Other Side of Midnight
by moirykins
Summary: Set in 5th year. In the year that changes everything, Snape discovers a kindred spirit in the reclusive Astronomy professor.
1. Chapter 1

The moon hung low on the horizon, the crescent shape barely visible through the mist that counted for clouds across the sky. In the east, dawn would be breaking soon, but for now, the sky still refused to pale, the barest of twinkling against the deep blue the only other light it bore. A breeze blew from the south, stirring leaves clinging to trees, swirling her hair around her as she stood, a glass of fine red wine in her hand, atop a high tower, observing the sight with appreciative eyes.

It was a ritual that was, frighteningly, becoming a nightly occurrence as of late.

Selene Sinistra had finished her observations an hour before, writing her notes on parchment scrolls with a script that, like everything else about her, was striking, elegant, and sharp. Until the haze had blown into the sky, she'd had a fine view of distant stars, trailing a comet that barely came into focus, its distance belying its importance. While her field was astronomy itself, exploring the actual physical existence and affects of the world beyond her own, astrologists would be exalting this comet's arrival; at such an important time, it surely held portents of hope or fear.

However, the cloud cover eventually obstructed the view, and she gave up, walking up to the open area of the tower itself, her wine in hand, letting her hair down from the knot she always wore it in when teaching or researching, heedless of the wind's toying with the locks. The swirl of her hair was as much a part of her nightly ritual as was the glass of wine. Both reminded her of her childhood; of sitting on rocks by a lonely sea after sundown, letting her hair down, much to her mother's chagrin, the salty breeze inevitably tangling it into an unmanageable mess, the sight of grapes on vines going off into the distance as she looked along the coastline.

The wine in her hand came from her family's vineyard, sent every month to her, along with other parcels from her mother or brothers. A small taste of home, of Sicilian slopes and olive trees, of the Mediterranean, blue skies and bluer waves. It never ceased to amaze her how her mother had chosen southern Italy as home. Especially given her lack of appreciation for sunlight.

_Should be grateful, girl. At least you can taste the sun, however briefly at a time it is._

She took another sip of the wine, letting the flavor of the grapes rest on her tongue, appreciating her brothers' skills with its making. Her brothers all inherited their mother's hands-on approach to life, learning how to coax the grapes into perfection and press them into such captivating mixtures, all the while mocking her love for the written word. She'd evidentially inherited her father's intellect – she wouldn't know, since he'd been gone all her life. She took her mother's word for it.

It had been writing that made her fall in love with the heavens.

She could still remember discovering Poe's work, at ten, sitting in a dusty bookshop frequented by both wizards and Muggles in her village, falling in love with the words, first in Italian, then again in English. For some reason, she felt drawn to his imagery, words taking on nuances that they had never done before. And, of course, once reading these words, she started spending her nights star-gazing under clear sky, imagining the moon shining down upon her, bringing her dreams of her own, envisioning stars that watched her every move. Dreaming of, someday, becoming someone's Annabel Lee. Romantic child-like stargazing led to academic interest. Academic interest led to intellectual pursuit. Intellectual pursuit led her to this tower, to a glass growing empty, a horizon barely showing a hint of lightness, and long hair whipped around her face and shoulders.

Another sip of wine. Another thought passing through her mind. Thirty-five she was now. Another year, surviving in this world, not quite a part of it. Sometimes, she ached from the lack of companionship, of belonging, of fitting in with others. At these times, Selene felt a pull towards something indescribable, some deep need she couldn't name and could barely describe. Then an owl from her family would arrive, or she'd make the mistake of joining colleagues for a meal in the Great Hall, or watch her students from the tower windows, and change her mind. She didn't need companions, after all. Books were her friends, telescopes and star charts her companions, scrolls and quills her confidants. They never acted childish or petty, they never mocked her, they never acted as if they had ulterior motives.

They certainly didn't fear her. Loathe her. Hurt her.

She brought the glass to her lips again, suddenly coming out of her reverie when she realized nothing touched her tongue. Pulling her hand back, she found the glass empty, the last trace of red wine gone. That was the usual sign that it was time to return to the real world. With a heavy sigh, she led her feet down stone steps, leaving the tower behind, searching for her apartments. She had papers left to grade in her study before finally falling asleep, and she'd eventually need more than the wine to sustain her.

* * *

Dawn was slowly breaking in the East when he rose, although from the complete lack of windows in his apartment, he'd never know without a clock. Living in the dungeons, near enough to the house of students whose care was his responsibility, meant giving up on certain things, such as an actual open window. However, the perks made it agreeable. His personal workroom was only a few steps away, the study in this set of apartments was unusually spacious, and the heavier brick drowned out most noise. 

Besides, so few people came down here that, except for his students, he rarely had to deal with people. That suited him perfectly.

With a stretch of his long, limber frame, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, the cold air that came with the dungeons chilling his bare chest and arms for a moment. Ignoring the coolness, as he did daily, he strode into his small kitchen, conjuring a strong cup of coffee and reaching for a small chunk of bread. His usual breakfast, since much more tended to addle his brain early in the day. Carrying both to his living room, he settled into a black leather recliner, the aroma of the dark Russian blend wafting in the air.

_If only my students could see me now. Maybe they wouldn't think so harshly of me._

Few were the pleasures in Severus Snape's life, but those small indulgences were treasured, such as the leather chair that sat nestled between two large bookcases, filled to overflowing capacity with titles ranging from academic tomes on alchemy, potions, and combative magic to titles from Muggle masters such as Tolstoy, Shakespeare, and Poe. These books, all well-read, marked in places with marginal notes and underlined sentences, had become the closest things he had to true friends over the last fifteen years.

_Well, it's not exactly as if you go out of your way to make friends with living, breathing individuals, you know._

The truth of his inner voice couldn't be denied. It was more than true. It had almost become his mantra over his lifetime. Keep the world at an arm's distance, for it makes it easier to see their lies. It was probably the only reason he was still alive.

Sometimes, he wished he could get his hands on a time-turner, if only for ten minutes, so he could smack some level of sense into his younger self and undo mistakes that he regretted making. However, he knew the consequences of such actions. Besides, changing the course of the future was not wise, especially over something as asinine as a childhood regret.

_Only you would call that thing on your arm a 'childhood regret'. _

Once, in his fourth year of teaching here, Trelawney had once drank too much at a small Christmas celebration for the faculty, and had made the mistake of asking him why he never wore shorter sleeves. It was the only time in history he could recall seeing Albus Dumbledore in a state of shock, actually choking on his sherry. His only reply had been that living in Slytherin's dungeons required sleeves at all times and had left.

He hadn't attended a staff party since that night.

Sipping on the brew, Severus reflected on the day ahead, as had become his morning tradition. Wake, drink coffee and wake up, make a mental list of the day's requirements, and _then_ start to become presentable to the rest of the world.

_First, I need to finish grading the sixth years' essays. Or, what they're passing as essays this year. The drivel some of them are handing in is enough to turn my hair grey. I need to have that word with McGonagall finally about the next Hogsmeade weekend. I refuse to play chaperone three times in a row. There are FOUR heads of house, not just one. Work on that article for the next 'Alchemist Review'. I want to get it submitted in the next few days; surely this rewrite will be approved. Teach, unfortunately. Double session today with the second years. At least I'll be able to merely sit and watch instead of lecture for most of that time… _

The reverie continued for another few minutes, until bringing the cup to his lips and not feeling hot liquid made him realize his mug was empty. With a groan, he lurched upright, his bare feet slapping against the cold stone as he made his way back to his bedroom, reluctantly ready to begin his day.

* * *

A soft hooting woke her. 

Groaning, Selene rubbed her eyes, pulling open the bedcurtains that she closed every morning as she fell to sleep. She always left the side window open in case of an owl's arrival, and although the light didn't fall on the bed, it would wake her. Bad enough she rarely got enough sleep, she wouldn't sacrifice what little she could grasp.

Pulling them apart with a gasp of pain as light flooded to blind her, she stared at the grey owl, sitting on her bedside table, letter still grasped in its beak. Squinting, she saw the blood-red seal. A bunch of grapes under a half-moon.

_And let's see which brother decided to write me THIS time. Please let it be Marcus. He has sense, at least._

Pulling the curtains closed again, hearing the flutter of wings fly away, she cracked the seal.

The first stroke of ink on paper told her it wasn't the sensible Marcus.

_Damn, Claudius. It's too early in the day to read your ramblings._

Her eyes scanned the parchment, barely registering the usual boring jibberish about the harvest or the season or the fact that Aurelius finally asked the girl down in the village to dinner. In fact, she was almost asleep again, the words boring her beyond belief, when one sentence shocked her to full awareness. The rest of the letter made her sit up, her jaw fallen in shock.

_As your eldest brother, Selene, I beg you to remember that your current employer is not in the greatest of standing with mine. In fact, I encourage you to come home and be with your family, now more than ever. This is not the time for foolish pride or careless devotion to a silly hobby. You can stare at stars and scribble on parchment here. Come back, Selene, before the war takes away your chance. Mama needs the family whole, and it cannot be without our baby sister._

She flung open the bedcurtains and crumpled the parchment, tossing it across the room and hissing at the pain the light brought to her eyes. With a snap of her fingers, the curtains closed, returning the room to a tolerable degree of light. Chimes from the faraway clock tower told her she might as well rise and begin her day, even though her inner voice begged for another hour of slumber.

Begrudgingly, Selene left the warmth of her bed, the chill of the late fall air pouring in from the open window, filling the room, barely touching her. Years of nightly observations from an open tower had made her accustomed to the cold, and fresh air was one of the benefits of living so high in the castle.

Eyes stared back at her in her mirror as she took down the braid that held her hair back; eyes a shade too brown to be black, hair a shade too black to be brown.

Her mother's eyes. Her mother's hair.

Not a trace of the man who'd fathered her.

The last time she'd been home had been three years ago. The resemblance had been uncanny. Julius had been hard-put to tell them apart. It was as if she'd been copied by a Renaissance artist from her mother's portrait. The resemblance was made even more gut-wrenching when one considered Adriana Sinistra was more than twice her daughter's age.

One day, she would look older than her own mother.

With the heavy thought hanging over her head, she stepped into her shower, the hot water hitting her like needles, the mist swirling like the fog of painful thoughts in her own mind.

* * *

Parchment littered his desk, most covered with hastily-scrawled answers to essay questions, some smudged or covered in sloppy ink droppings. He loathed the condition in which many of his students' assignments were presented, and today he loathed it more than usual. He was growing tired. Tired of the useless futility, tired of the headaches and the stomachaches and the sleepless nights, trying to balance so many responsibilities and obligations. 

Responsibility to his students. To the Order. To Dumbledore. To himself.

It was growing weary.

The candles flickered in the room, a small clock on the wall letting him know of the time. Five in the afternoon. Most of the students would be finished with classes, running rampant, leaving this room his one place to escape them until dinner time.

And, of course, the delightful little meeting with the Headmaster.

Oh, how he hated those meetings. Filled with some level of concern from Dumbledore. Some declaration, some reminder of everything he risked, doing his part. He didn't want reminders, didn't need them.

He lived with a reminder that would never go away.

Severus knew damned good and well the charade was over. Lucius would tell Voldemort everything. The coincidences, too many to ignore. The times they'd gone drinking to reminisce about old times. The secrets Lucius would let slip. The actions of the Order within days. The mere fact that he taught at Hogwarts still, instead of having left to report immediately to his 'master' had caused enough red flags that he'd had to find ways to work around and placate people who needed placating. It didn't matter that he'd already made his apologies to his Lord himself; others would never forgive him. Coupled with what was inevitably to come…

The headmaster had a right to be concerned. Severus knew that, in some part of his mind. It wasn't random events that had brought the two together. Dumbledore may have sought him out, knowing he was the one most likely to be convinced, but in the end, it was his own conscience that won out.

_And some people say I don't have one. Little do they know…_

It was his own damned conscience that almost got him killed all those years ago. His damned conscience was why he was still here.


	2. Chapter 2

_It's too early in the day to suffer such fools._

It was two in the afternoon, and Selene Sinistra was not only awake, but outside of her apartments. Considering she didn't fall asleep until after eight in the morning, and that she'd been summoned here by another staff person, and that she hadn't so much as _sniffed_ a cup of coffee, made her irate enough.

But…this?

Every telescope from her observation tower was hanging from the ceiling in the Great Hall. Every. Single. One. Somehow, someone had broken into the observation room _after_ she'd left it, later than usual this morning, moved a dozen heavy telescopes from the tower, across the castle to this room, and levitated them up, conjuring ropes to suspend them in the air.

It had taken her a week to position them all correctly. Seven nights of work to calibrate them to perfection. These telescopes cost thousands of galleons. Each.

And someone did this as a prank. It was enough to make her blood boil.

"And you have absolutely no idea how this happened, Headmaster? No idea _who_ did this?"

Albus Dumbledore shook his head, his white beard swaying with the movements. "They were here when the staff came for breakfast."

"They've been here THAT long and you didn't get me until NOW!" She whipped her head to glare at the man, her eyes narrowed, rage causing her to shake, her normal icy composure gone. "Are you mad? Do you have any idea how valuable...?"

The headmaster held his hand up to stave off her temper. "Calm yourself, Selene. I wanted to make sure you'd gotten some sleep before I woke you to see this. After all, we both know your sleeping habits are…somewhat irregular." The pause in his words came with a lowering of his voice, something that annoyed her greatly and almost inexplicably. "Besides, I had hoped that, by seeing their work still in place, the culprits would have given some indication of who they were."

Outwardly, the mask of serenity came back over her face. Inwardly, she was fuming, far more irate than she'd been in months.

_Well, there go my plans to watch that meteor shower this week._

She glared at the headmaster. "I assume that someone will be assisting me in returning my telescopes to my tower?"

He nodded. "Of course. Professor Flitwick had already volunteered his services in levitating them, one by one, back to your tower personally in order to assure their undamaged return to you."

"Good. I assume that return will be prompt as well. Now, I need to go rework my lesson plans for the next week, since I won't be able to have my students observe at night until I have these repositioned and recalibrated." With one last nod to her employer and an annoyed sweep of her eyes towards the ceiling, she spun on her heel, sailing out of the doors to the Great Hall, her dark blue robes flowing in her wake.

Sighing, Dumbledore began a closer inspection of the dangling telescopes. Whoever had done it had taken great pains to ensure they wouldn't fall. Polite tricksters. A stunt worthy of the Weasley twins, to be sure, but they'd never do something this outrageous. Besides, he'd just interrogated them, and was convinced of their innocence. And given the lateness that Selene had been in her tower, observing, they had to either have been observing her, or darned lucky they weren't caught earlier. Timing had been crucial, both for liberating the equipment, and raising all twelve to the rafters in the Hall.

A part of the Headmaster felt a wave of pride at whoever accomplished the feat.

Within moments of one dark-haired professor striding out the doors, another stormed in, causing Dumbledore to silently ask the gods for patience. "Severus? What are you doing here?"

"Coming to find you, Headmaster. I would have thought that was plainly clear."

The older man had seen such a look before on the Head of Slytherin House's face. It was a familiar one. _Tread lightly, Albus. The boy's temper is barely in check. Again. _"Aren't you scheduled for double Potions with your third years right now?"

_How does he do that? He can't possibly memorize every professor's schedule._

The glower on the Potions professor's hawk-like features was clear. "I would love to be doing nothing more than teaching my double Potions class. IF I could teach my double Potions class."

Dumbledore sighed heavily, feeling as if today would have been a better day for sleeping in, not running a school full of mischievous teenagers. "If? Why does that word fill me with a sense of dread?"

"My students' cauldrons are missing."

With a sigh, the Headmaster's eyes raked over the ceiling, wondering if he'd find cauldrons amidst telescopes. For the first time since storming into the Hall, so did Snape's. His eyes carried a healthy balance of amusement and understanding. "So. That's why Sinistra looked ready to level the school when I passed her in the halls on my way here. I'd wondered."

As if speaking her name had conjured her, the Astronomy professor flew into the hall, only a hair less irate than she'd been a moment ago, robes billowing. With a curt nod, she stood directly before the pair, her back straight, her hands clenched. "Headmaster, Professor Snape. I think there's something the two of you should come see." With no other word, she spun around, forcefully, her long braid almost lashing Snape's nose as she led them out of the room.

Up several staircases she directed the two, nimbly jumping over a pair of trick stairs without a second thought, to the top of her tower, opening her classroom door, adjacent to the observation deck. Waving her hand around the room, she stood in one of the few spots on the floor that didn't hold a cauldron.

"Now, as healthy an appreciation I have for your area of expertise, Professor," she murmured, the look on her face genuine, without a line of the sarcasm Snape had expected to see, "I am neither an expert in Potions nor find myself in need of this many cauldrons. So, I would suspect that these may belong to you and your students."

Snape turned to Dumbledore, anger blazing in his usually cold black eyes. "I keep my classroom, my office, and my workrooms warded every second I am not in them. For some student to have broken in and stolen over fifty cauldrons, not to mention having moved them from the southern dungeons to the northern tower of the castle…"

Dumbledore waved his hand, his voice calm and with the slightest taste of patronizing. "Yes, Severus, I am well aware at how protective you are of your classroom, and how difficult this must have been to accomplish. However, there must be a logical answer to this, and we will find it. Now, if the two of you will excuse me..." With no further comment, Albus Dumbledore walked out the door and down the North Tower stairs.

Sinistra sighed deeply, sinking against her desk, a cauldron sitting on her chair. "Gods, what I wouldn't give for coffee right now." With that utterance, she began rubbing her temples, feeling the beginnings of another headache approaching. They came whenever she hadn't slept enough, which was often, considering she never slept the quantity of hours a day her body demanded. "So. My telescopes hanging in the Great Hall. Your cauldrons in my classroom. Besides our classrooms being the furthest apart in the entire castle, why would some idiot children pull such an asinine stunt on the two of us?"

In another time and place, Severus would have almost smiled at her comment, since it almost perfectly echoed his own thoughts. Somehow, they'd been teaching at the same school for over a decade, and he'd never spent longer than two minutes in her company.

_And I thought I was the only one who saw the students as something other than adorable little creatures. Interesting._

"It was probably directed at me, since I usually have some sort of foolish trick played on me once a year. The students seem to lack appreciation for the way I run a classroom. Your telescopes, I'm afraid, may only be innocent victims."

She looked up at him, the ache over her left eye growing. "My telescopes had better arrive undamaged back to my observation room. If so much as one scratch is on a lens, I won't care what reasons the students had. As it is, I don't care what Dumbledore finds suitable punishment; I'll add my own, regardless."

The set of her jaw and the flash in her eyes intrigued him. Somehow, he'd never seen Sinistra as capable of such vehemence.

_Of course, you probably have spent a collective hour in her company in all these years. Once again, your little campaign-of-solitude, remember?_

Sighing, he coughed in the doorway. "Well, when I find out which miscreant did this, I promise, you'll know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll levitate fifty cauldrons out of your classroom and be out of your way." With a flick of his wand and a curt nod in her direction, he led the parade of pewter pots out the door.

As the last one sailed out of sight, Selene sank into her desk chair, staring at a room that, in a few hours, would be filled with students, most disinterested and barely paying attention to a word she'd speak, just as she'd done for years.

It almost made her wonder why she bothered anymore.

A knock on the door drove out the melancholy line of thought. In surprise, she found herself staring at a house-elf carrying a silver tray. "Pardon the intrusion, Professor. But Moffy was asked to bring coffee to Professor Sinistra. Yes, she was. Black. With cream and sugar on the side, if she should desire it."

Selene looked past the house-elf, down the staircase that fifty cauldrons had recently taken, the faintest of smiles tugging the corner of her mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

He stared at both boys in his office, anger fueling the fire in his black eyes, leaning over his desk to chastise them.

"You wanted a day off from my class to catch up on your Transfiguration homework, so instead of actually DOING it, you convinced Peeves to help you steal the cauldrons from MY classroom? And then you had the brilliant notion of hiding them in Professor Sinistra's classroom because you didn't think they'd be found in time for your class?"

Both boys nodded, one in shame and humiliation, the other with a slight tinge of defiance in his eyes.

Snape had every intention of making that defiance go away, one way or another.

"So. Which brilliant mind between the two of you decided that hanging Professor Sinistra's telescopes in the Great Hall was a good way to try and deflect suspicion from yourselves for the cauldron theft?"

The blonde head looked up, the defiance still clearly shining. "That would be me, Professor. Evan here didn't even stick around for it." The redheaded boy next to him nodded, eyes stuck somewhere on the desk, refusing to look up at the irate Potions teacher. "And I wasn't trying to deflect suspicion. I wanted out of her class, too. I needed to finish my work for her."

_Of all the cocky, smug, adolescent arrogance…_

Snape leaned even further over his desk, staring his two students in the eyes. "I know the Headmaster's already set a punishment for you for breaking school rules. However, as both your professor and Head of House, believe me when I say you'll be having additional reprimands from myself. I think scrubbing cauldrons twice a week in my workrooms for the next two months will suffice. Now, get up."

Liam Tregand's eyes lost an edge of their defiant glaze. "Wh-where are we going?"

The tall man pointed a finger to the door. "We're taking a little walk, Mr. Tregand. You have another professor to whom you owe apologies and explanations. You, Mr. Dubail, will return to your dormitory and remain there for the rest of the evening, understood?"

The redhead nodded, meekly, as he slipped from the office as quickly as he could.

Severus followed the blonde third year every step of the way from his office to the complete opposite corner of the castle, the top of the northern tower, where the Astronomy classroom and observation deck were located. It had been a clear night when he'd left the Great Hall after dinner. Chances were good any astronomer would be taking advantage of the evening.

He wasn't mistaken.

Selene heard footsteps outside the door before she heard the rapping of someone's knuckles against the heavy wooden door that kept the drafts from the open observation windows from escaping down the stone stairwell. Sighing in a slight feeling of exasperation, she set her quill down next to her wine glass, walking away from the telescope and wrenching the door open, confused when her eyes met those of Snape's, a student in tow.

"Professor. Mr. Tregand. Is there anything…"

She wasn't given a chance to finish her query. "I believe someone has something to say to you, Professor." With a frozen glare and a barely-perceivable lifting of his eyebrows, Snape prompted his student to begin blurting out his confession.

Within seconds, both professor and student were floored by her reaction.

"You stole my telescopes and hung them fifty feet in the air because you hadn't finished your homework!" With every word, the Astronomy professor's voice rose, until she was near to shouting. "Have you any idea how many galleons each of these telescopes are worth? How long I worked to set them up properly? The preciseness of the adjustments on them? The amount of work I've had to put on hold because you decided to pull this idiotic stunt?"

Selene felt her fingernails digging into flesh, realizing with a twinge of pain that her hands were clenched in fists, fighting hard to release them and to gain a semblance of control over her temper. "You arrogant child." Her eyes flickered to his escort. "I assume both yourself and the Headmaster have already set your own punishments." At his silent nod, she once again faced the boy before her. "Every night for the next two weeks, save any evening that the Headmaster and Professor Snape have claimed you, you will be in my classroom, beginning promptly after dinner, translating star charts for me. They will be meticulous and perfect, or I will add additional days to your punishment. You, Mr. Tregand, are not only going to discover a newfound appreciation for my class, but you will be helping me gain back some of the time I've lost, thanks to your exploit. Have I made myself clear?"

The boy swallowed, nodding. Snape found himself slightly shocked. How had she managed to drive the rest of the conceit from his eyes? It didn't matter – all in all, he found himself feeling an appreciation for the Astronomy professor that, until a few days before, he had all but ignored.

"Good. Now, get out of my sight before I decide to make it a complete month." The boy looked at his Head of House, who nodded, before turning to leave, walking at first, then quickly sprinting down the stairs before either professor could turn their wrath back to him. With a heavy sigh, Selene turned her back to the door, gathering papers together, stacking them and sliding them in a folder. She was tired and distracted; no more point pretending to get work accomplished tonight. "Thank you."

Her words stopped Severus as he was turning to leave. "Thank you for what?"

"You kept your promise."

Her matter-of-fact reply struck him for a second. He wasn't sure if he was surprised by the gesture, one that he wasn't terribly used to from his fellow colleagues, or slightly hurt that she might have thought he wouldn't.

_Of course I kept my promise. _

With one last look around the room, Selene set the wine glass and bottle she'd laid out for later back in a cupboard and blew out the oil lamp on the small table where her notes were kept, walking to the doorway and shutting the heavy door, using her wand to lock it. She looked up at him, for the first time since answering the knock on her door. "And, thank you for the coffee the other day."

He jumped slightly at her words. "How did you know that was me?"

Selene gave him a deadpan stare. "I can't see Dumbledore scaring a house-elf into scampering up the tower stairs so quickly." She began to walk down the stairs to her apartments, stopping suddenly, turning to look upward again. "And whenever you decide to repeat the gesture, I prefer it black."

Severus stood in place, a wave of confusion swirling in his mind as he watched her descend the staircase.

_Whenever I decide…_

Quickly yet collectedly, he flew down the stairs, catching the swirl of her grey robes entering a doorway. As if his mouth acted completely of its own volition, he heard his voice echo off the cold stone walls. "I usually have coffee early in the mornings instead of breakfast in the Hall, if you'd care to join me sometime."

_Coffee? You just asked another professor to have coffee? Severus, you complete and utter fool…_

Selene stood, hand on the doorknob, completely unsure of what to say.

_Of course, if Julius were here, he'd know what to say. 'Brilliant, sis. Tell me, however do you find yourself in these predicaments, where your sarcastic wit comes around to haunt you? It's a talent, I swear.' Bloody mouth of mine…_

She looked over her shoulder, an odd sort of expression on her face.

From where he stood, he almost could swear it was regret. Either that, or chagrin.

"I'm usually going to sleep in the early mornings, so I don't know how often that would be. The hours I keep and all…" Her voice trailed off, a small part of her kicking herself for turning him down.

_Stupid girl. It's coffee, for Morgan's sake, not a date. It wouldn't kill you to lose an hour of sleep and get out of your damned tower once in a while, would it? Gods above and below..._

Severus nodded. He should have known better in the first place. If he'd given it a moment's conscious thought, he would have realized an astronomer probably kept odd hours. "Of course. Well, I won't keep you, since I'm sure you have work to finish. Good evening, Professor."

Selene felt a twinge of guilt as he turned away, the subtle change in his voice when saying her title hitting her like cold air. Biting her lip, she hesitated for a moment, until he reached the stairs, and then found herself blurting out the question her inner voice was now berating her for asking.

"Do you like merlot?"

Severus' feet stopped their strides. With a quizzical expression on his face, he turned and answered her. "I do, actually. Why do you ask?"

With a deep breath, she forced herself to stop fidgeting with her sleeves. "My family owns a vineyard in Italy. My brothers send me a few bottles of wine now and then, since I rarely make it home to visit. Since it's late for you and still relatively early for me, I thought you might care to join me for a glass. Unless you'd prefer coffee…"

It was his turn to stand in mild shock.

Selene bit her lip for a second, before reminding herself to stop such an immature and completely uncharacteristic nervous habit. "It's alright. You don't have to, really. It's just that I get tired of drinking it alone, and usually by the time I'm done with grading and work, it's the middle of the night and everyone else is sleeping, so I never have anyone to share it with or talk to. But it's late, and you probably have plans for tomorrow, so I won't keep you."

She didn't notice the fact that he stood in front of her until she was done rambling. "I've had a long day. A glass of wine would be lovely."

Her hand turned the knob she'd been holding for what felt like hours, pushing open the door, leading him into her apartment, a snap of her fingers causing candles to spontaneously light all around the room. Gesturing to her living room, she walked toward her small kitchen. "Have a seat. Just make sure you don't sit on Galileo."

His eyes traveled the room, wondering who, or what, Galileo was, until he noticed a small, smoky grey cat that blended in perfectly with her couch, the green light in its eyes the giveaway. Opting for the safer option, standing, Severus walked across the room to the large bookcases that lined one entire wall. Titles leapt out at him, all in order by author, like a decent library would be. Books on astronomy of course, but a variety of other subjects; philosophy, history, works of fiction.

Some of these books graced his own shelves.

The sound of a cork popping free from a bottle drifted from the kitchen, as one title caught his eye. "You read Strauff?"

Selene walked back into the living room, two wine glasses in hand, passing one to him and taking a sip from her own, sinking onto the couch, avoiding her cat. "I do. He actually lectured once when I was in university. He was brilliant."

"He's a complete irrational lunatic."

"What?"

"His arguments on how the wizarding world is antiquated and needs to evolve with the Muggle world. It's asinine."

She set her wine glass down on the glass tabletop of her coffee table, looking up at him. "We are antiquated. Look at our world. We use candlelight and quills and parchment. We keep ourselves separate from their world, living in castles and hiding from the rest of the world. Granted, in some places wizarding kind has managed to segue into the normal population. However, we already are involved with Muggles. Look how many Muggle-born children are sent owls every summer. There is a wealth of our kind marrying Muggles, simply because marrying our own kind often leads to some form of incest these days. Bloody hell, how can you actually disagree with the argument that we've purposely locked ourselves into a world two centuries past?"

He sank into a chair across from her, setting his wine glass on the same tabletop, leaning forward. "Why would we want to enter the hell on earth that the Muggles have created over those two hundred years? War, violence, disease, hatred, destruction. How can you see the good in modernizing our world?"

Any of her previous nervousness fell away as she launched into the impromptu debate. "I'm sorry. I must have completely overreacted to that pesky war that happened while I was in school. And then there was the whole Grindelwald affair that killed my grandfather. And the current state of our world. As much as the Muggles have destroyed their world, we haven't faired much better. There's still crime and war and destruction. Hell, we have to wipe memories and cover up attacks on their world just to protect our precious existence. What gives us a right to be so holier than thou about it? We're far from perfect."

Severus bit his tongue, catching a slight bitterness in her parting shot. "It's not about perfect. It's about preserving our world. If Wizard-kind entered the Muggle lifestyle, they'd either depend on us or persecute us. Frankly, neither sits well with me..."

"Or me."

The edge in her interruption gave him a moment to pause, staring across the table at her. Picking up the wine glass, he swallowed a sip, letting the flavor rest on his tongue before speaking again, feeling the need to change topics, the sudden fire in her eyes reminiscent of her anger the other day in her office. Clearly, someone had a bit of a temper that they kept under control. "I never knew you were Italian. You have almost no accent."

Selene instinctively began to relax, sinking back onto her couch, holding her glass by the stem. Something about thinking of home always relaxed her. "I am. Well, part. My mother was originally from Greece. Her family moved to Rome when she was young. She now lives in Sicily, with my brothers. They started the winery when I was still little."

"They make an excellent merlot."

She smiled, rising to her feet and entering the kitchen again. "You should try their cabernet." She returned with a bottle, the label in Italian, with a picture of grapes growing on a vine under a crescent moon. Handing it to him, she settled back in her seat. "They swear that harvesting the grapes at night, instead of during the day, makes all the difference. All I know is that they make an excellent wine."

"I take it that you're not involved with the winery, then?"

"Havens, no. Gods, worrying at the least chill in the air; fretting over the amount of rain or heat; tending acre after acre of crop." Selene shook her head, strands of her hair slipping from the knot she wore it in to frame her face. "Besides, I left for school at eleven, went to University, and then came here to teach. My heart's not there anymore. No, I'm the intellectual in the family. The 'black sheep', as Muggles would say. Just give me a book, or my telescope, or someone to argue and debate ideas with, and I'll be happy for hours. It drives them mad. Julius still teases me for being a bookworm.

Severus leaned back in the chair, taking another sip of the wine. "I quite agree. It annoys Dumbledore that I refuse to leave the school for holidays like the rest of the staff. However, everything I want is here. My books, my research..."

"Exactly." Her hand reached for Galileo, petting the soft fur instinctively. "Sometimes, it's like no one understands it. My brothers love their fields and their wines. I love my telescope and the stars. I understand their passion, but it's as if they can't understand mine."

He set the empty glass down on the table again. "People rarely do."

Selene scoffed under her breath, finishing her own glass, rising to fetch the bottle, returning to refill both glasses. "Well, it's nice to have someone to commiserate with about a travesty such as this." She held her glass up in a toast, her lips tugging at the corners into a smirk.

With a nod, Severus held his own glass up in kind, taking a sip a moment later. "How is it we've taught at the same school for all these years and never actually had a conversation?"

Selene cocked her head to one side, thinking for a moment. "Because there are seven floors between your classroom and mine. Because I rarely eat meals with the staff in the Hall. And because I make it a habit of avoiding most of the insanity Dumbledore allows to take place in this castle."

He allowed a smirk of his own to cross his face. "Touché, Professor."

"It's only the truth. After spending ten minutes in Trelawney's company my first year here, I opted to avoid most of the staff. Having to explain to a clairvoyant the correct pronunciation of your first name tends to take away your confidence in your coworkers."

She was shocked to hear him actually laugh. Not loud, but a soft chuckle.

"Trelawney doesn't exactly inspire confidence in Dumbledore's abilities to hire adequate teachers for this school, does she?" Severus swallowed again, the wine sliding smoothly over his tongue and down his throat. "However, considering we've never had a competent Defense professor, or a few of the other classes for that matter, I tend to forget about it."

Selene smirked over her glass. "Am I one of those incompetent teachers that you tend to forget about, Professor Snape?"

His eyes caught hers over her wine glass, just barely catching the teasing quality to her words. "Hardly. You actually care about making sure your students learn something instead of being their friend. You don't assign work below their capabilities – you strive to make them reach for it. You don't coddle your students, you make them earn their grades. Those qualities more than make you competent."

A slender black eyebrow quirked upward. "Well, coming from you, that's high praise indeed. Thank you."

He searched her face for a mocking smile, her voice for a jeering tone. When he found neither, Severus actually felt himself begin to relax slightly.

_Intelligent, capable of holding her own in a debate without taking personal offense, charming. Perhaps I have been a little harsh on my opinions of the Headmaster's hiring choices after all…_

An hour went by, then a second, and still they talked, discussing everything from their shared contempt for the favoritism of Gryffindor students to the recent Quidditch match to more philosophy and literature. The glasses found themselves refilled a second time, then a third, until finally an empty bottle sat between them on the small table, and both professors jerked as they heard the clock tower chiming one.

A guilt-ridden look crossed Selene's eyes, as if she'd possibly committed some minor transgression. "I'm sorry. You've probably got plans for tomorrow, and I've kept you up gibbering about nonsense…"

Severus rose smoothly from the chair he'd been in for almost three hours now, holding his hand up. "It's been well worth the time, so please don't apologize. I rarely get to speak with someone intelligently, let alone for so long. And as for tomorrow, my plans include hiding as long as possible from the melee of insanity that has been planned, so staying up later than usual did nothing to disrupt them."

Selene stood as well, smiling slightly. "Good. I would have felt guilty if you'd had plans for the day." She walked to the door, holding it open for him gracefully, nodding at him as he bowed his own head in farewell.

As he stepped through the threshold, he stopped and turned. "My offer for coffee some evening still stands, Professor Sinistra. Perhaps you'll find my library as interesting and diverse as I find yours." Without waiting for a reply, Severus turned and began walking towards the staircase, down the stone steps to the lower dungeons and his apartments.

As Selene closed the door behind him, the full weight of his words finally hit her.


	4. Chapter 4

_Halloween, in this day and age, has to be the most worthless holiday celebrated by humanity. _

At least, that's what Severus Snape told himself as he trudged along the path, taking the long walk to Hogsmeade. True, he could have easily floo'd himself to The Three Broomsticks, instead of walking alone in the cold night. However, there was a valuable solace to be found in this route.

Sometimes, he hated being alone all the time. Other times, he relished it.

He rolled his eyes at the sight of the jack-o'-lantern carved and sitting outside the door as he walked into the pub, taking a small table in a dark corner. The bar was surprisingly quiet, with only a handful of tables taken. When the jade robes of Madam Rosmerta came into view, he quietly ordered a whiskey, downing the drink promptly when it arrived and ordering another.

When she delivered the fourth, she also set in front of him a bowl of soup.

"I didn't order dinner," he growled at her inordinately cheerful face.

Madam Rosmerta shrugged. "I know you didn't, Professor, and I told her that. However, she told me she knew for a fact you hadn't eaten a decent meal this evening, and if you planned to drink yourself into a stupor, the least you could do was have a bite to eat to go with it to lessen the inevitable hangover. And if I'd known you hadn't had a solid meal in you before you began pounding them back, I would have brought it without her prompting."

Severus stared at her, thunderstruck. "She who?"

Her curls flew in a general direction, and he peered around the barkeeper to see a mass of black hair, piled in a twisted fashion, sitting at a table, a slender hand holding a head upright, papers skewed everywhere, a glass of wine and a half-eaten salad on the edge of the table.

"I wasn't aware you served anything more than general pub food, Rosmerta. Or the wine, for that matter."

She smirked at the amused annoyance in the dark-haired man's voice. The years she'd been serving drinks to Severus Snape had given her an appreciation for his dry humor, and this evening was no exception. "Usually not. However, I like Professor Sinistra, so if she wants a salad and steak, I send a boy out for it. And the wine's only for the special patrons, of course. Ones with sophisticated palates."

An eyebrow raised into his black hairline. "And why are you so fond of her?"

Rosmerta winked. "She tips well. Very well."

He might have known.

With a sigh, he picked up his glass and the bowl of chowder, and walked over to where his dark-haired colleague sat, grading what appeared, when he glanced over the one closest to him, to be essays on the discovery of Pluto. "I wasn't aware you kept tabs on my dining habits, Professor."

She jerked her head up, a small smudge of ink on her cheekbone.

For a moment, he had a fleeting urge to wipe it off for her.

"Well, no one got a chance to eat in the Hall after that food fight broke out, and after watching you down three whiskeys in a row, I thought you might need something besides two bites of potato to soak it up." Selene actually shuffled papers, moving them, making room for him at her table, silently inviting him to join her.

Severus sat down, warily. "Three."

"Hmm?" She set her quill down, stacking the parchments into two piles, graded and not, before pulling her salad back before her, stabbing some onto her fork.

He almost smiled at her absent-mindedness, the numerous additions to the assignment on top of the pile raising her higher in his estimation. "I managed three bites before the fight broke out." He pushed the whiskey to the side, the smell of the chowder actually appealing, making him hungry for the first time in hours.

"I must have missed one, then." She took a bite of her salad, the leaves crisp and crunching in her mouth, blessing Rosmerta once again for fetching her dinner.

His eyes flickered over the remnants of her meal, the steak bone almost clean, a small pile of the salad remaining. "So I take it you didn't get a chance to finish your meal either?"

The simple question took her by surprise. "I woke up late today, so I wasn't really ready for a large meal when dinner was served anyway. By the time I had been here for an hour, I finally felt a little peckish, so Rosmerta was a dear and fetched something from the Shooting Star down the road."

"And do you always do your grading in a bar?"

Her shrug was the essence of nonchalant. "Isn't the first time. Besides, I wanted away from the school and all the unholy terrors, searching for even more ways to torment each other in hallways or dormitories. And then there's the other teachers. When I left, I swear that Flitwick was already three hoops to the pitch. I just wanted peace and quiet, and I still had work to do, so I brought it with me."

"I wasn't aware the students bothered you outside of classes much."

"One of the downfalls of having apartments near Ravenclaw Tower – when those studious minds finally snap, they do so rather loudly." Selene quirked her eyebrow at the man downing corn chowder like it was his first meal all day. "Well, we know why I'm here. What brings you from the castle to drown your sorrows quietly in a corner?"

The sigh that preceded the words spoke volumes. "I just needed a drink or two."

Selene nodded, a small part of her wondering why she felt a slight twinge of hurt at his deliberate secrecy and discretion. "My apologies. That was an overly personal question."

_Girl, you have a gift for understatement, you realize that? If you were getting drunk alone in a dark corner, would -you- want someone asking about it? Bloody brilliant, Selene. How about you ask him why he doesn't go out more often while you're at it?_

Severus watched her grow a slight more guarded. "It's quite alright. I would probably be curious if our roles were reversed. And you did answer my question, which was equally personal." He sighed, pushing the empty bowl to the edge of the table, reaching for the small glass holding the whiskey that he'd ordered almost half an hour ago. "I received a letter from home today. Usually, those require a few drinks to help me recover from whatever nonsense my father has poured into them. We haven't exactly been on the best of terms for quite a few years, but the occassional communication does occur. Sometimes, family is complicated at best."

Instead of looking at him with confusion or disinterest, she surprised him by nodding, giving a soft sigh in conspiratorial understanding. "I know the feeling. Usually when owls from home arrive, I have to summon up the courage to see which brother wrote this week. I haven't lived at home since I was eleven, and yet they still insist on protecting and patronizing their baby sister." Reaching for her wine glass, she lifted it in a mock salute. "My condolences."

Severus set the whiskey aside with the empty bowl, the promise it had given of relief and comfort seemingly barren now. Desiring a less personal line of discussion, he changed topics completely. "I assume by now you've been asked to chaperone the ball next week."

Selene's black eyes rolled, the heavy sigh that slipped from her lips accompanying a clear sag of her shoulders. "You would have to remind me of that, wouldn't you? And how did you know I was asked in the first place?"

He smirked sardonically. "Simple. I recommended you."

She glared. "I take it you're one of the heads of house I'll be covering for that evening."

"Actually, no. You're covering for McGonagall herself. I merely wanted someone both competent to ensure nothing destructive occurred and capable of intelligent conversation during the annoying little fete. And, of course, someone who didn't teach Divination."

Selene raised an eyebrow and swirled the dark red liquid inside her glass before sipping. "I'm sure there was a compliment in there somewhere."

"There was, I promise you. The implied insult to Trelawney was merely a joke."

She relaxed somewhat at that comment. _A joke? Did the sun set in the east and no one tell me? By the Lady of the Lake, I wasn't aware he let his guard down long enough TO joke! _"You really don't like her, do you?"

His smirk was both aloof and amused, a combination Selene rarely saw, but half-consciously noted suited him perfectly. "She lacks any amount of logic, intellect, or discipline in her classroom, half of the time her students outstrip her in knowledge, and her theatrics would better serve a traveling faire. I don't loathe her, but as an educator, I feel we could be better served with another individual."

"You're quite attached to logic and discipline, aren't you?"

Severus searched quickly for an implied insult, some sort of eye-rolling annoyance or amusement that usually came attached with an observation along those lines. Once again, he found nothing but simple curiosity surrounding the question.

_Either Sinistra's vastly more capable of hiding her opinions under her skin than most people I've met in life, or she's the single most honest person to grace Hogwarts' halls. _

"I need to be. Potions is exacting; it requires concentration, diligence, preciseness, and accuracy. Most of the other disciplines are as well. However, since Divination is nothing but instinct and half-flung guesses at best, I find little use for it in the world. Ironically, it's my field that gets little appreciation. Somehow smoke and incantations win out over effective and useful..."

He found himself shocked at her laugh. "I fail to see the humor in…"

Selene held her hand up to silence her table companion. "Try being an Astronomer. All I ever hear is either 'what's so important about looking at the stars?' or 'so, what does this mean for Astrologists and Diviners?'. No one appreciates the effect that the stars, moons, planets and so forth can have on our lives, outside of Astrology." She leaned over the table to emphasize her commentary, half out of need from the rising volume in the bar. "One observation session, I actually had a student run from my tower because they noticed Jupiter was reddish, and remembered some piece of drivel from Divination about a portent of evil." Selene's eyes rolled yet again, and she sighed, instinctively rubbing her temples. "At least no one flees your classroom because of another professor's lectures."

"No. They flee my classroom to escape my wrath. Or Longbottom's cauldron. Sometimes, I hardly know the difference."

"If he handles a cauldron with the same skill as my telescopes, it's probably a fair bet that it's not always your professorial philosophy."

The small bark of laughter he felt shocked him. He couldn't tell anymore if the whiskey had finally hit, or if he genuinely was becoming comfortable in his colleague's presence.

_Better hope it's the former. At least you can blame Rosmerta later._

The mere thought of the woman brought her sidling up to the table. "Anything else I can get you for the evening, Professors?" Her smile was almost too warm.

_Circe's song, don't tell me she thinks this is nothing more than what it is…_

His momentary reverie was broken by Sinistra's words. "Nothing, thank you, Rosmerta. Just put everything on my tab." Her quick hand wave took in Severus' soup and last whiskey as well as her own meal.

The gesture didn't go unnoticed. Severus glared at her. "I can pay for my drinks myself."

Selene glared right back. "I'm well aware you can. In fact, as head of a house, I'm willing to wager your stipend's higher than mine. However, I can be kind and pay for them myself, and save poor Rosmerta another few minutes work."

"I don't appreciate charity…"

"Then you can pay next time. Besides, I ordered your food, not you. It's only right I pay for it."

"Next time?"

"Next time."

"Whatever gave you the impression there will be a next time?"

Selene gathered her papers, sliding them into a small leather bag. "Because I've seen you in this very pub at least once a month for over ten years now, so I know you'll return. Because I doubt you and I only come here on the same nights, so it's logical that you're here even more frequently than that. And, because you enjoy my company. You said so yourself. Now, before that storm comes any closer, I think I should walk back to the school." With that, she slipped from the table and, with a nod at Rosmerta, walked out the door of the small pub.

Without her cloak.

Grumbling about the insanity of women, Severus pulled on his own and snatched hers up, storming after her, seeing the swish of her grey robes as she began walking back towards the school.

_How in Hades is she not cold? I've spent half my life in the dungeons of that school, and I'm freezing!_

His touch on her arm surprised Selene, almost startling her out of her thoughts. It wasn't until she saw the bundled blue cloak that she even realized she was cold.

_Foolish girl. Just because you don't mind a chill in your tower for a few minutes doesn't mean you'd be comfortable on a long walk home._

Selene extended her hand to take the cloak from him. "I'm sorry to make you come out here to return this. Most sane people don't walk back and forth to Hogsmeade from the school – they usually floo from their offices or apartments." With a guilty look in her eyes, she pulled the cloak around her, the warming charm on it instantly banishing the chill she'd felt.

Surprisingly, he fell in step with her. "I must not be sane, then. I usually make the walk myself. Portkeys give me headaches, and I've never cared for floos." Severus' eyes scanned the dark sky, clouds rolling heavy over the moon and stars dotting overhead. "You're right. There is a storm. I didn't know one was expected."

"I found out earlier this evening, when I was contemplating observations for tonight." Selene found herself automatically responding, her feet blindly finding their own way home, unused to company of any sort on this walk back to the school. "There's next to no point for me to set up calibrations on my equipment if I'll only use it for an hour."

The wind picked up, swirling leaves across the landscape, as Severus' footsteps quickened to match her pace. Rarely did someone actually outpace him, but Selene's stride came close. "One benefit to my field of study. Weather has little effect on my ability to brew a potion."

Selene smirked, a slight sarcastic turn to her lips. "Must be nice. Of course, I get to have windows in my workroom and I never deal with burning myself."

"Touché, Professor." Despite the banter, Severus found himself actually wanting to continue their casual conversation. "You never have told me what drew you into studying astronomy."

Selene stopped for a step, looking up at him with wide eyes, before swallowing and regaining her path.

The momentary pause didn't go unnoticed, but it did go without comment.

Her voice faltered with the first words, automatically answering, the words filling the time the return journey took. "It wasn't anything special. I did a lot of looking at stars when I was young. In school, it was my best subject, and the only one to hold my interest past that needed for my requirements. Transfiguration and I are not the best of friends, academically-speaking, and my brothers all inherited every drop of Herbological talent. Charms are too basic and commonplace, you already know I loathe Divination, and Arithmancy and Ancient Runes never sparked interest in me."

Severus took the opening. "And potions?"

"Let's just say you would have despaired if you were my professor."

He smiled politely. "I doubt that. You seem very meticulous and detail-oriented. Those same traits are the core of successful potions-making."

Selene chuckled lightly, pulling her cloak around her tighter as the wind picked up, sending a chill over her. "You'd think that. However, I never managed to accomplish more than the basest of potions. Perhaps," she trailed off, her eyes almost teasing the man walking with her, "there is more to it than an intuitive mind. After all, you have the core skills for Astronomy, but you've never asked me permission to use my tower."

Severus' retort was automatic. "That's because Hogwarts never had a competent Astronomy professor when I was a student."

The castle loomed into view, finally, as the first of the heavy snowflakes began to fall from the sky, threatening to coat them both in a heavy layer before reaching the doors. In silent agreement, the conversation lulled until they stepped through the doors, heat immediately replacing the early-winter chill. It wasn't until they reached the hallway that they stopped, Selene instinctively turning towards the tower staircase, Severus stepping in the opposite path, towards the dungeons. The pair paused, each turning, looking at the other, not entirely sure how to handle the moment.

Fate intervened.

A whirlwind of tartan spun around the corner as Professor McGonagall descended upon them both. "There you are, Severus."

Her tone caused both professors' eyebrows to shoot up, his in distaste, hers in amusement.

McGonagall didn't end there. "Nice to see you finally return after leaving us to deal with the students this evening. A few members of your house happen to be cooling their heels in my office right now. Seems they thought to try out a few hexes that are, shall we say, out of their league." She gave him a stern glare, the look implying far more than the words intimated. "Regardless, they're waiting for you to escort them to their dormitories." Her set jaw brooked no argument on the matter.

Severus felt his teeth grind at her tone, bordering on accusatory. Since when was he not allowed to leave grounds for a couple of hours? Why did she still feel the need to pass judgment on him in such a manner? "Fine. I'll go handle the situation. I assume the Headmaster's left their punishments to me?"

McGonagall nodded. "As is only right and proper, given you're their Head of House." As she turned to stroll back towards her office, McGonagall nodded briskly to Selene herself. "And while I actually have the chance, allow me to thank you, Professor Sinistra, for offering to chaperone the ball for me. I do appreciate the gesture. I know you rarely like to leave your tower."

Her eyes flickered over her, and Selene had the impression that the deputy Headmistress was making a subtle comment about her own lack of socializing with the staff. It took every ounce of will for her jaw to not hang wide open. Instead, she smiled politely, her eyes dark and glaring as McGonagall turned her back. "Well, I'll leave you to handle your students. Good evening, professors." With a curt nod of her own, Selene swept up the staircase and out of view.

Severus spent several seconds trying to sort through the moment, and the odd, confusing sense of annoyance and frustration, before taking his ire out on whichever students had been foolhardy enough to get caught doing whatever it was they had done.


	5. Chapter 5

(_author's notes. Yes, I know this particular scene is uncanon, but I began writing this before HBP came out, and changed the timeline to match and be canonical. However, I loved this scene and could not take it out. Forgive me.)_

_

* * *

_

_Isn't there a lovely Muggle quote about children being seen and not heard?_

Selene's head pounded as another screech of laughter reached her ears, her body automatically turning to tap some errant student on the shoulder, her dark eyes cold and glaring, the silent reprimand enough. For the moment, at least.

_Bloody ball. Bloody holiday. Bloody headmaster with his bloody brilliant ideas on how to distract their attentions from the bloody tyrant roaming the castle grounds and the bloody rumors of war brewing right outside the bloody castle gates. _

It had only been an hour since the Halloween Ball had begun, and while only NEWT level students were allowed to attend, she was convinced that some of the younger students had found ways to slip inside the Great Hall. Probably taking advantage of the sixth and seventh students foolish enough to attempt to slip out, all in bad attempts at subtlety.

Three such pairs were already in Filch's custody.

Her hand went to her temples, the pain starting to slip behind her eye. The last thing she needed at that moment was a migraine. The so-called music was bad enough without her becoming hypersensitive to its pulsing beats. With a wince, she rubbed the spot, hoping to magically soothe it away.

A hand tapped her shoulder and she looked up, seeing a small vial held in front of her.

Her eyes followed the hand to the arm, the arm to the owner, and found herself staring into familiar black eyes. "And what, pray tell, is this? Some magic antidote to the frustration of teenage hormonal angst?"

Severus smirked at her flippant sarcasm. "Good evening to you too. And in a way, it is." His head bent to whisper in her ear, necessary after the start of the newest song, which drowned out coherent conversation. "For your obvious headache, Professor. Can't have you sneaking away pleading illness and leaving me the only rational adult in charge, after all."

She pulled away, snatching the vial, staring at him in obvious confusion. "Do you always carry some random potion in your pockets, or am I just really fortunate this evening?"

He actually shrugged, taking an overly-casual stance next to her, his eyes watching a particular grouping of Gryffindor students with rapt attention. "Given the band Dumbledore hired for the evening, I thought it was prudent to come prepared."

She followed his gaze as she quickly downed the potion, feeling the headache melt away immediately, finding it easier to actually stand the ball again. "Thank you." A slight smile graced her lips as she replaced the stopper and handed the thin vial back over to him, watching him pocket it deftly. "So, has your evening been as completely and utterly wasted as mine, or have you managed to find a modicum of entertainment in the shrill music and inane chatter of the children?"

His eyes immediately rolled.

Somehow, it made him seem more human.

"I'll take that as a 'yes, Selene, my evening is a mutual disaster, thanks for asking', then."

He took two steps to his left, tapped a student on the shoulder and gave him a stern look, then returned to her side. "I cannot imagine a greater waste of time. Except for that Valentine's Ball that Sprout is concocting."

She lost her composure, staring up at him in disgust and shock. "Oh, please tell me you're telling tales now. Please."

"Trust me, I wish I could. You should have been in the last senior staff meeting. She and Flitwick were already working out coordinated enchantments, and Dumbledore gave it his support without hesitation." Severus sighed deeply, an exhausted sort of exasperation in his eyes. "And while it was probably the only thing McGonagall and I have agreed upon in a year, it wasn't enough to dissuade the others."

Selene groaned, her eyes immediately making contact with another pair of students attempting to slip from the room, her quick jerk of her head towards the middle of the room being rewarded by slumped shoulders and a pair of subdued figures returning to the dance floor. "I refuse to be present at anything involving pink hearts and copious amounts of lace."

"Would you believe Flitwick suggested pixies?"

Her look of repulsion amused him.

"I wonder whatever happened to Karkaroff, and if he's returned to his school and is still looking for an Astronomer," she mused aloud. "At least such foolishness doesn't take place at Durmstrang."

His body stiffened noticeably, and his attention grew honed. "I wasn't aware that you and Karkaroff were acquainted."

Selene turned her head at the perceptible cool edge to his voice. _Well, well. A sore spot at last? Wonder where that comes from?_ Aloud, she waved her hand in a slight dismissal of the comment. "I attended school there, and unfortunately, he did as well."

_What in Hades is an Italian doing attending a Slavic Wizarding school? Why didn't she simply attend La Stregoneria? Why go somewhere that far away? Then again, why would an Italian be teaching at a British school, Severus you fool? She likely has her reasons. Why are you interested searching for answers to questions such as these anyway?_

He couldn't answer himself.

Selene couldn't help but notice the change in the air between them. Tension from the innocent comment seemed to entwine around them both, making her feel irritatingly awkward. "I think I'm going to take a walk around. Trelawney's heading this way, and I really don't want to have to remind her my first name has three syllables. Besides, three professors in one spot is one too many. Lets the hellions act out more easily."

Before he could protest, she slipped away, immediately insinuating herself in a small cluster of students, disentangling them from their mischief and sending them on their ways with a brisk efficiency he both respected and envied.

And then the hairs on the back of his neck bristled up as the overwhelming scent of incense drifted toward him.

Taking a few quick steps away from the spot, his black robes swirling behind him, Severus stalked to a corner, trying to decide how best to avoid the torture that could only come from forced small talk with Sybill Trelawney.

The sudden slower tempo of the music and the rush of partnered pairs to the floor left him with no viable means of escape.

"Severus!" The misty voice stopped him in his tracks, causing the slight groan to slip his lips, his back muscles tightening as his body tensed, slowly turning on heel to face her, no other alternative making itself known to him. "It has been far too long since we've had a conversation."

He didn't bother politely nodding. "That would be because there's not much to converse about, Trelawney." Severus deliberately lowered his voice, chilling it in a schooled effect that had swiftly gained him control over classes, situations, and people that he otherwise would not have been able to manipulate.

She didn't take hints so easily.

"That is how little you know, Severus. I have been meaning to come find you for days now. To tell you…"

Her words were quickly interrupted by a cough.

Selene hid her smirk at the look of annoyance on Trelawney's part, as well as the gratitude and confusion etched in Severus' eyes. Instead, she smoothly let the bold-faced lie slip from her lips. "So sorry to interrupt your chat, Sybill. However, Severus here did promise me a dance earlier, and given the change in music, I've come to collect." She bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing at his shocked stare. "Oh, don't tell me you've changed your mind? I've been looking forward to this for an hour now!"

Severus quickly weighed the two choices in his head: stay and have his ear talked off by Trelawney, or share a quick public moment with a teacher whom, until a few weeks ago, he'd barely spoken to in thirteen years of teaching under the same roof.

The choice was simple.

"Of course not. I had merely forgotten." Turning to Trelawney, he nodded. "Terribly sorry, Trelawney. Perhaps another time." He offered his hand to Selene. "Shall we?"

She smiled coquettishly as she took the proffered hand. "Don't mind if I do."

As they walked away, Sybill Trelawney tried to salvage some face from the defection. "Of course, I understand. Prior agreements and such. In fact, I knew I wouldn't be able to speak long with you, Severus. Enjoy your dance, Selene."

Her teeth instantly began to grind. Under her breath, she muttered, her temper taking over for one moment. "Not. Sell. Een. Sell. Eh. Nay. How bloody hard is it? It's Greek, not French, you insipid woman."

Severus hid a small smile as he pulled her seamlessly into the dance, leaving a proprietary amount of room between them, feeling Trelawney's eyes watching them. Among others. "Don't be overly hard on her. After all, the Inner Eye takes up so much of her mind that she cannot be bothered with rather pedestrian issues like pronunciation."

She couldn't help it. She laughed. Immediately her tense muscles began to relax themselves, and she found herself slipping into the dance with minimal effort. He felt the difference in her posture, his hand resting on her hip lightly, guiding her instinctively, hard-pressed to remember the last time he'd actually danced. "By the way, to what did I owe the complete lie you told simply to rescue me from that moment?"

"Well, you did share that little remedy earlier, saving me from hours of pain. I figured if you'd been selfless enough to cure my headache, the least I could do was keep you from gaining one of your own." Selene gave him a hint of a smirk. "And besides, it's been far too long since I took a turn around a dance floor. Thought I could arrange solutions to both problems quite admirably."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "And what if I had proven to be a terrible dancer?"

Selene shrugged. "Hadn't thought of that possibility."

"Well, thank you for saving me. Regardless of how unorthodox the means."

Her cheeks tinged with an almost-unnoticeable red. "I couldn't think of anything else on that short of notice. And after I realized it was fairly rude of me to save myself by sacrificing you, my conscience wouldn't let me rest." As her words hung between them, the song ended, another slow one immediately following, prompting her to begin to pull away.

He surprised even himself. Instead of letting go, Severus stepped slightly closer, pulling her into another dance. "You're not leaving so soon, are you?"

Her steps faltered slightly before falling into the movements again, flawless in her motions. "I would have assumed you'd be grateful that the 'unorthodox' moment was over."

"And end your time on the dance floor? After you put me in your debt for rescuing me from a moment of annoyance and irritation?" His eyebrows crooked upward. "Do you have any idea the lengths I will go to just to stay away from her?"

Selene shot him a look of mock-distress. "So, I'm just a means to an end, am I?"

Severus' reply was immediate and bordering on defensive. "I didn't say that. If I didn't want to spend the time with you, I would have found another way to escape her."

It was her turn for the raised eyebrows. "Be careful, Professor Snape. That almost sounded like a compliment. A few more of those and your reputation for isolation and self-restraint may be in jeopardy."

"May I say you have an amazing gift for sarcasm?"

"I try."

"If that's your definition of 'trying', I'd hate to see you actually accomplish."

"Well, keep providing me with practice, and one day it may just happen."

Their repartee continued along with their dance until the end of the song, when the band deemed themselves sufficiently rested for their previous cacophony of noise and loud-pitched screeching. Immediately, some students rushed to the floor, and others saw their opportunities to try and slip away, yet again, from the professors' gazes. Swapping identical looks of annoyance, they each stepped in opposite directions, both handling the students with an eerie duality of purpose and poise.

It wasn't until two hours later, when the Ball was officially over, students returning to four houses scattered across the castle, that Severus realized Selene was nowhere in sight. Part of him felt relieved, knowing he wouldn't have to find some awkward way to close their evening, while a part of him felt disappointed that the conversation wouldn't continue. Despite her sardonic wit, Selene Sinistra was proving to be an interesting conversationalist.

As he approached the door to his apartments, he noticed something glinting in the torchlight beside it. Swooping down, he found himself lifting a glass bottle, corked, the dark glass concealing the color of the liquid inside. Confused, he quickly looked the bottle over, until noting a small insignia stamped onto the cork.

A bunch of grapes under a half moon.

Somehow, drinking the wine alone wasn't as appealing as it normally would have been.


	6. Chapter 6

_Maybe Claudius is right. Maybe this really IS madness…_

The break in the weather gave Selene hope to be able to complete observations before it picked up again, so she stood in the observation tower, cloak wrapped around her, breath hanging in clouds around her, one eye peering into the telescope lens, one hand haphazardly scribbling notes for her to later transcribe. Every clear shot she had of the impending meteor shower was precious to her; one moment all would be fine, the next, a thick snow cloud would block the sight from her.

November snowstorms were frustrating at best.

Heaving a sigh as fat snowflakes began to drift in front of her view, Selene pushed herself away from the telescope, reaching for her notes, grateful she'd learned how to write straight without having to look. Hands on the stone windowsill, she breathed deeply, aware for the first time in an hour bone-chilling cold the air around her. The almost-full moon hanging in the sky told her she still had hours to go before dawn.

As she breathed again, a scent wafted to her. Cloves. Then a second, more familiar smell drifted in the air, and Selene turned, one brow raised. "Impressive. I don't believe anyone has ever managed to sneak up on me before."

Severus shrugged, a pair of mugs in his hands, holding one out to her. "It was actually fairly easy. I believe you were using some rather harsh language while scolding a cloud for getting in your way. I did knock, but you didn't hear me."

Selene took the cup from him, the deep aroma of fresh coffee making her close her eyes in momentary bliss before taking a sip, the rich boldness of the blend soothing her mild irritation. "Well, the cloud simply didn't understand the incredibly bad timing it possessed. I had just managed to focus on my sight when it did that." She took another sip of the coffee, feeling the warmth of the liquid go through her, before continuing. "And I must say, this is better than the wine I was planning to have. What brings you up here on such a retched night?"

"I wanted to return the favor." At her puzzled expression, he elaborated. "The wine you left on my doorstep the other evening." He actually shivered involuntarily for a moment. "And I thought the dungeons were cold…"

"The dungeons don't have wide-opened windows, though."

"The dungeons don't have windows of any kind."

"Then I fail to see the surprise in my tower being cold, when it would be the logical conclusion after observing open windows in winter."

"Your tower?"

"Yes, my tower. This is the Astronomy Tower. I am the Astronomy professor. Hence, my tower. Don't you refer to the dungeons as 'yours', on occasion?"

"Do you banter like this with everyone who brings you coffee at midnight?"

"Considering the fact that you're the only person who has ever brought me coffee, at midnight or any hour of the evening for that matter, I would have to say yes, I do."

"That's unfortunate."

"How so?"

"You're quite adept at the art of bantering."

Selene brought the coffee to her lips again, turning away from the man to quickly think of another retort. _Morgan's lake, you silly girl, quit reading so much into all of this. He enjoys debating – you know that. It's not like you two have never had a conversation before. There's nothing hidden there, so stop acting like one of your silly simpering students._

Why did her conscience disappoint her so?

"You're not that bad yourself, truth be told." She set the mug down, gathering up parchment before it blew away, the breeze picking up from the windows, charming them all closed again, a heating charm warming the air quickly. "It's nice to have someone intelligent to debate with now and again."

The warm air didn't quite reach him.

_Why are you so intent on looking for something that likely isn't there? A few conversations, some wine and coffee, and a pair of dances in front of the entire school does not mean there's anything there, you fool. _

"So, what were you observing before the weather managed to pique your temper?"

Somehow, the question relaxed Selene immensely – discussions of her chosen field always managed to return her to some state of inner equilibrium. "There's a fascinating meteor shower coming into view over the next several days. I'm actually quite excited; I don't often get to observe one with such clarity from Hogwarts." She actually began referencing her notes, pointing to measurements and calculations on the parchment, having completely forgotten her company's lack of knowledge of astronomy. "It's the Leonids shower, actually. Rather unusual activity within it this year. Normally, rates are much lower and more infrequent, but this year, the number of meteors actually in view will be four to five times higher than years past. At least, according to my calculations. See here," she jerked one parchment from under the pile, pointing to an arcing calculation, "is the trajectories of the few precursor objects I was able to spot this evening. While normally, only a couple come into view before the shower's full intensity, the number tonight was actually the same as last year's peak activity…" Selene finally looked up, silent, her cheeks actually turning a slight shade of pink. "And you have absolutely no interest in this whatsoever, do you?"

Severus coughed slightly, trying to look less guilty. "Not a lack of interest. More of a lack of understanding on my part. I have to confess, I don't know much about meteor showers in general, so this discussion is, sadly, lost on me."

Selene looked sheepish as she gathered her papers up again, her enthusiasm slowly fading. "Don't apologize. I'd probably be just as lost if you took me down to your workroom and waxed eloquent over some complicated potion that I never heard of before." She gave him a wan sort of smile. "Different fields, different academic interests. Sometimes, I'm amazed we have much to discuss at all."

"We do have mutual interests in reading material."

She nodded. "True. Although I have to take your word on that, since I've yet to see your library."

"We could always rectify that."

Both of them stood awkwardly, the comment hanging between them in the air. The implied subtext echoing loudly in the silence.

Out of nowhere, they both began talking.

"On second thought, I need to be up in the morning to work on…"

"I should probably go work on these calculations so I'm not overwhelmed tomorrow…"

They exchanged a long, pointed stare, before Severus broke the renewed silence. "I'm glad you enjoyed the coffee."

"Thank you for bringing it."

She stood in the stillness of the room, watching his retreat, before sighing harshly, the sound echoing off the stone walls. Despite the chill and the snowfall, Selene wrenched open the door leading to the open observation desk, one hand reaching to undo the knot holding her hair in place, letting it fly free around her, the thick black locks tangling in the winter breeze, small white snowflakes settling in stark relief against them.

For once, she was grateful for the snow.

It made it easier for her to pretend she wasn't crying.

* * *

_Usually, in polite civilization, feeling a sudden rush of desire to slap one's employer could be construed as destructive._

Selene told her inner voice to bugger off, as she stood in the Headmaster's office, hands on hips, glaring darkly at Albus Dumbledore. "I'm not sure whether to feel insulted or shocked right now."

"My apologies, Selene. However, you should have known I would need to ask questions like these soon."

"I thought I made this clear thirteen years ago when you interviewed me."

"A lot has changed in the world in thirteen years."

"I see that. Thirteen years ago, my word was enough for you."

"Selene, I only ask because…"

She stopped his words with a dark look. Which, for the moment, surprised Albus Dumbledore. Usually the only person who managed such a feat was his Potions Master.

Selene paced in front of him, her brown eyes locked on the man who'd managed to ruin her evening. "Then let me reassure you now. I promised thirteen years ago to never tell tales about anything I saw or heard in this castle to any member of my family, and that promise still holds true. Just as I don't ever tell you things I've seen or heard when visiting home. Morals versus ethics, remember?"

Albus Dumbledore held back his sigh, exhaustion still filling him like it did most days since Voldemort's return. "I remember, Selene."

"Good. Then you also remember that you promised me you'd never question my word, nor would you waste your breath trying to recruit me into your little coven of do-gooding witches and wizards. My only condition upon your ultimatum." Her words came out cold as ice. "Bad enough I'm reminded in letters from home how my brothers dislike my chosen profession. Worse still to have daily reminders of how I dislike theirs."

Albus nodded. "I understand…"

"Like hell you do." Selene snapped, her pacing ceasing. "With all due respect, Headmaster. Like. Hell. You. Do. You cannot possibly know how I feel, let alone understand the quandary of right and wrong in which I have found myself. Hard enough finding employment after the War, but to have to work for someone whose viewpoints conflict so strongly with my family's…"

Dumbledore let the words hang for a moment before replying. "You're right. I don't know how it feels to be caught between family and personal ideology. However, I do know that you've handled it admirably. And you're not the only person who has found work hard to come by after a war where dark pitted itself against good."

"That's prejudicial at the least, and you damn well know it."

"True. Both yourself and Remus Lupin prove that comment false. I apologize. I only meant that caution sometimes wins out over principles. After all, I do need to ensure the safety of my students and staff..."

He hadn't thought Selene's eyes could narrow further.

He was wrong.

"You dare to say that to me. After you hired a _werewolf_ and let him run rampant on the grounds for almost a full year? He almost killed three students. Not to mention the _Dementors_ that were allowed full access to the school. Or how about the complete witch hunt that's going on this school year, with an utterly unstable professor turning herself into a dictator and invoking carte blanche on the students. All of these things, which cause incalculable amounts of risk and harm , and you worry about ME endangering them? That's rich!"

"I'd like to state now that I didn't make any illusions to your directly placing anyone in harm's way."

"I should surely hope so, since it's been thirteen years and no one's figured it out except Pomfrey. And you knew what I was and who I was and where I came from when you hired me. If you were so damned worried, why hire me in the first damned place?"

"Because you're a brilliant astronomer and a talented instructor. Nothing else seemed to matter."

"Well, forgive me if that's poor consolation now." The words spat forth, venom coating them, as a dark rage seemed to boil inside her.

"Would the knowledge that you are not the only professor I'm having similar conversations with assuage your frustration?"

Selene's eyebrows shot up. "Not really, since I can only think of one other you would remotely have any qualms about. And since he's taught here longer than I, I would have to think your continued employment of him would indicate either a greater trust in his abilities, or supreme idiocy on your part."

Dumbledore smiled softly, a knowing and appreciative gleam in his overly-expressive blue eyes. "I should have known he would have told you about his past."

"He didn't. My brother did." She leaned against the desk, eyeing him closer. "As you should have known he would."

"As I suspected, but had no proof. However, in my defense, you have been spending more social time with Severus than anyone else in the castle, therefore I assumed that conversation had already arisen."

Selene pursed her lips. "First of all, contrary to popular belief, that 'social time' has not been as frequent as you intimate it has, nor has it crossed any lines of propriety. Secondly, he hasn't told me and I haven't told him. That conversation has not come up, nor will it, most likely. Chances are, he knows I know anyway. Unless he's a bigger idiot than I have proof of, and hasn't put two and two together."

"He may not have, all things considered."

"Why are we even discussing this again?"

"I just needed to know where your loyalties lay, that's all, Selene."

"I wasn't aware segueing into a fishing expedition about my personal life and subsequently related conversations with other staff members was actively correlated to my loyalties to your school and your precious Order."

"Anything that could affect this school and the impending war is my concern, Selene."

Fire burned in her eyes, the deep rich brown shading closer to black than normal, the passion in her words convincing him more than the actual content. "I have stayed neutral where the war and the sides in it are concerned for thirteen years, Headmaster. I will stay neutral for however long it takes for it to end. I will say to you what I said to all four of my brothers three years ago: don't make me choose sides– you may not like my choice."

Dumbledore took these words with his usual calm response. "That is all I can hope to ask for, Selene."

"Good." With a flurry of deep midnight blue robes swirling around her ankles, she headed for the door, flinging it open, crashing directly into a black-clad figure.

The scent of cloves told her immediately who it was.

Severus stared in a slight case of shock as Selene pulled herself away, eyes narrowed as she looked once more at Dumbledore before turning to leave again. "I take it you're here for your interrogation as well. Enjoy."

Her long black hair swung, unbound, behind her as she stormed away.

Dumbledore let out a sigh as the door closed again. "I'm afraid Professor Sinistra didn't enjoy our conversation."

"I'd be forced to agree." Severus quirked an eyebrow before settling into the chair opposite the Headmaster, looking across the desk. "What did she mean by interrogation?"

"Simply that I needed to ask her a few questions regarding the current political climate of the world in which we live. Just as I had to ask you."

A long silence filled the room.

"I wasn't aware her loyalty would come into question."

"Everyone has a past, Severus."

The comment hung in the air, almost tangible, both men simply staring at each other.

"Why do I feel as if I'm missing some relevant piece of information here?"

"Because you are. However, it's not in my purview to relieve you of your ignorance in this situation. Some things, Severus, are not mine to disclose to you."

"Is this to be another of those legendary cryptic evenings?"

"It depends."

"On?"

Dumbledore smiled casually, an expression which irked his former student. "On whether or not you plan to continue wondering about my conversation with Professor Sinistra, or if you plan to tell me what brings you here, considering I was under the assumption you would be off-grounds this evening."

_One of these days, I'm going to get drunk enough to ask the man how he does that._

Without fanfare or flourish, Severus pulled out a packet of parchment. Letters, unsealed, with various handwritings on each. Dumbledore received them, silent, his eyes taking them in, the full weight of what he held slowly coming to him.

"How did you…"

"Don't ask. I can't tell you, and even if I could, you'd be happier not knowing." Snape's black eyes burned as he stared at Dumbledore, emphasizing the words. "But there you are. Direct correspondence connecting six Ministry workers to known Death Eaters, bribes clearly offered, everything spelled out plainly for anyone to read. Which, if I believe, was two workers more than you'd suspected."

Dumbledore folded them carefully, opening an enchanted drawer in his desk, settling the parchment inside delicately. Both men heard the drawer click shut of its own accord and vanish from sight. "Thank you, Severus."

The potions master rose and left the room without a sound. As usual.

Despite the late November chill, his feet took him outside, needing the cold winter air to clear his head. Whenever he completed one of these missions, Severus needed to be alone for a while. It never got comfortable, manipulating people in order to pay his penance for his sins. Every time he came back to the school, it only reinforced in his mind how many sins there really were.

His feet crunched in the snow, the wind whipped the bare trees, the waves on the lake lapped frantically against the ice-rimmed shores. The cold air surrounded him, numbing his skin, somehow soothing his conscience. Slowly, deliberately, he walked around the castle, the aching cold surrounding him.

It was the shadow he saw in the snow that drew his attention.

Something small, perched on the northern tower. Something waving around it, reflected in the moonlight.

His eyes traveled upward, seeing a woman on the outer ring of the Astronomy tower, standing near the edge, her long black hair whipping around her in the breeze.

Inexplicably, the sight did more to assuage his pain than the cold ever had.


	7. Chapter 7

_If I hear one more ghost singing carols off-key as they soar around the halls, I'll go mad._

Term was coming to a close. Soon, the children would board their little train and go away for a few weeks. It couldn't come soon enough, in Selene's mind. She couldn't wait to simply sleep, get up, finish a pair of articles for submission, and look at the stars for sheer enjoyment.

Not to mention find any way possible to get out of going home.

Her hands walked over books in the stacks of the library, tracing old, leather-covered spines, the titles deeply embossed. Many of the titles were familiar, having used them in research over thirteen years of teaching.

One of the privileges of being at Hogwarts. One actually had the time to pursue academic interests.

Finally, she found the one she'd been seeking, pulling the dusty, fragile book from the shelf, settling down at a nearby table with it. Although a preservation charm was on the book now, it had already arrived in a fairly deteriorated state, and even Madam Pince could restore it completely. Of course, the book itself was older than the school that housed it, so all in all, it was in a rather miraculous state.

Finding the section she was looking for, Selene tried to settle fairly comfortably in the wholly uncomfortable seats at the entirely unpleasant table nearest the astronomy section. She hated having to look at some of the books here, but because of their age, they had to remain in the safety of the library's Restricted Section. A stack of her own notes, as well as a quill, lay beside her on the table.

An hour later, footsteps echoed behind her.

"Ancient Greek?"

Selene's eyes barely left the page as black robes swirled into her peripheral line of sight. "I wasn't aware the Potions division was in this corner of the Section."

"It's not. Alchemy, however, is." Severus held up a copy of 'Alchemic Compositions, volume 143'. "Related subjects."

"Ah." Selene stretched, an hour pouring over ancient astronomical observation making her neck feel sore. "And yes, Greek. Fairly ancient, but not terribly so."

"I would have thought an Italian would read Latin."

"I do. But many Astronomy texts older than a few hundred years are often in Greek."

"Wouldn't they have been translated by now?"

"Sometimes, things are lost in the translation."

He smirked slightly, a sardonic glint in his black eyes. "Very true." His eyes swept the page, looking down and slightly over her shoulder, noting diagrams interspersed in the paragraphs of what appeared to be handwritten text. "I'm almost surprised to see you here and not in your tower, especially on a clear night like this."

Selene groaned. "The only time this room is quiet is at night, I can't abide chatter when I'm trying to focus, and I have been told on pain of torture from Madam Pince that this book is not to ever leave this room. Which is utterly frustrating, when you're trying to compare your notes to those of a man who observed the same comet as you over 1200 years ago. And considering it's almost midnight, I'm surprised to see you in here, Professor. Thought you were an early riser."

"I am. However, I was working on lesson plans, and decided my sixth years need to be reminded that they cannot merely coast through classes just because there may or may not be a war going on around them." His observing gaze took in her sudden shift in posture, the tense lines her shoulders took, and the almost-inaudible intake of breath. "My apologies. I didn't mean to…"

She waved him off, rising, gathering her notes and closing the book, replacing it in its correct spot. "No need. Really. I just don't like thinking about the idea of a war, that's all. Silly, really."

"I don't see what's silly about it." Severus watched her, adding one last book to the pile in his hands after letting the gargoyle at the end of the section see the book he was taking. "After all, war is never an easy subject to deal with."

Selene nodded, still avoiding his eyes, her head kept fairly down. "Hence why I tend to avoid the topic when at all possible. The more I can avoid it, the happier I tend to be."

Her words triggered a recall of the evening she ran into him, leaving Dumbledore's office.

_I wasn't aware her loyalty would come into question._

_Everyone has a past, Severus._

The thoughts made him wonder, as they inexplicably had for several nights now. What kind of past would an Italian astronomer have that would cause questions like those?

_And why do you find yourself intrigued enough to want to know?_

Selene turned her head to give him a puzzled stare. "What?"

"Excuse me?"

"You went completely silent there for a moment and you're staring at that hideous painting of Mordecai the Morose."

Severus focused for the first time ahead of him and cringed. He'd always hated that painting, the goblin staring out of the canvas with a look of painful sadness, covered in gore. Rather distasteful, honestly. "Sorry. I was merely thinking."

Selene sighed, watching the guarded look return to his face. "I see. Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts."

"You don't have to, you know."

Selene stopped, turning back to face him, her arms full of parchment and quill. "I know."

"You do?"

"I assumed if I wasn't welcome to stay in your company, you would have said so, or not approached me in the first place." Her eyes narrowed slightly as she tried to drive her point home so clearly even a man could understand it. "However, it's late for you, and I'm sure both of us has work still ahead of us. Besides, just because I don't have to leave your company doesn't mean I shouldn't. You clearly have a lot on your mind, and you don't require me distracting you from it."

The words came out of his mouth before he realized he'd even thought them.

"What if I want you to distract me?"

Selene dropped her books.

"You don't. Trust me."

Severus stared at her, taking in the sudden rigidity of her posture, the little color draining from her face, paling her beyond her usual fragile coloring. However, now that he thought about it, she'd looked paler than usual before his ill-timed comment. Not that the pale grey robes helped, but contrasting with her black hair, her skin had a rather white pallor to it.

It was then that his eye caught one tiny sliver of color. A red streak on her robe sleeve, almost to her wrist.

It took him a moment to realize it was blood.

Selene followed his eyes to her arm, seeing the blood seeping through the gauze that wrapped around her forearm. _Damn it, I thought I'd be alright for another hour or so._

Severus reached for her arm. "What happened? Why haven't you had Madam Pomfrey look at that?"

Selene jerked back her arm before he could reach it, cradling it to her torso, out of his line of sight, her dark eyes wide, a look of panic reflected within. "It's nothing. Galileo just scratched me earlier when I startled her. It looks worse than it is. Really, I'll be fine."

Her voice sounded uneven and forced even to her.

"Are you sure?" Severus kept his voice low, trying to reassure her. _That can't be a mere scratch. She's managed to bleed through however many layers of cotton, and her robe sleeve as well. Why didn't she at least do a small healing charm? Why won't she let me help her?_

Selene nodded, gathering her dropped books, her eyes kept as far from Severus' own as possible. "I'll be fine. I promise. I…I have to go."

He stood there for several minutes after she swept from the library, the complete change in her demeanor unsettling to him.

_And this is why we don't try to reach out to others, Severus. Too many walls surround us all, and it requires far too much effort to tear them down._

In the hallway, she paused, leaning against the brick wall, tears pricking her eyes.

_He wouldn't have hurt you._

_But I couldn't let him know._

_Why can't you trust him?_

_Because I haven't trusted anyone since I was twenty-one._

_He's not them._

She wandered the halls to her apartments, tossing the papers and books unceremoniously on the coffee table, then sank down onto her couch, Galileo immediately leaping into her lap. Her hand shook as it unwound the gauze wrapping, exposing the two small puncture wounds on her arm.

_I could never let him see me like this._

_

* * *

_

False dawn was breaking as Selene stepped out on the observation deck again, taking her wand and pointing it at the snow covering the stone, melting it to give her clearer footing. The chill in the air was biting, but she barely noticed it. The glass in her other hand was

frosting over, the red wine already losing its heat.

Still, she didn't care.

Sliding her wand back in her robe pocket, Selene pulled on the ribbon holding her hair back, letting the wind whip and tangle her hair as it pleased. She stood there, feeling her robes and skirt flap around her, her eyes staring southward with a harsh intent gleaming in them, the faintness of light to her left barely enough to illuminate the trees and lake below.

The anger that burned in her was enough to keep her warm in the December cold.

_Selene, please. You know Claudius is right. The time to hide behind your telescope and books is over. The world has changed, irrevocably so, and you must change with it. You and I both know that, soon enough, you'll be put in a position where you're forced to_

_act, where indecision could be dangerous. Please, little sister. Mama is worried sick. The twins are constantly on edge with fear. That castle you call home can't keep you safe. Not like we can. Please, Selene. You've been away long enough. Come home. _

Julius' letter had arrived hours ago, but it still felt like she'd just broken the seal. Claudius was always pompous, and the twins always overprotective, but Julius had been her confidant since she had been able to speak a coherent sentence.

If Julius thought her world was coming to an end...

They couldn't understand why she never came home. Why she'd left Italy behind. Why she stayed at Hogwarts despite the cold and the loneliness and the hours of solitude. Why she kept her distance. Why she isolated herself to her books and her research and almost never let anyone close to her.

Somehow, she knew in her heart they never would.

The faint moonlight caught the marks on her arm, just above her wrist, and Selene cringed as she re-examined the twin wounds, healing but clearly visible. The pain of what they represented to her still lingered, even though the physical pain had long ago ceased to bother her.

They were another sign that she'd never be able to accept friendship from anyone.

_He didn't know, Selene. He saw you hurting and he offered to help. That isn't such a terrible thing._

_Of course it is. What if he'd seen? He'd know me for who I am. I can't let anyone know. It was the promise I made when I came here. If I did…_

_You don't give him enough credit, girl. The man isn't exactly the average closed-minded wizard. Besides, you know far more about the demons in his closet than he does about yours._

_Or so I think. He's not like Claudius…_

_You're right. He's a better man than your brother._

_Isn't that rather presumptuous of me to think?_

_You need to listen to your heart more, girl. And stop hiding in the tower._

_The tower keeps me safe._

_The tower also keeps you alone. _

The stars still twinkled to the right of her, deep in the west, the slight pale tint to the eastern sky telling her that the false dawn would soon enough give way to the real one. The coming light brought with it the end of another day.

Another day, alone.

_Maybe I should just go home. At least there, I won't have to hide._

_But if you go home, your life won't be your own, anymore._

_It's not fair…_

_It's also no one's fault._

She swirled the wine glass, letting the red liquid slosh inside, warming it slightly. All she wanted was peace. To forget. To lose her pain. Sadly, that meant the wine. With a sigh, and eyes closed tight against the tears that wanted to come, she raised the wine glass to her lips.

When she hit the stone below her, she barely felt it, the blackness consuming her completely.

The wine glass crashed down with her, shattering beside her crumpled form.

* * *

_One of these days, I'm finally going to accept this is insomnia and actually make a sleeping potion_.

Severus walked the hallways, the skies still dark through the windows, only the tiniest sliver of light to the east hinting as to the early hour. More often than not these days, he found it harder and harder to sleep, his mind wrapping around complex thoughts.

Dangerous thoughts.

Footsteps fell behind him and he spun on his heel, wand held in fist, ready to spring if necessary. The white hair and beard, barely visible in the darkness of the hallway, made him relax his guard ever so slightly.

"I am forced to wonder, Severus, what our High Inquisitor would say about your sneaking around the halls at such an early hour of the day. And so far from your dungeons, as well."

"Probably not as much as she'd have to say about you doing the same, Headmaster."

Dumbledore smiled faintly at the sharp cold edging the retort, having expected no less from his Potions Master this early in the day. "Very true, Severus. However, I've learned how to answer her queries and still give her nothing. A trait, it seems, you also possess." He walked over to a window, staring out at the trees across the way, swaying snow-capped in the breeze.

Severus jerked his head at the comment, eyes narrowing at the implication hidden far beneath the words. "Is there something you'd like to come out and say to me, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore paused, collecting his thoughts, as if he planned to take the younger man up on his offer, when a soft rustling of air broke towards them. With a start, he stared at the look of fearful concern on the ghost before him. "Milady. Whatever is the matter?"

The Grey Lady of Ravenclaw Tower hovered before him, her hands wringing themselves, her usual calm demeanor anything but. "Headmaster, it's the Professor. Something's happened to her. I think she's ill. She won't waken. And I can't leave the tower itself to see to her."

Snape stared at the ghost, the words making little sense. Dumbledore, on the other hand, seemed to understand perfectly. "She collapsed on the landing?" At the ghost's nod, he stared out the window, a wave of concern and fear crossing his eyes, making Severus stare in even more confusion, before turning to the Astronomy Tower stairs, climbing them at a rapid pace.

Severus stared in confusion at the Astronomy doorway, mind reeling. _Who won't waken? Why would the Grey Lady try to wake her? Why would she feel the need to leave the tower to do anything?_

The answer came from his lips rather than his mind. "Professor Sinistra."

He flew up the stairs without another thought.

Dumbledore was kneeling in a thin layer of snow, bent over a pile of black robes sprawled on the stones under the sky, snowflakes covering it quickly. When he looked over his shoulder to stare at the man standing in the doorway, Severus finally saw the long black hair, the pale skin, the splash of red wine and broken glass. "I can't wake her. Her breathing is shallow, her heartbeat faint. We have to get her inside, quickly."

Severus immediately swept over to them, checking Selene's head, finding a bump where she hit it on the stone. "We can't. She's unconscious. She could be hurt worse." He stared at the Grey Lady, floating just inside the doorway. "Go fetch Pomfrey."

"No!" Dumbledore's shout echoed back, making Severus jerk his head, jaw hanging. "Milady, don't fetch anyone. Please, stand guard, and alert us if anyone tries to enter the tower."

"Are you mad? She's injured and unconscious. She needs a medi-witch. I'm not qualified..."

Dumbledore glared harshly at Snape, his blue eyes boring into the man's black ones. "You're uniquely qualified to care for her. She's not waking because she's been poisoned." At this revelation, Dumbledore picked up a shard of the wine glass, handing it to Snape, who first sniffed, then licked cautiously at the residue.

"Wolfsbane? Someone poisoned her with wolfsbane?" His mind raced, staring down at the woman who refused to regain consciousness, her lips edging with blue, scarcely breathing. "But diluted wolfsbane's not fatal to humans..."

Dumbledore cut him off. "We have to get her inside, Severus. The sun is rising. When she's safely indoors and stable, we can discuss this all you wish, but for now we must get her indoors."

"But moving her might injure her further..."

"And leaving her here will kill her!" Dumbledore's voice was iron.

As Severus fumed, he aimed his wand, levitating the witch in order to cause the least amount of further injury to her. As he did, her body shifted, her head rolling back slightly, her mouth parting open, causing him to almost release the spell and drop her.

A tiny pair of fangs caught the edge of sunlight.

Every piece of the puzzle, from the secrecy to the need to get her inside to the effects of the wolfsbane, snapped into place.

_Circe's song. She's a vampire. No wonder the wolfsbane's making her unconscious. It's in her blood by now…and Dumbledore knew – that's why he was insistent on getting her inside before sunrise._

_If Umbridge finds out about this…_

His imagination was a little _too_ talented on occasion.


	8. Chapter 8

Severus had to actually shake his head to come back to reality from the fog of spinning thoughts in his head. The headmaster was conferring quickly and quietly with the Grey Lady, who finally nodded and sailed through a wall, out of the room. "I need you to take Professor Sinistra to her apartments. Madam Pomfrey will meet you there. Stay with her until I tell you otherwise." Without another word, Dumbledore opened the door, peered down the hallway, and strode from sight.

Severus stared blankly after the old man for a minute before gathering the unconscious woman in his arms, not trusting his spellwork to levitate her safely after the shock of his realization, carefully making his way down worn stone steps to the floor below, heading down the hallway until arriving at her apartment door.

"Aconite."

Sinistra's apartment door swung open as the Head of House password was spoken, allowing him to carry her into her rooms without any awkward shifting of her in his arms. A hiss from the corner told him Galileo didn't particularly care for this invasion of her space.

"Listen. This isn't necessarily by my choice. She's hurt and ill and she needs care. There's no reason to get upset with me right now."

The grey cat stared at him for a second, before hopping down from her perch on a shelf to lead him to her mistress' bedroom, her tail whipping behind her.

It was the tail that finally told him the truth.

_Gods, it's not a cat. It's part kneazle. Merlin's ghost, a vampire owning a kneazle for thirteen years, and I never once guessed. Maybe McGonagall's right. I **don't** deserve the Defense position._

Galileo watched him carry Selene down the hallway, pawing open the bedroom door, running into the room, jumping up onto the bed, eyeing him. The entire time, Severus got the impression that he was being weighed and measured by the pet, as if it would have absolutely no problem attacking him if, at any moment, he harmed the woman he carried in any way.

The feeling was, needless to say, unsettling.

He settled her back onto the bed, jerking the blankets from their neat arrangement and covering her, determined to take the chill from her. Her lips were still tinged with a bluish hue, and her skin was like ice. Pulling his wand from his pocket, he aimed it to the fireplace, quickly charming the wood to burn hot and bright, before settling a warming charm on the blankets. All of these actions, apparently, eased the cat's mind. Galileo stopped observing his every motion and turned her attentions to her mistress, nuzzling Selene's cold hand, curling against her, trying to help speed the process of warming her.

Dawn's light was creeping into the room from the windows left open, an owl sailing into the room with a letter, addressed to Selene, in handwriting vaguely familiar to Severus. However, at seeing the stamped seal of the Sinistra wineries, he pushed the thought back into the dark corners of his mind.

_I'm sure I've caught a glimpse of a letter from home at some point or other. Perhaps the night we spent talking in her study…_

The owl absented itself just before he went to the windows, pulling the drapes closed, closing them from the chill of the December air. Galileo, in the meantime, curled close to Selene, her grey fur bristled as her face watched Selene breathe, the shallowness of her doing so causing both human and kneazle immeasurable worry.

_Maybe it wasn't wolfsbane. Maybe it was something else. Something similar. And where in the lowest hell is Pomfrey, anyway?_

As if his thoughts conjured her, the witch arrived, carrying flasks, her nightdress and robe swirling at her ankles. "Good, you've managed to take care of that chill she's always insisted on sleeping with. That's something at least." Poppy Pomfrey shooed him away from Selene's side, checking the lump on the back of her head, the dilation of her eyes, her pulse, all within seconds and with brisk efficiency. "Tell me you've a strong stomach and aren't silly like most men tend to be."

Severus stared at the school nurse, his eyes wide with shock. "What the hell kind of question is that?"

Pomfrey rolled her eyes. "We need to purge the wolfsbane from her blood. And yes, I know it was wolfsbane. I stopped at her observatory first, to see what was in the wine. She's in shock, and will probably slip into a coma, and we have to get it out of her blood before it kills her."

"Kill her?"

"You do know what she is, don't you? You're not that blind?"

" Yes. But…"

"Then, given how you've gone after the Defense position ever since you got here, you'd know that not all Vampires are undead. Now, before we turn her that way, I need to pour this down her throat. Are you going to help me or not?"

Selene's skin was gaining the blue tint her lips already possessed. Without any more hesitation or thought for the maelstrom of confusion his mind swirled within, he nodded.

"Good." Pomfrey directed him with brisk efficiency. "Now, hold her, sitting up. And you might want to gather up her hair and hold it back." As he did exactly that, she pulled the stopper from the bottle, tilting her head back and opening her mouth, pouring the contents down her throat, mumbling an incantation to keep her from choking.

"What happens now?"

Pomfrey reached for a bucket, magically at her feet. "It's a blood purification potion. I'm sure you've made it once or twice."

_Not since NEWT levels, actually…_

His question was answered rather violently. Selene lurched in his arms, hanging down, head hanging perfectly over the bucket, throwing up loudly and painfully.

Severus merely held her hair back and supported her in his arms until she finished.

Pomfrey waited until she was done, then wiped her face with a cold, damp cloth.

Selene's eyes never opened.

"Well, that'll keep her alive for now. We just need to make sure to do that again in four hours. Give her body time to rest. I'd rather she were conscious, but better this than the alternative." Pomfrey helped him lay her back in the bed, her color returning to a safer shade of pale. "Now, keep her warm, and as soon as Dumbledore decides what he plans to do with her…"

"Do with her!" His voice took on an unexpected edge.

Pomfrey's eyes narrowed. "She's a vampire, Severus. Umbridge is looking for every conceivable reason to throw professors out right and left, not to mention discredit the headmaster. If we move her to the hospital wing, she'll wonder why. If we keep her here, she'll wonder why I'm coming and going regularly. Personally, explaining vampiric coma and the differences between various types of vampires is not what I had planned for my Christmas holidays. Especially in front of the Wizengamot."

_She has a point. You thought yourself what Umbridge would do to her if she learned of this…_

He hated his inner voice sometimes.

"What if you weren't the one taking care of her?"

Poppy's eyebrows sailed upward. "Oh, trust me, Severus. I won't be the only one at Selene's bedside. Besides myself and the headmaster, only you know of her condition. So you'll be taking your turns caring for her." She gave him a sly smile, as if almost daring him to try and refuse.

Instead, he nodded. And then began pacing the hallway leading from the living room to the bedroom.

And then, the wait began.

The sun had burned away the early morning fog before Dumbledore knocked on Selene's apartment door. Severus stopped his pacing, much to Pomfrey's silent relief, to answer it, cautiously checking the hallway before opening the door fully.

Dumbledore looked past him, to Pomfrey, as she sat in a chair just within the bedroom threshold. "I assume she's stable for the moment." At the witch's nod, he turned to Severus, speaking in a low tone. "She cannot stay here, nor can she be alone until she recovers."

"And where exactly will she go?"

"For now, take her to your home."

"My what!"

Dumbledore fixed him with a resolute stare. "Take her to your private residence. It's as safe as possible, and safer than anywhere else I could suggest, for now. I dare not owl her family to inform them of her condition and ask their assistance. Her brothers are, shall we say, not my greatest admirers."

The odd look Dumbledore gave him at these words made his mind turn rapidly. _If her condition is as grave as Pomfrey says, why shouldn't her family be informed? Who are her brothers, anyway? Why be so worried about a family of Italian winemakers? Why be so secretive?_

Dumbledore continued. "…and we still do not have any idea how her wine bottle became laced with the wolfsbane, nor who would know the effect it would have on Professor Sinistra. As far as I am aware, the only ones at Hogwarts aware of Professor Sinistra's condition are currently within these walls."

Severus gave him a look of disbelief. "So, you're asking me to sneak an unconscious woman off school ground and into my home, and pray I don't receive company of a rather _sensitive_ crowd while she's recovering from this coma she's in?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"With all due respect, Headmaster, you haven't a clue what you're asking of me."

"You know Professor Sinistra better than anyone else in the castle."

"A half-dozen conversations with the woman hardly…"

"It's a half-dozen more than anyone else has had."

"You can hardly blame her, if she's been hiding being a vampire from everyone."

"She clearly trusted you enough to tell you."

"No, she didn't."

Dumbledore gave him a look that was unreadable. "She never told you?"

Snape shook his head, his jaw clenched tight. "I didn't find out until this morning. I never knew. She never told me."

Dumbledore closed his eyes for a moment, deep in thought. "This changes things."

_Why does the man insist on cryptic commentary like that?_

"She needs to be cared for, Severus. Somewhere away from this castle, lest her secret get out. You are, sadly, the best choice for this situation. You'll be able to concoct the blood purification potion and administer it regularly, and having her under your care will ensure her safety." The look Dumbledore gave his colleague was a mixture of wry humor and annoying empathy. "Besides, you are likely the only person in this castle she'd entrust with her safety."

_Well, when you make an argument like that…_

"I assume entrusting Professor Sinistra to my care also limits the amount of time I'll be able to spend at Grimmauld Place, thus subtly ensuring I cannot find a chance for an altercation with Black?"

"It is an additional bonus to the situation, yes."

Severus paced for a moment, weighing the situation. Taking Selene to his home, to Spinner's End, would violate his personal space. His privacy. Granted, he rarely used his personal residence, but still. It was his hiding place, his escape from the dual roles he played. At the same time, caring for the comatose woman would ensure his accepted absence from the Order for a while, which given last night's attack on Arthur Weasley, would be most welcome. Besides, any excuse to not have to stare at Sirius Black, no matter how inconvenient the excuse, was beneficial to him.

_And do you really want to entrust her safety to those idiots?_

"When should I take her?"

_Of course not. _

Dumbledore looked up at Pomfrey, who rose from the chair and walked over. "She's stable for now. Breathing easier. Her body temperature's finally risen. She could be portkey'd easily enough, but no floo powder, and certainly no side-apparition. Not until she's conscious. I'm not happy about moving her, Albus, but considering the limited options, I'll allow the portkey."

"Excellent." Dumbledore's eyes shone with urgency. "The sooner, the better, obviously. Severus, I assume that, when you return to Hogwarts, you'll share the tale of how you enjoyed the holidays with your bedridden great aunt Medusa, and how you appreciated leaving the school two days early in order to spend more time with her."

Severus nodded. "Of course, Headmaster. And we both appreciate the gesture."

"Very well. Poppy, dear, if you could manage to finish that arthritic balm you promised me you'd concoct for me today, that would be lovely."

At that, Pomfrey nodded, sweeping out the door and away from the tower apartments.

Dumbledore nodded once more, and left after his medi-witch.

Sighing with both exhaustion and resignation, Severus walked back into the witch's bedroom. Under a pair of heavy blankets, Selene's body rose and fell with her slight breathing. The drapes were drawn to block out the bright sunlight, and her face had regained a hint of color.

_Well, no point in waiting any longer…_

One spell turned a simple water glass into a portkey. With a slight feeling of trepidation, he reached for the unconscious woman, gathering her once again in his arms. As he reached for the portkey, her cat leapt up, landing on her chest, being jerked along with the two humans to a dark, dusty, disused house in a dark, musty, cold neighborhood in some forgotten hole-in-the-wall type neighborhood.

One wave of a wand lit the wood in the fireplace. One whispered word lit candles everywhere. One moment's fumbling with balancing a woman and a cat and attempting to open a door exposed a tall, narrow staircase. Galileo, ironically, sprang from Selene's body and raced up the staircase…

…and stopped in his bedroom doorway.

_Bloody hell. I'm not giving up my bed just because some feline-kneazle crossbred housepet says so._

Galileo walked up to the bed, silently jumped up to the pillows, curled herself on one, and stared at him, as if in expectation.

Wordlessly, Severus settled Selene into his bed, pulling the bedding to cover her, lighting yet another fire in the fireplace against the wall, jerking the curtains closed.

Galileo watched her mistress for a while before closing her own eyes.

_Well, hell. Now what do I do?_


	9. Chapter 9

"Dove sono? Perché dolgo?"

The barely whispered words, spoken through parched lips and an aching throat, snapped Severus to attention. "Professor?"

Selene's eyes barely focused around the room. Her head swam with an ache that seemed hell-bent to blind her. All she knew was this wasn't her bed. "Dove sono? Che è successo?"

Severus' mind raced, trying to translate the words. _Bloody hell. You know enough Latin. Break it down. _He left the chair he'd been sitting in for hours, a stack of books on the floor beside him, setting the one he'd been reading on top, and walked over to the bedside. "Professor Sinistra. Selene. You're in my home. You were unconscious. Your wine was poisoned. Damn, can you even hear me?"

Galileo nuzzled her cheek, meowing softly, trying to comfort her.

Voices echoed in Selene's mind, too far away to actually make sense. It was as if she were underwater, drowning. But she felt so dry. So brittle. So far away.

Severus watched her eyes, the haze covering them, the lack of focus. His hand went to her brow, smoothing back her hair, feeling the heat and sweat covering her skin.

_She's caught a fever. Damn it to hell and back._

The fire immediately died in the fireplace, and the heavy blankets that he preferred in winter were jerked off of her. With deft fingers, he pulled her upright, stripping the heavy robes off of her, leaving her in only her simple black dress that she wore beneath.

The whole time, Galileo glared at him.

"Listen, you overprotective furball. I know you understand me perfectly. If I wasn't trustworthy, you'd be clawing the living hell out of me. However, you know I won't hurt her. I'm the one Dumbledore trusted to care for her, and I plan to do that, regardless of how many different scowls you manage to master on your feline face. So, do yourself, myself, and herself a favor, and save your animosity for someone who deserves it. Such as whoever doctored her wine. Alright?"

The grey cat nodded, as if agreeing, and resumed a slightly less standoffish attitude.

"Thank you. Now, before you rethink your opinion of me, I need to get the fever down. That means I have to not only get her to drink a potion for me, but that I need to wet her down with cool cloths. If you can manage to not get overly protective of her, I'll let you know what I'm doing, every step of the way. Agreed?"

Galileo nodded again. He sighed in relief. _The last thing I need right now is a kneazle playing irritated nanny. _

A trip down to his kitchen and linen closet helped him locate clean towels and a fever breaking draught, which he brought up to his room. Lighting candles to see by, he conjured a basin of cool water, soaking the towels one by one, wringing them out and draping them on her forehead, her arms, her chest.

As he pushed back her left sleeve, he saw a pair of tiny puncture wounds, starting to heal.

_It's nothing. Galileo just scratched me earlier when I startled her. It looks worse than it is. Really, I'll be fine._

His thumb caressed them softly. _Damn it, Selene. Why couldn't you just tell me?_

_Would you have told you?_

His conscience was annoying sometimes.

Lifting her up to a slightly sitting position, he poured the potion into her mouth. In her semi-aware state, her body automatically swallowed the draught, although she seemed vacant, not reacting to his touch or proximity. As soon as she finished the potion, he laid her back against the pillows, covering her with a thin sheet, wet towels draped against her skin.

The moment her eyes closed again, her breathing resuming a steady, although still shallow, pattern, he sank into the chair again, one eye on the pages of his book, the other on his patient.

_May the Greek pantheon watch over you, Selene. Because I'm sure doing a lousy job of it._

_

* * *

_

His hand shook as he poured himself another cup of coffee from the carafe, the sandwich fixing itself, slathering mustard on bread before layering meat and cheese. Sleep had been a foregone conclusion for almost three days now. Every time he dozed in the chair beside his bed, he would jerk awake, hearing the bedding rustle as she stirred. The fever had broken after the first night, but she still hadn't woken, instead occasionally murmuring in broken, often incoherent, Italian, as he lifted her enough to give her more of the potion that was purging the wolfsbane from her blood.

Severus had only slipped away for moments at a time. Food, a rare shower. The kneazle sat with her every moment he was gone, awake and watchful, only sleeping or leaving to use the hastily-conjured litterbox when she knew the man was awake and watching over the woman. With no word from Dumbledore, he had no idea how long this arrangement could continue.

The coffee disappeared in only two swallows, and he found himself slightly more alert than he had been moments before. A few bites of the sandwich demolished it – clearly, he'd been hungrier than he cared to admit. Another cup of coffee steadied his nerves a bit more, and he polished off an apple in seconds.

The knock at the door, however, had been the last sound he'd expected to hear.

Cold rain poured from the dismal grey sky, blocking the fact that it was closer to noon than midnight. The gloom that seemed to possess everything prohibited him from recognizing the man who stood on his doorstep.

The recognition didn't improve his humor.

"Lupin."

The werewolf pulled his hood back slightly, shaking water from his cloak. "Severus. Is it alright if I come inside?"

The taller man stood aside just enough to allow Remus to step inside.

Remus sighed. It was, of course, about as much courtesy as he'd expected to receive. "Dumbledore sent me to bring this to you." Reaching into his cloak, he extracted a packet of papers, all tied with string that held on it a slight privacy charm. _Interesting._ "He also thought it prudent for you to send me back with a few bottles of potion, rather than try to come to the Place while you're occupied."

Severus' eyebrow shot at that last word. "Interesting choice of words."

Remus shrugged slightly. "He won't tell anyone what you're busy with, just that you're occupied with a matter of upmost importance. No one really cares, however, considering we're slightly more concerned with more important matters."

"I assume Weasley will live." Severus' voice was a shade above ice as he turned, walking from the small living room and opening a side door, leading to a former pantry that had been converted into a small workroom. Reaching for three empty flasks, he filled them with a steaming potion, corking them and charming them to keep warm.

"Yes. The doctors are still trying to determine the best course of action. They've gone so far as to try Muggle stitching, but nothing's working."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Tell the doctors to try grinding a bezoar and adding it to an infusion of wormwood until it makes a paste."

Remus' eyebrows now went skyward. _Will wonders never cease…_

The bottles filled, Severus closed the workroom door and handed them to the man who dripped water on his floor. "I assume that is everything you require, Lupin."

There wasn't a question to be found in that reply.

Lupin nodded. "I appreciate the generosity, Severus. Thank you."

Snape opened the door leading upstairs. "Well then, good afternoon. I trust you can show yourself out. The locking charms automatically return when the door shuts."

Remus stopped cold, every hair on his neck rising, his body bristling, the sensation of burning in his blood. His eyes were fixed on the staircase, and his breathing sped up, a low growl coming from his throat.

_Bloody hell! How could I forget he's a thrice-bedamned werewolf!_

Remus forced himself into some semblance of self control as Severus slammed the door shut. "Who's the vampire?"

Severus sighed deeply. "Selene Sinistra."

"And what, pray tell, is the good Astronomer doing in your bedroom?"

Black eyes narrowed in clear anger. "Lying comatose as she recovers from being poisoned, if you must have your curiosity sated."

Remus had the good manners to blush and look repentant. "I apologize for the implication."

Severus unclenched the fists he hadn't realized were clenched in the first place. "You can apologize to her when she's conscious again."

"Why is she even here in the first place?" Lupin's curiosity took hold as he continued to regain his composure. He hated this part of himself – the animal side that took control of his mind when he least expected it. Memories of the same pins-and-needles reaction came back to him, all endured during the one year he taught at Hogwarts, on those rare moments when their paths would cross. Dumbledore had, wisely, sworn them both to secrecy about the other, a sad necessity to ensure their mutual survival. "And how was she poisoned? That doesn't make sense."

Severus glared, wondering how much longer he would have to entertain the man's questions. "She's here on Dumbledore's orders," he growled through clenched teeth. "Because she can't stay at the school, obviously, and he couldn't very well take her to stay in London, with you having quite cozy accommodations there yourself, could he? And as for the poison," he paused, debating how much to tell the werewolf, before deciding it likely wouldn't matter, "her wine was laced with wolfsbane."

Lupin's eyes went wide. "Wolfsbane? In a vampire? Oh Merlin, it's coagulating her blood…"

Snape's jaw hung wide open. "How in hell did YOU know that!"

Remus shot him a look of annoyance. "Not in werewolf summer camp, I promise you, Severus." He found himself perversely amused at the look of shock warring with surprised respect in the other man's eyes. "I've done a decent amount on both her kind and mine. You know, for all the base differences between lycanthropy and vampiricism, there's a world of similarities…"

Snape rolled his eyes. "Nice to know."

"I assume you're giving her a blood purification potion."

"Regularly."

Lupin nodded. "Good. She should recover soon, then." His eyes then grew querulous, searching the Potion Master's own black ones intently. "However, if I were you, I'd be careful when she finally awakens."

"Careful?"

"She'll need to feed when she finally revives from the coma."

Severus paled slightly, swallowing hard. "You don't mean food, do you?"

Lupin shook his head.

"Well, she's never fed off the students in all her years at Hogwarts, otherwise we'd have known before now that she was a vampire."

Lupin shrugged. "She's probably a self-feeder then. Most of the time, if not exclusively. There are some sects that do that, such as the _sanguinistri strigoii_, that only feed on their own blood because they hate admitting…"

Twin marks on her wrist and a flippant comment from Pomfrey filled his mind. "She's not a _strigoii_."

Silence filled the room, finally broken by Lupin's quick intake of breath. "She's a _moroii_?"

Severus nodded. "That's what Pomfrey implied, at least. She made it clear to me that she's not undead, which would mean she was living, which would make her a _moroii_."

"Well, that would explain Dumbledore's trust in her, especially after most of the vampires sided with you-know-who in the last war. _Moroii_ are rare as it is, but they also tend to be the least passionate and more ethical members of the vampiric circle."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Thank you for the impromptu lecture, Professor Lupin."

Remus glared. "Pardon me. Do you know how few people actually know the difference between the two anymore? Let alone care? To them, a vampire is a vampire, no matter what kinds of morals or ethics she may hold."

The fervor in his voice and the darkness in his eyes stopped Severus from any more frustrated rage. Instead of counting the seconds before throwing the man out, he sank onto his couch. "Sounds as if you and her have much in common. Despite the animosity, of course."

Lupin's eyebrow shot upward at the lessening of the edge in the other man's voice. "I don't enjoy what I am, Severus. And I sure as hell don't enjoy what it makes me in the eyes of other people. But other people care, and it's the same for her as it is for me. Why else would she feel the need to hide who she is for this long?"

_Everyone has a past, Severus._

"I don't know, Lupin. Nor do I presume to know."

"A wise answer." Remus gathered up his bottles of wolfsbane potion and pulled the cloak back over his eyes. As he finished, he turned one last time to the man he'd came to visit. "However, unless I've misjudged you, you're one of the few humans who could come to understand it."

Severus spent almost an hour on the couch, alone, contemplating that last statement.


	10. Chapter 10

The sensation of warm fur and the light sound of pages of a book being turned were the first things Selene could hold onto consciously. One eye slightly opening, closing quick from the pain, gave her the image of a small room, darkened curtains, and a figure in black sitting at her bedside, reading. Despite the aching in her head, she smiled softly. "Good book?"

The dry, croaked words made Severus jump. "How long have you been awake?"

"Just now." Selene tried pushing herself up on the bedding, but her arms wouldn't allow it, collapsing beside her, and Galileo jumped onto her chest, keeping her down. Opening her eyes again, cringing at the daylight peeking through the edges of curtains, she gave up struggling. "Where in Hades' underworld am I, anyway?"

He slipped a bookmark in place. "My home."

"No, I'm not."

Severus shut the book and stared at her. "I think I'd know my own residence."

"Dungeons don't have windows."

"I said my home, not my apartments."

The deep brown eyes flew open, pain and ache forgotten. "I'm not at the school?" Panic rang through her, and she began pushing herself up again.

Severus' hand shot out, stopping her from reaching her goal. "Don't. You've been unconscious for four days, and you haven't had a chance to replenish your blood." He turned and reached for a cup on the bedside table, left sitting for her to wake up. "Drink this down. You need it."

Selene gulped down the familiar potion, barely tasting it, before giving him a look, wary and cautious, her body tense, waiting for the looks of loathing and the painful outcasting that would inevitably come. "How did you know I needed this?"

_Dumb question, Selene. You know he knows… he has to know. He's not stupid. You've spent enough time in his company to know that. Let him tell you he knows so he can fulfill whatever chivalric duty he has left, and you can politely excuse yourself from his care and go back to hiding from the world. Again. The way you always do when you let anyone within a furlong of you. Stupid girl._

Severus sighed in both exhaustion and exasperation, catching the accusation in her still-scratchy voice. "Because I've been taking care of you for those four days, pouring blood purification potions down your throat and holding you while you purged the poison from your blood."

Her head spun with his words. "Potions? Four days? Poison?"

He nodded, reaching for a cool cloth, settling it on her forehead for her, and giving her a small vial of liquid. "Swallow that. It'll help with the pain." As soon as she had, he sat down again, groaning deeply, rubbing his eyes before starting. "What do you remember?"

_Morgan's lake, he looks exhausted. It's like he hasn't slept in days. _Galileo's purring and both potions helped her regain a sense of stability, mentally at least. "I was out on the tower. It was close to sunrise. I drank some wine, I couldn't breathe, and the next thing I remember I was here."

"Your wine was laced with wolfsbane."

"That's impossible."

"I'm not lying to you, Selene."

"I know you're not. I believe you. It just doesn't make sense."

His jaw dropped. The quickness and the calm vehemence of those words from her…

_She's just been poisoned and snuck out of her tower into some stranger's bed, in some house she's never laid eyes on before, and she says she believes me? I don't know if I would believe me after all that. _

His hands rubbed his face again, serving as a distraction to allow him time to regain composure. "Anyway, you were poisoned, and since we had very little time to act and no idea who had poisoned your wine, Dumbledore thought it safer to get you away from the school. And Umbridge," he added as an afterthought.

At the sound of that heretic's name, Selene went cold. "He told you then, didn't he? About me. What I am."

He watched her face lose the color it had regained. _Oh gods, she's worried I'm going to react badly to this. Circe's song, what do I tell her? 'Not a problem, I don't care you're a vampire, because it's no worse than the things I've done in my own life'? Gods above and below, first a lecture from a werewolf and now walking on eggshells around a moroii. What's next? Will the damn kneazle throw in her two knuts too?_

Galileo raised her head and glared at the man from her spot, curled on her mistress, the look in her narrowed yellow eyes reminding him that her claws were retractable, thank you very much.

_Some days, I wonder why I left the Death Eaters…_

"No, he didn't." It was his turn to look away. "I noticed for myself, when I carried you off the tower."

_When he…_ "You did what?"

"You collapsed on the tower. Dumbledore had me carry you off, to get you inside before dawn." Severus got up from the chair, suddenly feeling as if he was about to be interrogated, or cornered, or something horrific that only women seemed capable of accomplishing. _Hence Bellatrix's success in Voldemort's inner circle._ "Are you hungry? I can go make you something…"

_Hungry? He tells me he carried me off my tower like I was some damsel in distress, not finishing the story of how the hell I got poisoned or what I've gone through this whole time, and offers me food! MEN! _"I'm not hungry, Severus Snape. I'm trying to figure out this puzzle you're feeding me, and my head's hurting again." She almost smirked when he stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face her, leaning back against the wall. _If you're going to play knight in shining armor, Professor, I'll play damsel to get what I want. And I want very much to know why I'm lying here like a day-old kitten, aching like I was thrown from my tower, and I want to know now._

"I wish I could help you with that puzzle. But Dumbledore has no idea how wolfsbane got into your wine, and since the wine normally would have distilled it so that it wouldn't be fatal to humans, that means someone who knew you were a vampire added it to your wine. Someone who knew that wolfsbane is a toxin to vampiric blood in the first place, since that side effect isn't terribly well-known. And someone who knew you personally, since he was sure that almost no one at the school knew you were a vampire." Severus paused, looking away from her. "You kept your secret well."

Guilt hit Selene hard at his words.

Silence hung heavy between them for a few long moments, until he broke it. "I need to go brew some more of the replenishment potion. If you need me, send Galileo. She'll come find me. Try to get some rest."

To her relief, Selene managed to hold back her tears of confused frustration until the door clicked shut behind him.

Severus tossed and turned on the guest bed, the mattress harder than his own, the pillows flatter than his own, the blankets nowhere as heavy. The doors between his room and this one had been kept open until this moment, to allow him to hear her every toss and turn, to allow Galileo free rein, and to ensure him that she still breathed.

_It's not as if an assassin would be able to slip in and attack her a second time, with the number of charms and wards I've managed to install in fourteen years' time._

The silence in the small house was deafening.

* * *

_: Pain. Fear. Darkness. Fear. Fear. Darkness. Pain. Ache. Sorrow. Fear. :_

His eyes jerked open at the sudden rush of emotions flooding his mind, his body shaking, sweat covering his brow. It took a moment for him to realize the feelings weren't his own.

Selene tossed and turned across the hall, growing more and more restless, a soft whimper coming from her room.

_: Fear. Dark. Let me out:_

The emotions grew sharper, clearer, with images coming to his mind. A dark room. Coldness. Confusion. Men in dark robes.. Bright lights.

_Gods-be-damned vampiric empathy. What the hell is going on in her head?_

The tossing and turning grew worse, Selene's movements making the bed creak, her whimpers growing louder, more pained, more insistent.

A loud meow came from the foot of his bed, and a soft thump at his knee told him the kneazle had come to him. Her eyes glowed in the light of the one lit candle, and she gave him a look that plainly said 'fix this now'. _Damn it. She's having a bloody nightmare and the cat decides to make me play nanny._

With a moan, he shoved his blankets aside, the chill of the air hitting him as he walked out of the small guest room and into the doorway of his own bedroom.

Selene tossed harder in the bed, her whimpers growing coherent. "No…let me out…I didn't know… it wasn't me….stop!"

A thought and a gesture lit candles in sconces as he went to shake her. "Selene. Wake up. It's a nightmare."

His touch managed to break through her thoughts, and she shot up like a bolt, eyes wide open but unseeing, her mouth wide open. "Don't!"

"Selene!" Her screams didn't stop, her eyes didn't focus on anything, as he shook her shoulders, kneeling on the mattress in front of her. "Selene, it's a nightmare. Wake up."

_: No! Cold! Pain! Fear! Letmeout! Don't! STOP:_

Images of a tiny room, a cold floor, strange men, and an infinite darkness slammed against him, as Selene thrashed in his arms. Her nightmare had control of her, wasn't letting go of her mind, and he couldn't think of anything to do to break its hold on her.

Save one.

_Forgive me, Selene._

He slapped her. Hard.

Immediately, Selene's eyes focused, and the shaking stopped. Tears poured down her cheeks, and her breathing was hitched. The images and frantic collage of emotions stopped. For a moment, she sat there, before she suddenly launched herself into his arms, crying and shaking into his shoulder, clutching him as if he would protect her, shield her from the barrage of pain and misery that had consumed her in her sleep.

Instinctively, his arms went up around her shoulders, cradling her, letting her calm herself down.

It took a moment for Selene to realize where she was, who she was clinging to, and how it probably all looked to him. As if burned, she let go of him, pushing away quickly. "Sorry…so sorry…" Her apologies were as chaotic as her thoughts clearly had been. "I woke you…silly nightmare…"

He shook his head, trying to reassure her, not wanting to upset her more than necessary. "I couldn't sleep anyway." The lie came easily to him, and his hand reached for her cheek, wiping away a tear. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Selene shook her head forcefully, her hair flying.

Severus nodded, once. _It's her nightmare, not yours. Her choice. _"I'll be across the hall if you need anything." He rose, giving her the personal space she clearly wanted.

Her voice was barely audible, even in the complete noiselessness of the room. "It's not a nightmare. It's a memory."

His feet stopped, his body turning to look at her, curled up into herself, looking small and lost and frightened in the large bed, the paleness of her skin increased by her black hair and dress. "Clearly, not a pleasant one."

Selene shook her head, snatching a pillow to hug to her chest. "It's not."

Severus hesitated a moment longer. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

Her eyes looked up, meeting his, unshed tears swimming in darkness. "How do I know I can trust you with the truth?"

His blood ran cold.

"I don't know. There are days I wouldn't trust me with anything."

Selene chewed on her lip, contemplating, weighing thoughts in her mind.

_Do I let him in? _

_Will it hurt if I do?_

_Will it hurt more if I don't?_

_How can I trust anyone?_

_He's not just anyone._

_If Claudius knew…_

_Claudius can bloody well bugger off!_

"I was twenty-one." Selene's voice shook with those words, eyes closed, still clinging to the pillow as if it were a lifesaver and she were adrift at sea. "At university. The war had just ended."

Severus stepped back into the room, torn between standing and sitting.

He opted for the floor.

The words fell from Selene's lips, slowly at first, eventually coming of their own accord, as if pushing, fighting to come from her, as if her mind had made the decision to tell the tale without consulting her. "I was attending a Muggle university. Because I wanted to study Astronomy more. And I tried to avoid the war, to run from it. I came back to my dormitory one evening, and these men were there. They took me…" her voice choked for a moment, but she took a deep breath, resolving to continue, "…they grabbed me and apparated with me. No reason, no warning. And they left me in this cold room. No bed, no chair. And these other men came, and the only light was from their wands, and they took turns interrogating me. Asking me about my loyalties. My actions. My reasons for being in university. Why England and not Italy. They came and went. And when they left me, they left Dementors to guard me."

The images that had seemed so confusing to him earlier made eerie sense. _The witchhunts that went on after the war… after Potter… Merlin, no wonder she's hidden all these years in Hogwarts…_

Selene began to shake again, her hands tremulous, but her voice continued in the darkness. "Three days. They kept me for three days. Had a witch come to inspect me for the Dark Mark. Brought a legilimens to go through my mind. Kept asking me those questions, kept leaving me with the Dementors. Told me I'd been turned in, suspected of working for Voldemort. That someone told them I was a vampire. That they knew vampires were allied with him. That clearly, I must be too. They refused to believe me, to listen to me. All I wanted was to finish my studies…"

Her nerves finally snapped, and a fresh wave of tears came.

This time he didn't hesitate, but rather pulled her into his arms, letting her tremble against him, silently sobbing.

_As if I didn't already have enough reasons in the world to hate myself…_

He stayed with her until she cried herself into exhaustion, then laid her back into the bed, curling back into the chair beside her bed to keep watch over her.

When she finally fell back asleep, he still sat there, guilt feeding his conscience.


	11. Chapter 11

Galileo jumped off the bed, the sudden movement waking her from her blissfully dreamless sleep. Judging from the faint light and the instinctive pull in her blood, it was close to sunset.

She'd slept for roughly eighteen hours.

Stretching, Selene noticed the cup left out. Another dose of the replenishment potion lay out for her to consume. Soon, she'd need to feed. She could feel the hunger growing in her belly. The thirst for a sweet tang and a warm trickle of blood sliding into her mouth, along her tongue, down her throat.

She loathed this side of her. This whole uncontrollable urge to sink her teeth into flesh, to drink the blood, to sate this craving that came to her every few weeks.

_What I wouldn't give for any other life…_

Selene quaffed the drink in seconds, setting the cup back down on the table before pushing the heavy blankets off of her. The chill in the air finally touched her, and Selene realized the blankets had been charmed to keep the December cold from slipping through the walls and touching her.

It was yet another small kindness he'd done for her, silently, without her knowledge.

Somehow, she was getting the impression the man rarely ever did anything overtly.

The black dress clung to her, and she stared into a small, cracked mirror above a dresser. Her hair hung limp around her face, shrouding her, casting shadows on the roman nose and cheekbones on her face. Her hands slid down, smoothing her clothing, realizing with a grimace that she'd lost weight in those four days. Her face was even paler than usual, and her eyes darker, crossing over into black.

_Well, the twins would never confuse you and Mama now. You were already too thin as it was…_

Her eyes were still swollen, her cheeks tight from the tears from the night before. The memory came back, images of Dementors and interrogations and cold darkness. The warm shoulder she cried into as she tried to let go of the memory.

_That was brilliant, Selene. Because, of course, the Slytherin Head of House has women bawling their eyes out in his arms on a regular basis. Gods above and below, why couldn't you just keep it in until he left? Haven't you made enough of a fool of yourself in front of him the last few days? No, you just had to act hysterically, guilt him into taking care of you, asking if you were alright. _

Her eyes fell on her hairbrush, left on the dresser top, along with some of her toiletries. Her perfume, scented with a rare evening jasmine, sat in its blue crystal bottle, along with her lotion, and the dragonfly clip she used sometimes in her hair. Either someone had brought them for her, or…

…her cheeks took on a slight tint of color as the thought went through her mind.

_Don't get excited. Pomfrey could just as easily packed a bag on his request. Besides, you're assuming that his attentions are potentially more than just that necessary to ensure you survive. Remember, Dumbledore told him to bring you here. That doesn't necessarily mean he's caring for you for any reason beyond decent humanity. _

The hunger grew in her stomach, her body craving, reaching inside her for what she needed to quench the burn. Staring back into the dusty mirror, she flicked her tongue over her teeth, catching the fangs, hanging slightly lower than the rest of her teeth, feeling the sharpness of their edge.

The fangs represented everything about herself that she resented.

Her hand almost shook as she pushed up the sleeve on her left arm, the black cloth covering the usual mark. She'd learned at Durmstrang that one set of puncture wounds were easier to hide and explain away than several, and since then, she'd kept her feeding consistent. The marks were healed over, more than usual, and a lurch in her body reminded her yet again that it'd been far too long since she'd fed.

He'd seen the marks. He knew what she was.

_And yet, he still held you while you cried…_

_Did I give him much of a choice? Not if I remember it correctly. _

_You're a moroii, Selene. It's not a sin to live. Your mother would kill for the chance you seem determined to throw away._

_What life? I have to hide in a tower to stay safe, in a world that persecutes my kind and assumes the worst of them. It's a lovely, comfortable prison, but it's a prison, nonetheless._

_It doesn't have to be._

The tears threatened to come again, and her legs began to shake, so Selene made her way slowly to the bed again, sinking down onto the comfortable mattress, feeling the warmth of the blankets bunched beside her. Her fingers traced the puncture wounds a few more times, blinking as a drop splashed beside them.

A second quickly followed.

Tears and hunger fought for control as she raised her forearm to her mouth, settling her mouth perfectly over the marks, a movement as casual as any instinctive motion. Flesh parted and tore beneath the fangs, and warm blood splashed up into her mouth, coating her lips as she began to drink from her own body.

_How can I live, when it means living like this?_

_How do I manage to live like this?_

_

* * *

_

Severus added another ingredient to the brew in the cauldron, lowered the flame beneath it, and let it sit. He'd left a dose of the blood replenishment potion upstairs with Selene, who was still sleeping. _Thank the gods. I don't think I could handle another emotional surge like that any time soon._

If he thought about it objectively and logically, the empathic storm that she projected made sense. Vampiric empathy wasn't common, but it wasn't unheard of either, and in times of stress or heightened emotional situations, those who possessed it were known to lose control over it. It could easily have influenced his actions in that moment. And learning that she had been interrogated by Ministry officials and guarded by Dementors…

_Hell, I went through it. And I'd gladly trade that experience for any physical torture devised by Man. And that was only a day before Dumbledore got them to release me. She had three. And if it hadn't been for what we'd done…she didn't deserve that memory._

His guilt still ate at him for those years of stupidity and regret. The mistakes of youth.

He wiped his forehead with his sleeve, sweat from the fire and the boiling potion filling the small workroom. The tiny ventilation window didn't offer enough cold air to counter the heat, and as usual, he had insisted on dressing in both shirt and coat. The chance of him actually not retaining his formal appearance, even if there wasn't someone asleep upstairs, was nil.

Some habits would likely never be broken.

After he'd finally woken, his neck cramped from falling asleep in the bedside chair, Severus had crept out of the room, sneaking upstairs to leave the necessary potion, and retreated back downstairs. The awkwardness of the moment when she finally faced him again was one he wanted to avoid as long as theoretically possible. Just because he could rationalize her sudden breakdown didn't mean he could as easily explain his reaction to it.

_Why in hell DID I ask her if she wanted to talk, anyway?_

The simple explanation didn't do the moment justice. He simply wanted to know what had caused the panic attack she'd gone through. It made sense. He'd always been a logical, inquisitive person. He wanted to know the 'why' behind things, behind people and their motives. If something took place that didn't make sense, he wanted to get inside it, understand it, learn about it. It had been his talent and his curse ever since he could remember.

His mother's books that he'd found when he was a child was a prime example of that.

The potion turned a satisfying shade of red, and Severus stirred it precisely, adding one last ingredient and setting it to simmer for an hour. It wasn't necessary for him to work on this potion now; in fact, it could have waited, since he'd already brewed enough to last three days. However, potionswork had always served as a means of letting his mind wrap around complicated thoughts and puzzles. Somehow, the combination of his hands working so intently relaxed him to the point where he was free to work through the tangled web of ideas, questions, and concerns, and come to the conclusions he so desperately sought. It had been that way since his first year at Hogwarts, and had led to his success in the field.

But today, it wasn't working.

Throwing the door open, Severus stepped into his small living room, swallowing breaths of colder air as the sweat on his brow chilled. Sinking onto his couch, stretching in a rather undignified posture, he groaned, rubbing his temples. Selene Sinistra was getting under his skin in a way that he couldn't explain, and didn't like one damned bit. Sure, he could rationalize his interest in her nightmare last night as wanting a logical reason for an adult, controlled, intelligent woman falling apart like that, but that explanation sounded weak even to him.

Weak or not, it was partly the truth.

The other part unnerved him.

He wanted to end the nightmare for her.

That explanation chilled him far more than the cold winter air that slipped through cracks and drafts into his home.

_Think, man. You're intelligent. Put things together logically. She's attractive, she's in need, and she's under your care for a few days. That alone would probably account for your irrationality where she's concerned. Add that to those moments you both have been sharing all term, and it makes even more sense. Dinner, coffee, a dance in front of the whole bloody school, a bottle of wine. Face it, Severus. She's intelligent, she's insightful, she's intriguing, and she doesn't treat you as either an inferior or something to be disdained. For those reasons by themselves, you'd probably consider letting your guard down. Add all of this together… it makes sense for you to have reacted like that._

It wasn't the answer he wanted.

_Bollocks. How do I handle this?_

That question wasn't about to be resolved as quickly.

* * *

The sound of glass breaking above his head got his attention.

Swearing under his breath, Severus ripped open the hidden upstairs door, taking the steps two at a time.

"Selene!"

He found her in the hallway, half in, half out, of the bathroom, a glass jar broken beside her, pushing herself up by her palms to a sitting position. Blood pooled down her left arm, resting at the heel of her hand. A roll of gauze was gripped in her right hand. She was glaring through a curtain of tangled black hair.

"Damn dizzy spell…"

A flick of his wand cleaned up the shattered glass. "I warned you they'd come and go for the next couple of days. Come on, up you go." He reached his hand out to hers.

Her eyes widened, shrinking away rather than reaching back.

"You can't stay on the floor."

"I'll get up on my own."

"Let me help you."

"No!" Her voice was adamant, and her eyes full of pain and shame. As the sound hit her ears, she dropped her voice, the words shaky. "Please. I'll be fine. Give me just a second or two…"

_Damn prideful stubborn arrogant witch!_

He turned on his heel, planning to give her the space she so clearly desired. Except he couldn't step away. An angry kneazle blocked his path. Claws extended, it bared its fangs at him, making her intent known.

_Bloody annoying nursemaid feline._

Severus turned back, looking at the woman on the floor, seeing the crimson dying her arm, two tiny trails snaking down the skin. Her body shook with exertion as she tried to push herself upright again. "Oh, to hell with this." Without warning, he took her right hand and left elbow, pulling her to her feet in one smooth motion, supporting her as she swayed from the head rush caused by the sudden movement. "There. Now that you're on your feet, let's get you back to your bed."

"Yours, you mean." Dry sarcasm coated her words.

"Semantics, Professor."

"Reality, Professor."

He steered her back into his bedroom, helping her to the bed. "As much as I usually enjoy them, I'm not getting into a duel of sarcasm with you right now. You're still sick. You need sleep, you need your potions, and you need more sleep. In that order."

Selene glared. "It wasn't as if I was trying out to play keeper for the Siena Sgarristas. I just needed a bandage..."

Severus jerked the gauze from her hands, storming out of the room for a moment, returning with a warm wet cloth, taking her arm and gently cleaning the blood that had dried to her skin. With clinical patience and exact motions, he wrapped the puncture wounds in the gauze, settling a minor healing charm over it as he finished, never once flinching or paling as he cared for the self-inflicted injury. "You could have just asked for one."

Selene swallowed. Hard. "I…I'm not used to having anyone to ask."

He kept his eyes down, not meeting hers. "My apologies. I'm not being very sympathetic."

The tiniest hint of a smile twisted the corners of her mouth. "It's alright. You've done so much for me already. You've more than earned the right to call me on the carpet."

"For your stubbornness?"

"I was going to choose 'independent free-spiritness', myself."

He arched an eyebrow. "Stubborn suits you better." Rising to his feet, he finally looked at her. "I'll be back with more of the blood replenishment potion for you in a minute. Can you manage to stay in one place and not try to kill yourself until I return?"

She shot him a look, the humor softening the annoyance. "Yes, Professor."

When he returned moments later, Galileo had curled at her feet and she'd pulled the covers back over herself, settling into the bedding. Selene took the cup appreciatively, feeling slightly light-headed at the loss of even that little blood, the hunger that had caused the blood loss sated for now. "I'm the one who should apologize. I haven't exactly been appreciative of everything you've done."

Severus was taken aback by the expressed gratitude. "It's not necessary. You were ill. I couldn't, in good conscience, leave you to someone else's inferior care."

"Well, it is necessary. I can't think of anyone outside my family who would have done as much for me as you have." Selene grew shy, quiet, drawing in on herself again. "It means a great deal to me. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He took the empty cup from her, his knuckles grazing the gauze on her left wrist accidentally. "Sorry."

She jerked her arm back, cradling it, shielding it from his view, as if keeping him from seeing it would somehow make him forget what he saw. What he'd touched. "It's alright."

"Does it hurt?"

Her eyes mysteriously welled with tears. "Not often. Not anymore, at least."

Severus caught the pain in her voice. "I'll leave you to your rest."

Her hand shot out to stop him, of its own volition, judging from the look of shock on her face as her fingers brushed his wrist. They stared at each other, neither doing much of anything.

Memories of darkness, pain, isolation, all came back to his mind.

Memories that weren't his.

_What is it McGonagall's always telling you? 'It won't kill you to show a slight bit of decency and compassion now and then. Even if you have to fake it.'_

_She's usually saying that after I've docked some Gryffindor 20 points or more._

_But still… it applies here._

_I can't believe I'm actually doing this…_

"Um… maybe after your nightmare last night… you'd rather not be alone."

_I'm tired of being alone, to be perfectly honest…_

Some things, Selene knew she'd never be able to say aloud.

Instead, she weakly smiled, trying to turn it into a joke. "Do you mind? Just until I fall asleep? I know it's silly…"

Severus silenced her with a shake of his head, before picking up the book he had left there from the last time he sat vigil and finding his seat in the familiar chair at her bedside. "Close your eyes and sleep. I'm not tired yet anyway."

She watched the book open, chuckling lightly. "Do I get a bedtime story too?"

Instead, she got a dark glare.

The potion was making her drowsy, and Selene closed her eyes, trying to shut her mind off from the cycle of thoughts and fears that seemed to consume her.

After an awkward minute, Severus cleared his throat. "'During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens, I had been passing alone, on horseback…'"

As his voice recited Poe's words, telling a tale she had read a dozen times with her own eyes, Selene drifted to sleep.

Severus kept reading the tale until the last line was spoken, then quietly left the room, leaving a pair of candles burning, crawling into the uncomfortable guest bed he loathed, not even taking the time to kick off his shoes before falling into a deep sleep of his own.


	12. Chapter 12

"Bloody hell, I'm not a child! I'm in my thirties, thank you very much."

"I'm well aware of that fact. However, I don't think it's wise."

"Wise? Damn it, Severus, I just want a thrice-bedamned shower!"

He crossed his arms and stared at the woman, who glared vehemently back at him, her fists clenching the bedsheets under her. Beside her, Galileo's fur bristled, and her customary low growl made itself known.

_I'll be damned if I let her cat and her stubborn pride win…_

"And how many dizzy spells have you had in the last twenty-four hours?"

"I just want five minutes under hot water."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Preferably with soap."

"How many times, Selene?"

" Five minutes!"

"How many?"

Selene's growl matched her pet's. "Six. Maybe seven. I don't know. Does that one count?"

He shot her a look of pure exasperation. "Oh, you mean the one where you decided to sneak downstairs and stepped on Galileo's tail when you were trying to regain your footing rather than fall down the staircase? Yes, that counts."

"Damn."

Severus groaned, mostly in frustration, slightly in genuine annoyance. Hera's temper, that woman would try the patience of anyone. Stubborn was too mild a word to use. Independent barely began to describe her.

_Sounds familiar, doesn't it?_

_Bugger off, bloody conscience._

In all honesty, she needed a shower. After all, cleaning charms weren't meant to be used for prolonged periods of time on people. It might even do her some good. But he didn't want to risk her collapsing in the bathroom.

That would open a whole world of liability that he wasn't remotely ready to cope with just yet.

"Fine."

Selene rolled her eyes at the man. "Thank you, oh kind and generous prison warden."

His eyes shone with black fire as he glared at her, before silently storming from his bedroom to the guest room across the hall, slamming the door behind him.

Galileo looked up at her mistress with a look of feline amusement.

"Well, I'm glad someone is enjoying this."

Pushing herself up off the bed, Selene walked, slowly, to the bathroom, closing the door behind her, locking it, a smirk on her face at that slight rebellious act. The candlelight flickered, and her reflection in the mirror shocked her again. Her fingers worked quickly to let her hair down from its braid, which at least lessened the overall sickly appearance. The braid had left her hair in waves, which gave it a slight bit of body.

_Which is more than I can say for the rest of me. _

She drew back the shower curtain to turn the water on and stopped. Lined on a built-in shelf were her toiletries. Shampoo, conditioner, soap. Not his. Hers. She turned to go ask him about it, when she noticed her bathrobe hanging from the hook on the door.

_Why am I so surprised? He brought my hairbrush and perfume._

_Probably because you're not used to others' thoughtfulness._

She hated the voice in her head. It was almost always right.

The hot water felt amazing to her. Soap and water carried away what she imagined to be days' worth of sweat, tears, and the overall feeling of lethargy that she'd been feeling since she woke up. She hated it. Hated the feeling of uselessness, of dependency. She hadn't been this sick since she was at Durmstrang, when a bottle of hellebore had been deliberately mislabeled in potions.

She'd spent a month in the hospital wing thanks to that bit of poisoning. Igor Karkaroff had spent a month in detention.

He'd called it his 'little test'.

Selene closed her eyes, letting the hot water sluice through her hair, pushing the memory back into the very corners of her mind. She hated that memory, more for the lingering aftereffects than anything else.

_Half a lifetime ago, and that man still manages to convince you not to trust._

If she was going to be fair to her memories, she had to admit that it wasn't only him. The few times she let her guard down to trust anyone had ended in disaster. Igor had only been the first.

She'd sworn Anatoli would be the last.

That man was the reason she'd been interrogated in Azkaban.

_He's cared for you, Selene. Fed you, held you while you cried. Read you a story because you were afraid to be alone. He brought you here to keep you safe. What has he done to earn your distrust?_

The answer was simple. Nothing. Yet.

_He's not Igor. He's not Anatoli. He's not Claudius. He's a different person. Treat him differently._

_I can't._

_Then why are you even considering it?_

That answer was even more simple.

_I'm tired of not trusting._

He paced in the spare room, which was frustrating, considering he had to turn around after only two steps. His ears strained for the faintest sound of her falling, stumbling, anything. He'd tried to warn her about the dizzy spells that Pomfrey had told him to expect.

She hadn't cared.

Somehow, he hadn't been surprised.

Severus rubbed his face, still tired from the lack of considerable sleep the last several days, grimacing as his hands felt the scratch of his beard. He hadn't even found time to shave, let alone sleep. Naps here and there weren't enough anymore, but he'd been too afraid to sleep deeper than that, for fear of not hearing Selene if she needed him.

_And why you can't admit your concern runs deeper than that of a colleague or friend, I'll never know._

_Because admitting to something I'll never be able to act upon is futile._

_How are you so sure you'll never be able to act?_

_Should I list the reasons alphabetically or chronologically?_

_Shouldn't it be her choice too?_

Damn conscience.

The water stopped running in the bathroom, and his ears perked up, his pacing ceasing, waiting for her to get out so she could get back to bed and he could stop panicking about finding her sprawled out on the floor somewhere, with a twisted ankle or broken wrist or Merlin knows what else she could manage to do to herself.

Long minutes passed. Far more than the five she'd promised. He started to grow worried. What if she'd quietly passed out after getting out of the shower? What if…

His hand was on the doorknob as she pulled it open.

"Oh. Sorry. I just…"

Selene gave him a look, her hair damp and hanging in waves around her face, her dark blue bathrobe overwhelming her, by far too large for her slender frame. "You thought I died or something, didn't you?"

He didn't need to reply. His guilty expression was proof enough.

"I'm fine, Severus. See? Big witch. I managed to shower and dry my hair and brush my teeth, all without one single dizzy…"

Selene lost her footing as the hallway began spinning around her.

Severus barely caught her before she fell backward. Arms braced in his hands, he pulled her to her feet, her head leaning on his shoulder for support, her body limp against his. "You were saying?"

"Shut up and tell me when the room stops moving."

Her eyes were closed, keeping the swimming vertigo to a minimum, and she allowed him to hold her in place. The scent of cloves invaded her senses, carried on the frock coat he always wore, her mind beginning to wander, images slipping across her subconscious that were far from sane.

_Stop it! Bloody hell, Selene, don't lose it now!_

His arms supported her as she slowly regained her own footing, her damp hair clinging to his cheek. The scent of jasmine wafted towards his nose, and the slight shiver that ran through her reminded him how vulnerable she was right at this moment.

_Don't even consider it…_

"Come on. Back to bed for you."

"No."

"Don't be stubborn, Selene."

"Then stop being so controlling, Severus."

"Damn it, I'm only controlling because you're too stubborn to know what's best for you!"

His angry roar shocked Selene, and she staggered back a step, staring hard at him. The unkemptness of his appearance, the shadow of an unshaven beard on his face, his eyes heavy, circles underneath them…

_Gods above and below, I've been a selfish brat, haven't I?_

_About bloody time you realize that._

Her silence gave him a chance to calm down.

_No point losing your temper. Besides, if it were you in her stead, would you condone such coddling? _

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

_Point taken._

Selene watched his eyes. His face never changed from the hard, set lines that had grown so familiar, both over the last months and last days. Somehow, she wondered if he had lost the ability to drop the harshness etched around the high cheekbones and sharp nose. But his eyes…

If you knew what to look for, his eyes told a variety of tales. For a second, a flash of pain crossed the ebony depths.

It cut Selene deeply.

"It's alright. I would have yelled too." Her voice shook slightly, her pulse quickening of its own accord.

They stood there, eyes locked on the other's for what felt like hours.

_Do yourself a favor, girl. For once, don't question yourself. Don't second-guess. Just act._

Her hand lifted, taking a lifetime to reach his cheek, feeling the warmth of his flesh, the sharp prick of his beard, the pulse that beat through his neck. With a deliberate, smooth motion, she closed the distance between them, rising on tiptoe, reaching, her lips brushing his like a whisper.

Guided by instinct rather than conscious thought, his hand crept around her waist to the small of her back, pulling her closer still, the rough feel of the cotton contrasting with the soft glide of her hair against the back of his knuckles. Pressing harder on her lips, his other hand slid into her hair, pulling gently, stroking upward along her neck.

Galileo's meow of approval, followed by the gentle thump of her jumping from the bed and strolling down the staircase, pawing the downstairs door open, drew Selene out of her daze. As if burned, she snatched her hand back, shaking slightly, panting, her lips parted just enough for her fangs to catch the light from the hallway sconces. Without explanation or comment, she turned to walk back into the bedroom.

Severus stood there in the hallway, as if petrified.

As he saw the door begin to swing shut, however, he snapped out of his trance. Slamming his hand on the door, he stopped her from shutting it completely. "What the hell was that?"

"A kiss." Her voice was muffled, her back to him.

"Believe me, Selene, I'm not so solitary that I wasn't aware of that."

"Then why ask, if it was so obvious?"

"I'm not talking about the kiss!" A soft shake of her shoulders was the only clue she gave him that she was crying. Silently, he walked to her, turning her around, lifting her chin to make her face him. " I'm talking about you walking away like that."

A tear slid down her cheek, trailing to the corner of her mouth, salt hitting her tongue as she licked her dry lips. Selene's voice was soft, barely audible despite the closeness, her eyes looking away, not meeting his. "Have you ever done something you know you should regret, but you can't, no matter how hard you try?"

He nodded once, slowly.

Her chin quavered, her eyes spilling over with more tears, her spine going stiff, trying to keep her courage up. "This is my regretless regret."

Severus shook his head, his thumb brushing her cheek, the motion reminding him of a spot of ink and a drink in a pub months before. The memory struck him, twisting his gut, remorse and disappointment eating at him. "If this is what you want…" His hand withdrew, and he stepped back, his eyes reflecting lament.

_If you let this go, you're not the woman I thought you were…_

"It's not what I want." Her voice stopped him as he hit the threshold to his bedroom. "It hasn't been what I've wanted in weeks." Selene's voice trembled, seeming paler and more fragile in the large robe, her black hair tangling around her face.

"Weeks?" His voice barely reached her ears.

Her eyes reflected the brokenness within, as she gave up on any semblance of dignity. "Weeks. I've wanted this for weeks. And I can't have it."

_I swear to Morgan herself, if I live a thousand years, I'll never understand women!_

"Give me one damned good reason why."

She actually flinched from the heated anger burning in his words. "Look at me, damn it. I'm a vampire. I'm one of those creatures that everyone in our world is taught to fear and hate, and everything that Muggles have believed are fairy tales and horror stories. I drink blood to quench this unstoppable hunger, and if I wanted to, I could bite you and turn you into what I am. I live and breathe, Severus, but I'm not human. Just because I age and I can see myself in a mirror and I can at least spend a few minutes in daylight doesn't mean I'm normal, or safe, or allowed to have this." Her voice shook with violent emotions – rage, sorrow, remorse, self-loathing. "I don't know why, and I don't know if I want to know why, but you don't look at me and see some sort of monster. You don't see some creature to fear or some liability. You treat me like I'm alive, like I matter, and that scares me and confuses me and I don't know how to react to it, and all I want to do is let you in."

He turned slowly, just enough to look at her over his shoulder, his hair hanging down, covering his face, wisps hiding the sharp features. "And if I wanted in?"

Her resolve crumbled. "Don't let me let you in."

"Why?"

"Because I want it too much."

Three long strides drew him closer to her, within reach. Without warning, he snatched up her arm, his fingers deftly unwinding the gauze that covered the self-inflicted puncture wounds. Ignoring Selene's whimper and jerk of her arm, trying to free herself, Severus bared the marks to the air, his eyes boring into hers as he brought her arm to his lips, leaving a tender kiss on the spot. "You are alive, you do matter, and you're not some sort of monster. Trust me, I've seen monsters. I've seen darkness and evil and hate. You're none of that, Selene. And if anyone has told you otherwise, they were wrong."

Her skin felt burned from the kiss, from the softness of the touch. His fingers still encircled her wrist, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from them.

It was the longest sustained contact she could remember in years.

_Why are you pushing this away? You want this. He wants this. Why question it?_

_What if he…?_

_Didn't you say you were tired of not trusting? Trust. Just this once._

This time, when she reached up against him, her lips finding his, she didn't back away.


	13. Chapter 13

His eyes opened to the soft light of the sun peeking through the heavy bedroom curtains. Deep, even breathing, and a warm body stretched beside him reminded him he wasn't alone in a place he was almost always alone.

_Well, Severus, congratulations. You've done the impossible and managed to get yourself into a rather complicated web of impropriety. Well done, indeed._

He had to admit – of the few women he'd actually trusted enough to fall asleep beside over the last fifteen years or so, Selene was, by far, the most comfortable bed partner. Instead of stealing blankets, clinging to him in her sleep, or managing to contort herself in such a manner that she could suffocate him with her thick black hair, Selene had simply stretched her limbs, kissed him softly, and curled under the covers beside him. Not against him. Not in any way on him. Beside him. And hadn't stirred once in her sleep.

It was by far the best night's sleep he'd gotten in the last week. Which, considering he was sharing his bed with another person entirely, and not considering the circumstances of the lack of decent sleep in that same time frame, was high praise indeed.

Knowing it was unlikely that Selene would wake before closer to sunset, Severus shifted in the bed, slowly and discretely rising, grabbing his trousers and pulling them on, searching for his white linen shirt. As he snatched it from the floor, her hand moved along the bedding, towards where his body had been seconds before, but rather than awaken in a possessive fury or confused state, she instead pulled his pillow closer to her, never once approaching wakefulness.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he crept from the room and down the stairs, barefoot and bare-chested, the shirt still clenched in his hand. He had a plethora of thoughts running through his head, and one was foremost in his mind.

He needed coffee.

The clock on the living room wall told him it was practically noon, which, given the lateness of the hour in which he finally fell asleep, didn't surprise him much. The faint pounding in his temples was punishment enough for sleeping so late, even if he'd gotten his usual six hours of sleep. He'd never, in his entire adult life, been able to sleep much past sunrise without the penalty of a headache.

Coffee finally in hand, Severus took a large roll from the breadbox and collapsed into the worn, unfashionable oversized chair in the living room that he often preferred to the couch. As the pounding receded in his head, he reflected on the night before. And the impending consequences.

_Because, no matter what was going on in either of our minds, there will be consequences._

_Not necessarily bad ones._

_Like hell. I slept with a colleague. Just wait until McGonagall hears about this one. Bad enough the lectures I used to get about proper conduct outside of the school my first few years teaching. I think I'll take a trial with the Wizengamot to the inevitable lecture she's bound to feed me after this._

_And you honestly think Selene is indiscrete enough to say something to anyone at the school, let alone McGonagall?_

_Well, no…_

_The only way anyone learns about this is if the two of you let them know. And frankly, the pair of you are both mature and discrete enough to carry on an affair without alerting the entire faculty to the fact._

_An affair…?_

_Did you assume this would be for only one night?_

_I hadn't thought about it, actually._

_Well, is that what you want? To let it be one night and to part company? To leave this entire situation confined to what's already been done?_

He couldn't answer his conscience.

If he was completely objective, something Severus Snape prided himself on being able to accomplish on regular occasion, the night before with Selene was probably the most honest sexual experience he'd had in years. Unlike the few lovers he'd taken since the war ended, Selene was neither controlling nor reluctant. Once she'd let down her guard and set aside her objections, of course. Which, all told, he could hardly fault her for.

_Merlin knows the maneuvering I did to hide the damned mark from her…_

In fact, once she'd been convinced he wasn't going to spurn her or fear her for what she was, Selene had surprised him with her openness. Unlike the courtesans he'd patronized, no matter how expensive their fees, Selene's interest wasn't feigned. As she herself commented in a low whisper at one point in the evening, vampiric empathy was occasionally a blessing.

He'd been forced to agree.

It was more than that, though. More than the sex itself. It was the sensuality of the moment. He wasn't used to eye contact as anything more than control or scrutiny. He wasn't used to a touch being soft rather than harsh. And beyond everything else, he sure as hell wasn't used to the trust she'd handed him.

_Maybe you owe her a debt of gratitude. The great Severus Snape rediscovered his humanity. Will wonders never cease. Maybe you should let this drop to McGonagall after all. She'd declare it a bloody miracle._

_Go to hell._

The coffee warmed him as he swallowed the rest quickly, his skin still chilled by the cold air. A moment's concentration brought the fireplace to blazing life, the logs within charmed to never completely burn away. He wanted a shower more than anything on earth at that moment, but he didn't want to risk waking her. She needed her sleep. Despite the night before, she was still his patient, after all. Dumbledore had made it clear that her well-being was in his hands. Which just made the entire situation that more complicated.

As he leaned back in the chair, contemplating what to do next, he caught the faint scent of jasmine clinging to him still.

_Damn again._

A loud purring and a gentle thump at his knee warned him of the kneazle's intrusion.

"I assume you want to know that she's fine, well, alive and in one piece, and simply sleeping."

The feline had the audacity to nod.

_Bloody hell. How do you explain to a feline-kneazle halfbreed pet that you slept rather inappropriately with its mistress?_

"She's fine. Well. Alive. In one piece. And sleeping, last I knew."

Galileo climbed up into his lap, purring louder, turning three times before settling down, curling head-to-tail, eyes closing in slumber.

_What the hell do I do now?_

_

* * *

_

Stretching underneath sheets that felt nothing like the ones that dressed her bed, Selene opened her eyes quickly, shaking away the cobwebs of sleepfulness. The feel of the linen sliding on her skin gave her the physical confirmation of the mental question.

She almost wished it hadn't.

Last night hadn't been a dream after all.

_Could you possibly have made this already-overcomplicated situation any worse, Selene? Oh, no. Not at all. What – he stops you from falling because you're too stubborn to heed his comments about the dizzy spells and the side effect of all the potion you've been pouring down your throat the last few days, you smell his cologne, and you lose every bit of common sense and composure you may have possibly still possessed? I'd ask what you were thinking, except it's painfully obvious you weren't._

_You're not being fair to yourself at all. There were two in this bed last night, if you'll recall. And sure, you may have been foolish and kissed him, but he didn't exactly shy away from it. You didn't make him follow you from the hallway, remember._

_What the hell do I do now?_

_Well, first you decide how to handle this. You can either be completely apologetic and embarrassed, or you can hold your head high, and keep your dignity._

_After last night, I think I lost all claim on dignity._

_Caesar's ghost! You act like you've never taken a lover before in your lifetime._

_Well, it has been a while. Nigh on what, eleven years? Twelve?_

_And whose fault is that?_

_Oh bugger off!_

Of all the things Selene needed at that exact moment in her life, a lecture from her conscience was not on the list.

_A shower. Coffee. Maybe a light dinner. Definitely some clothing…_

Groaning, she rolled over in the bed, burying her face into the pillow next to her, trying to hide from the inevitable.

The scent of cloves overwhelmed her.

_Bollocks. Damned pillow. Why do you have to smell like him?_

_Probably because he slept on it?_

_Shut up, damn it!_

Tears of frustration pricked her eyes, and she sat up in the bed, pulling the sheets to cover herself, just in case he would manage to choose the absolute worst timing in history and walk in before she'd managed to pull herself together.

_Well, won't Claudius be overjoyed when he finds out whose bed his baby sister's been sleeping in these last few days?_

_Claudius doesn't have to ever know._

_Claudius better never find out. For everyone's sakes._

_Would he really object?_

_Well, let's see. Baby sister sleeps with the second-worst possible adult male at her place of employment. After several letters, growing increasingly indiscrete, pleading with said baby sister to quit her career and come home out of familial loyalty. Oh sure, he'll just turn a blind eye to that one, no problem. Right. And Umbridge will nominate me for professor of the year as well, complementing my darling fangs in her speech._

_Glad to see you haven't let go of your sarcasm._

_Didn't I tell you to bugger off?_

The voice receded.

Selene stared into space, her mind reeling. Just because it'd been more years than she cared to recall since the last time she'd even trusted a man enough to hold her hand, let alone sleep beside throughout the night, didn't mean anything. Did it? Or did it mean more than she wanted it to?

She hadn't meant to let her guard down. She hadn't meant to let him in. She hadn't meant to act on every impulse and desire that she'd been suppressing for Merlin-only-knows how long. She'd said 'weeks' last night. Now, she wasn't entirely sure 'weeks' did the longing she'd felt growing inside her enough justice. But it had to have been. The pair had barely spoken more than a dozen words to each other prior to the infamous pranks from earlier in the term. She could probably count on one hand the number of times they may possibly have encountered each other without anyone around before this school year.

It had to be 'weeks'.

Didn't it?

Her heart leapt to her throat as she heard the downstairs door open slightly, but the soft thumps on the staircase told her it wasn't the man coming up to see her. Sure enough, the creak of the not-quite-shut bedroom door exposed a grey bundle of fur, which bounded up onto the bed, whiskers and fur and a cold nose nuzzling her extended hand.

Galileo purred under her touch, turning and stretching as she petted her.

"Where have you been, mea gatta?"

The kneazle turned to look at her, the eyes filled with wisdom beyond a simple housepet's sphere of knowledge.

Her smile faded. "Is he downstairs?"

Galileo nodded.

Selene groaned. "This is the part where my pet tells me I was completely stupid last night, isn't it?"

This time, the kneazle shook its head.

Her jaw dropped.

"Are you saying you approve?"

Instead of responding, Galileo shifted on the bed, curling on Severus' pillow, the scent of cloves wafting upward as she settled down, giving Selene a curious stare before closing her eyes.

_Could my pet be any less vague?_


	14. Chapter 14

Her feet managed to ghost over the soft spots in the staircase, avoiding even the slightest creak or groan, and she smirked as she opened the downstairs door. _Vampiric grace and losing half a stone from being ill can be a blessing, I suppose._ The door opened, and for the first time, Selene's eyes swept over the small, cramped, neglected living room.

Books lined the walls, taking up nearly every conceivable inch of the space. The floor space was taken up by a sofa, old and in dire need of refurbishing in her prejudicial judgment. Across from it, an old-fashioned armchair, equally threadbare and yet oddly comforting, was positioned to face the staircase she'd just stepped from. The fireplace blazed with a drowsy heat, and candles flickered in a lazy fashion from their sconces. Her bare feet tiptoed around the small room, sighting a threshold against one wall, a door leading outside on another.

She could not have imagined his home being any other way.

The curtains were drawn tight, and from the darkness of the room overall and that ever-present tug in her soul, she knew it was evening. Her stomach was aching, and for once, not for the sweet taste of her own blood. The scent of olive oil and garlic, mingling together in as familiar a scent as her own perfume, drifted from behind the threshold, and the subtle sounds of a spoon stirring drew her towards it like a Grecian Siren.

As Selene walked softly toward the room, her eyes swept over the small table, holding a pair of dishes and wine glasses. His back was to her, the white shirt contrasting with his ebony hair at his collar, a bowl beside him filled with romaine, radicchio, and endive, a bottle of vinaigrette nearby. A pot on the stove was boiling, and as she stood there, taking this all in with a mixture of shock and guilt, he reached for another small bowl, pouring the contents into the pan he was tending.

"Are you planning to stand in the doorway this entire time like a statue, or would you rather strike up a conversation?"

Selene's eyebrows went up. "I wasn't aware you even knew I was here."

His shoulders flexed as he shrugged, never turning towards her. "I smelled jasmine."

Her face immediately felt on fire.

Severus stirred the tomatoes, blending them into the sauce, while looking up to check the progress of the pasta in the larger pot. Cooking for one was easy enough to do. For two was a shade more awkward. It meant taking someone else's preferences and tastes into consideration. Just because she was Italian didn't mean she liked pasta at all. In fact, except for the remnants of a meal in a pub months ago, he had no idea what she liked to eat.

At least he knew her tastes where wine was concerned.

"I was going to bring your dinner upstairs, so you wouldn't have to come down. Didn't quite know if you were feeling up to it or not."

Her eyes hit the floor, looking at a knot in the wooden flooring. "I decided I've had enough of being an invalid for a while. Besides, Galileo sort of took over the bed. You know how cats are – they manage to take up more room than is explainable by logic and physics."

He actually laughed slightly, moving to allow the pot to levitate itself to the sink, straining the pasta and water contained within, finishing the sauce. "Your cat seems to defy all the conventional rules where felines and kneazles are concerned."

"You haven't a clue how true that statement is." Selene began to relax, slightly, the topic at least one that would not likely invoke embarrassing or awkward moments.

_In other words, you still have no idea how to talk to someone the day after the two of you…_

_That's quite enough out of you tonight, thank you very much!_

"You'll have to tell me sometime how you managed to befriend a kneazle. It isn't terribly often they attach themselves to someone as a simple housepet." Severus finally turned, a flick of his wrist making the pasta sail over to the table, serving itself, two piles of linguini appearing on the plates, as he poured the homemade pomodoro sauce over them both. "And I apologize for not asking you for your preferences for dinner, but I thought you needed your sleep. Besides, I haven't had a chance to actually go shopping. And I don't believe in house-elves."

Selene took one of the two plates, maneuvering things to allow for a pair of settings, walking around the table and past him, gathering the salad and dressing. "After everything you've done for me, the last thing I could do is criticize your choice of meals." Chianti poured into a pair of glasses, and Selene's chair slid out for her, waiting for her to settle herself down into it. Pulling on her skirt, straightening it, she sat down, her eyes watching him do the same. "Besides, it smells perfect."

The compliment made him grateful for the limited lighting. It hid the color displacing the pallor of his face. "Thank you."

The two ate in silence for a minute, the salad crisp and the pomodoro sauce just the right shade of tangy, before Selene laid her fork down for a moment. "Actually, she chose me."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Galileo. She chose me. In Hogsmeade, actually. On one of my walks home from the Three Broomsticks. She simply walked up to me, meowed loudly, and then followed me back to the castle, into the Hall, up the staircases, and that was that. I haven't been able to figure out why she chose me, but she did."

"Well, they say kneazles have amazing abilities to measure a person's worth. She must have thought you were deserving of her attention."

This time, it was her turn to flush in the candlelight.

"How's the meal?"

Selene smiled. "Wonderful, thank you. I wasn't aware you were an accomplished cook."

"It's not terribly different from brewing a potion."

"Yes, it is."

"How do you figure that?"

"I can't brew a potion to save my life. But I manage to cook rather well, truth be told."

"I'll have to let you cook for me once and see for myself."

"Agreed."

Their banter seemed to break the thin ice that they both had skirted along for the beginning of the meal, setting both of them at ease. It began to feel more like a comfortable, companionable meal, and less like the awkward 'morning after' that they both had dreaded. It was almost as if they had agreed on this avoidance in their conversation, planned out how not to discuss the night before, how to prolong the inevitable.

To both of them, it was a relief.

Selene's eyes swept over the small kitchen, taking in the muggle appliances. "It's been a while since I've seen an actual refrigerator."

His eyes widened. "How do you…?"

"I attended a Muggle university, remember?"

The memory of the comment came back to him. "I'd forgotten." Picking up his wine glass, he relaxed back into his chair, leaning a bit. "How did an Italian girl attending a Bulgarian wizarding school find her way to a Muggle university in Great Britain, anyway?"

Selene shrugged. "Well, La Stregoneria transferred me to Durmstrang, because there was no way I could attend school there. Too sunny. I burn within minutes, and I've never risked it to see if I could actually survive much longer than the time it takes me to turn pink. Durmstrang was the only place that would take me, so I went there. My Astronomy professor there, Novakoff, actually knew a squib who studied Astronomy with a Muggle research facility. He sent me to her after graduation, and she managed to falsify enough documentation to allow me to study there as her assistant."

Severus finished his glass of wine, pouring a second, offering to refill her glass as well. "Interesting. It's rare for our kind to actually study with and mingle with Muggles on any level."

"Rare, but well worth it. Muggles may not have all the documents and knowledge and talents that we do, but they have some rather interesting theories and ways to accomplish things." Selene leapt into the impromptu debate without any sense of hesitation. "It might not be a bad idea for more of our kind to study with Muggles more often. Might expand our worldviews."

"Oh, don't even tell me we're going to get into another debate about antiquated wizarding culture."

"Well, do you have anything more interesting to discuss?"

He had to admit, not really. In fact, the discussion, the heatedness of their potential debate, her quick wit and sarcastic commentary, all were subtly reminding him of why he had felt drawn to her in the first place.

_Of course, last night's little escapades play absolutely no role in that whatsoever…_

_Do us all a favor and, for once, don't serve as my conscience, thank you._

He thought fast. "Well, we could always discuss your stance on the current educational reforms going on at the school."

Selene rolled her eyes. "Or not. That insanity doesn't qualify as educational reform. Seriously, I have never wanted to bite someone so hard in my entire adult life! She commandeered MY classroom and MY observatory, and proceeded to interrupt my lecture a round dozen times with the most asinine questions imaginable. And then, my review comes back 'satisfactory'. No bloody kidding." She seethed across the table, shooting down the glass of wine. "I've only been doing my job for over a dozen bloody years. Might have learned a thing or two since then..."

Selene's face paled, suddenly realizing she held a wine glass in her hands.

Severus dropped his fork. _Oh bloody hell… that was pure genius on your part! Sure, let's serve her wine when she's just been poisoned with it. Gods above and below, Severus, when did you lose all of your intelligence?_

Her eyes grew wide, and she looked across the table at him, the confident, strong, independent-minded woman disappearing before him, doubt and fear beginning to consume the depths of her deep brown eyes. "What if she…?"

He shook his head forcefully. "She didn't, Selene. She couldn't have. Umbridge isn't crafty enough to poison your wine. Besides, the wolfsbane wouldn't have affected a _strigoii_ like this. She would have had no way of knowing you're a _moroii_. It wasn't her."

A lone hot tear trickled down her cheek, and Selene's reserve began to shatter as the question that had been wracking her brain for days finally slipped from her lips. "Then who did this to me?"

He was forced to admit the truth. "We don't know. We can't figure it out."

She looked up into his eyes, fighting to regain her composure. "I'm scared. What if this isn't an accident? What if someone wanted to hurt me? To…" She couldn't finish the words.

It took only two steps for Severus to maneuver around the table, taking her chin and lifting it up. "I promise you. You will be safe. No more poisoned wine. No one will hurt you. Ever again. Trust me."

Her smile was weak, but clear. "Of course I trust you. You keep your promises, remember?"

His heart stopped for a second, the complete honest trust in her words, her voice, her _eyes_, all shocking him senseless.

_It's been a long time since you've seen such open trust, hasn't it?_

Before he knew what he was doing, he'd bent forward, leaning down, his lips finding hers, salt and wine and a sweet sadness all mingling together on them.

* * *

Selene's eyes were swollen when she opened them, her head aching, as much from the wine as from the tears. The room was pitch black, silence invading the very foundations of the small, rickety house. The shift of the wind outside told her a storm was coming.

Of course, there already was one going on in her mind.

_I'm letting him get too far in._

_You're being silly._

_Am I?_

_You haven't let anyone in for so long you don't know the difference anymore between too far and not far enough._

She had to reluctantly agree.

Selene slipped out of the warm bed, leaving him slumbering in twisted sheets, reaching silently for something to pull on over her body. The first things that her fingers found was his white linen shirt. The scent of cloves drifted up from the folds. With a lazy smile, she slipped into it. Pulling back the drapes at the window, she gazed out on the dark, moonless night, stars twinkling against black velvet. Small houses lined the streets, Muggle streetlights blinking along the horizon. While the house itself, and everything in it, felt so very like him, the neighborhood didn't. In fact, it was the last place she would ever have imagined him calling home.

_Maybe that's the point._

Wrapping her arms around herself, Selene pressed her forehead on the cool glass, the chill of the winter cold seeping into her, soothing her headache. Somehow, the solitude of the moment, the quiet subtlety of being surrounded by darkness, the scent of cologne and perfume mingling around her, brought her a peace she rarely felt these days. Except on her tower, wine in hand.

And now, even that peace had been shattered.

Despite the exhaustion of her mind and soul, her body ached for activity, to be thinking and doing, to be alive and alert in this darkness. This was, as her mother had taught her years ago, the side of midnight few ever truly experienced. The side where the darkness opened quietly, where only the most lost souls walked, searching for their own twisted idea of peace.

With a forlorn glance, she turned her head to stare at the man sleeping quietly behind her.

He lived on the other side of midnight.

_What chance does this have? Why pretend this can actually survive past this moment? If it hadn't been for the wine, if he hadn't been there, if Dumbledore hadn't ordered him to hide me away…_

_No one made him send you coffee. Or hold you for a second dance. No one made him come in for wine, or a conversation in a tavern, or a long walk home._

_But he didn't know me then._

_Maybe he knew you better than you know yourself._

_Easy for you to say._

_The day you look in the mirror and see more than a pair of fangs and an unusual sleep pattern is the day you'll discover who you truly are._

Forcing down the hot, bitter tears that tried to trickle down her cheeks, Selene turned back to the window, to the solace of the night sky. Instead, more questions raced through her already bewildered mind. Why hadn't he spurned her? Why did he simply accept what she was? It didn't make sense. So few in the wizarding world understood, or even cared to consider the differences between the living and the undead.

Fewer still would have voluntarily spent time alone with her.

Almost none would have shared a kiss, let alone their body, their bed, their home.

_Severus Snape, you are a puzzle._

She could still remember Anatoli's shock, his outrage, when he finally realized what she was. So young, so foolish, so utterly desperate to feel connected to someone, anyone, even for only a few selfish, reckless, hours. The mistakes of the girl she once had been.

That girl died, bitter and alone and frightened, fourteen years ago. On a cold night much like this, when an elderly wizard Selene had never seen before came to take her from Azkaban, handing her the opportunity of her young and tragic lifetime.

Shelter. Protection. Anonymity.

Thus the masquerade began, as she took over for a rather grateful professor who had lost the passion of teaching, and began educating students not much younger than herself in the only true love she'd known.

She called it 'her tower' for more reasons than he would ever understand.

Selene became so entwined by the thoughts and memories that were crashing inside her that she never heard the creaking of the bed, the soft pad of the footsteps, or the whisper of sound from his breath. All she felt was a hand slide along her hip, a warm body press against her back, a breath caress her neck before lips settled above her pulse.

Her eyes closing, she let the curtain fall, shutting the snow and the cold and the lonely Muggle streets out of her world, and let him pull her back into his.

* * *

He watched her drift back into sleep, her breathing taking on its unique rhythmic pattern once again. After sitting at her bedside for days, then sharing his bed with her for two nights now, Severus felt he would recognize that soft, even, haltered pattern for the rest of his life.

He'd heard her at the window, the faint rustle of the curtain against the rough wood of the windowsill enough to pull him from the faint level of sleep he had been in. One eye had opened, cautiously, and in the darkness saw her, the white shirt contrasting with the tousled curtain of black hair. What shocked him most was that he'd never once felt her stir in the bed, let alone leave it altogether.

That scared him, to be perfectly honest.

It told him he trusted her.

_Did you honestly think she would do you any harm? If so, you're a fool. She's had ample opportunities and never once acted. You're still alive, after all._

_Wouldn't be the first time a woman's slipped in between my sheets and plotted my death all in the same night._

_In case you actually need the reminder, she's not Bellatrix._

_Fair enough. But still…_

_But nothing. For once, just shut up and quit looking for the hidden trap in the pretty package._

That would prove difficult, since looking for and finding the hidden traps had kept him alive this long.

He hadn't meant to get out of the bed, to join her at the window, to pull her back into his arms. But he had. Instinct had told him to. And it had just felt right, holding her again, feeling her turn in his arms, her face hiding in his shoulder, the scent of jasmine curling upward to him. It brought him a comfortable peace he hadn't known in years.

Her hair tangled around her, as her body curled in on itself, pulling the blankets tighter. Staring down at her, he brushed away some of the strands from her cheek, finally calm and in repose. She'd been so distraught at dinner, the memory of the wine and the wolfsbane and the lack of reason behind it all twisting her very soul. He'd felt the pain and confusion, the utter fear that this would happen again, that someone wanted to actually harm her.

He couldn't let her live in that fear. She didn't deserve it.

The wine and the tears had done more than just lower her defenses and bring out the protectiveness from his conscience. They'd talked, for what felt like hours, about everything and nothing all at once. He'd finally learned a little about her mother, how she'd been bitten by one of the _strigoii vampiri _when only a few weeks pregnant with Selene, which explained her existence as a _moroii. _It was why the _moroii _were rare in the first place – while the life force from a pregnant woman drew vampires like flames and moths, the newly-bitten woman often miscarried, the will to live drained from her.

Evidently, Selene's mother was a rather remarkable woman indeed.

She'd spoken so matter-of-factly when she told him how her father, upon her birth and seeing the tiniest of fangs in his only daughter's mouth, had left them both, and the entire family, forever. He had expected coldness, bitterness, maybe a bleak sadness in her voice, but instead, she radiated odd neutrality. Of course, it would make sense for her to see the situation objectively, to separate herself from the past, from what she couldn't possibly control.

Her voice had grown warm, however, when mentioning her favorite of her four brothers, the enigmatic Julius, whom she seemed to wrap her world around. From the lightness in her voice, this was the one who had teased Selene about her love for astronomy, her academic interests, the one who was as much friend as anything. To see her eyes light up, telling a tale involving Julius, herself, and a rather confused Muggle priest, told him much about the childhood Selene must have had. For once, he felt a twinge of loss for the childhood fate had cruelly given him.

He envied her, in a way. At least someone had loved the little girl she once had been.

However, she grew guarded and silent when he questioned her about the other three brothers. All he knew was there were twins, and an oldest one, who seemed to be the self-appointed father of the Sinistra children. He asked a simple question, about whether or not she felt she should owl them before Christmas Day.

That was when she turned in his arms, changing the topic of conversation completely from her past to her clearly in-the-present desires.

He couldn't bring himself to object.

His body now yearned for sleep, for a chance to rest tired muscles and let go of his anxiety. Sleep had been something he'd gotten precious little of during this night. Even though thoughts and worries concerning the woman beside him and where the last week would inevitably take them drifted through his mind, eventually even he couldn't resist the pull of slumber, the need to close his eyes and give in to sleep.

As he did, his arm reached out, pulling her closer, his body curving against hers, feeling her slip her hand in his, feeling content and connected to someone else for the first time in years.


	15. Chapter 15

Voices drifted up through the floorboards, waking Selene in the middle of the afternoon.

Stretching in the bed, she frowned slightly, wondering just who in the hell would be downstairs, chatting. Unless Severus was talking to himself, and somehow he seemed far too sane to do that.

Her curiosity got the best of her.

Sliding out of the bed, Selene opened the closet door, staring at a few of her dresses and robes. The idea now that her clothing would be in his home made sense to her, no longer shocking or confusing. Just as he'd laid out her toiletries and hairbrush and perfume, it made sense he would make sure to have her clothing there for her.

It gave her a sense of normalcy, in a situation that was anything but normal.

As she brushed her hair, clipping it back with the dragonfly clip Julius gave her years before, the voices diminished, and she shrugged, assuming she may have dreamt or imagined them. Hell, for all she knew, it could have just been the wind whistling through the creaky walls. Rationalizing the situation, Selene reached for deep blue robes and pulled them on over her dress, tightening the belt two notches more than usual.

_Bloody hell, I lost weight…_

Galileo purred on the bed behind her, watching every step she took. "Don't give me that look. I haven't felt this close to normal in days. I'm not getting dolled up for him – it's for me. So, you can take that all-knowing look out of your eyes and go hunt a mouse or something truly beneath you."

The grey cat leapt from the bed and shot for the staircase.

Selene followed her pet. Reaching the end of the staircase, she stopped, frozen, at the two voices just beyond the closed door.

She recognized them both.

"Well, Severus, aren't we being coy and secretive today?"

Severus rolled his eyes at his old friend, watching him stretch out on his couch, his hair pulled back in a severe fashion. "I merely said I didn't have time for a prolonged discussion, Lucius. Half an hour ago, if I recall correctly."

"I do admit, I was surprised to find you at home and not at your precious school."

"Then why stop by?"

"Because." That was Lucius' answer for almost everything. "I thought I'd take a chance. So, why are you home?"

"No reason of interest, I assure you, Lucius. I merely wanted away from the castle and those annoying children for a few blissful weeks."

Lucius chuckled. "Damn. And here I was, hoping for a much juicier reason than that."

"My condolences for your prurience."

Selene sagged against the side of the staircase. _Hellfire and damnation, what's that man doing here? _Silently groaning, she turned to make her way back up the staircase, not wanting to deal with Lucius Malfoy, this evening or any other.

She didn't make it to the next step. The turn made her head spin, her vision blurred, and she lost her balance, stepping on Galileo's tail, causing the cat to cry out, shoving the door open as she barreled her way through it. Scowling at her own complete lack of poise, she tried to regain her dignity, stepping out into the living room with a cloak of nonchalance wrapped around her. With a graceful smile, she turned to face the two men, one staring at her with clear concern, the other with shock.

"What in the name of Avalon is _she_ doing here!"

"Interesting question. I was about to ask the same of you."

Severus' eyes flashed between the pair of them. "_She_ is my guest, and how do you know who _she_ is?"

Lucius' jaw fell open. "You didn't just ask me that, Severus. Seriously. You did not just ask me how I know who Selene Sinistra is. Did you? Because if you did…"

"You're acting as if I should know what the hell you're going on about, Lucius."

Selene's eyes narrowed, and her back found an iron will it hadn't had moments before. "Lucius, drop it."

The blonde man rose from his lounging to stare at her, crossing half the distance between them. "Like hell I will. Do you have any idea how many owls Claudius has flying around England, how many people looking for you? How utterly livid he is that he has no idea where you are? Hell's bells, Selene, he's searching all of Britain for you, and you're _here?_ In _Snape's _house!"

"I have absolutely no idea how many owls, Lucius." Her voice was ice, her jaw set. "And I don't see why he's trying to track me down. Last I checked, I didn't need his permission to leave school grounds."

"Well, from what he said over dinner last night, he sent you a letter a week ago, saying he would be in Hogsmeade for dinner with you that night, and that you didn't show."

"I never got a letter."

This time, it was Severus' turn to speak. "Yes, you did."

Selene turned, with agonizing slowness, to stare. "How do you know?"

"I was there when the owl arrived. When you were…" He stopped, eyes flashing quickly between her and Lucius, his mind spinning quickly, trying to weave his way out of this predicament. "When you were ill. That morning, an owl arrived with a letter. The seal had your family's winery seal on it. A bunch of grapes under a half-moon."

Selene's jaw dropped. Then out poured a rapid-fire litany of Italian, some of which he grasped the general meaning of, most of which sounded completely anatomically impossible or would, at the least, violate social norms on an international level.

Both men cowered.

Selene finally calmed down, slightly, although her nails dug into her palms. Taking in a deep breath, she turned to Lucius. "Are you planning to see Claudius again soon? You could take him a letter from me. That way he can stop fretting. Bloody hell, I'm a grown woman, not an infant who escaped the nanny!"

Lucius shook his head. "Do you have any idea the threats he has hanging over our heads, Selene? No. If any of us know anything about his baby sister, we're under pain of torment to let him know immediately. It took a lot of convincing for him not to put us all under a binding."

Severus felt his knees start to give out. Pieces of their conversation were falling into place. Explanations for silence, for half-answered questions, for avoiding topics, finally began to make sense.

"Your eldest brother is Claudius Sinistra."

Selene heard the whispered accusation and slowly turned, nodding once, biting her lip. "Yes. He is."

"And you didn't think you should tell me?"

Selene stared at him. "Well, to be perfectly honest, I assumed you'd put the two together before now. How many Sinistras can possibly be in our world?"

Severus' temper snapped. "How in the hell was I supposed to connect you to a man at least fifteen years your senior who looks nothing like you? Bloody hell, Selene, I'm intelligent but I'm not clairvoyant!" His eyes reflected angry black fire. "Don't you think this is one of those little stories about yourself I should have heard before now?"

If there had been anything within arm's reach, Selene likely would have thrown it at him. "Of course, Severus. That would have been brilliant. 'Oh, before I commit career suicide and sleep with you, you should know that my eldest brother's a Death Eater, just like you, and that he's jealously protective of me, so it would probably be a good idea if we didn't tell him about this.' When the HELL was I supposed to deliver a line like that?"

Lucius' silver eyes grew wide. "Oh bloody Merlin and Morgan. You didn't. Severus, tell me you didn't."

Selene whipped around to face him, wishing for her wand. "He did. And I did too, you chauvinistic rodent. And if you breathe a word of this to Claudius…"

Lucius held his hands up, backing away slowly from the woman and her bitter wrath. "Trust me, I won't say a word. I prefer my comfortable existence, thank you."

Severus just stared at her, her face almost flushed from her anger and her spitting rage.

The color made her look more alive than he was used to seeing her the last few days. Well, except when…

_Could you possibly get your mind out of your bedroom and back into rational thought?_

"You knew." The accusation was past his lips before he realized he'd even thought the words. "You knew I was a…"

Selene's hands went to her hips. "Of course I knew! Circe's song, Severus! My eldest brother's been a Death Eater since the very first Morsmordre was shot into the air! He's been supportive of Voldemort since I was in school. I had Death Eaters walking in and out of my home since I was in Durmstrang. Bloody hell, I'm half-surprised I never met you before I came to teach. I saw Lucius often enough as it was."

"And you didn't think to TELL ME?"

"I didn't think you would be so completely thick that you wouldn't have figured it out by now!"

Lucius started laughing, at first softly chuckling, but building to uncontrollable hysterics.

Two pairs of dark eyes narrowed and glared at him.

"What's so amusing, you repugnant sybarite?"

Lucius just stared at the pair of them. "You didn't know she was the little sister to the man our Lord relied upon to gather the vampiric legions to his side of the war. And she didn't tell you she knew you were one of us. And you SLEPT with her! And now, I have to go tell him I know where his sister is, and when he gets here he's liable to crucio you where you stand. Oh my gods, this is a bad Greek comedy."

Selene's voice grew cold. "Excuse me." With a nod to Severus, she crossed the rest of the distance between herself and Malfoy…

…and slapped him. Hard.

"Shut up, Lucius, and listen to me well. Whatever you think my brother could possibly do to Severus, imagine me returning to you tenfold. If you so much as hint at anything that would unduly anger him, I swear on my mother's own lost soul I'll make sure Narcissa's a widow faster than you'd be able to tie your cravat. I don't care. You know well enough by now that just because I don't follow in Claudius' footsteps doesn't mean I'm not capable of it."

Severus did a double take at her words.

_Does she mean…did she just…what the hell is going on?_

Lucius's eyes narrowed just a bit, staring down at the younger woman, having to remind himself that any retaliation on his part would result in his death. Of course, whether it was her brother or her lover committing the murder remained to be seen, as Severus shot him a glare that Lucius rarely saw come over his former protégé's face. Ice coated the black depths, and a cold, raging fury crept over his harsh features. Swallowing hard, he bowed his head slightly. "Regardless of your wishes, _Signorina Sinistra_," he replied mockingly, "your brother has ordered me to let him know if I learned anything about your whereabouts. I promise, though, I won't breathe a word of your…escapades…to him. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do care about my wife, and would like to live a while longer."

"Fine. Whatever." Turning abruptly, Selene marched to the hidden door, wrenching it open and storming up the stairs.

Lucius just stared at Severus. "Merlin's ghost, if you were that hard up, why didn't you just go out on one of my accounts?"

Snape resisted the urge to punch his friend. "One of these days, I'm going to pay a visit to the Manor and let Narcissa know just how many brothels her husband patronizes."

"She already knows."

"Does she know half of them are Muggle-operated?"

Lucius' expression grew a twinge less arrogant. Galileo took that opportunity to express what she thought of the visitor. She leapt onto the back of the couch, claws extended, and hissed angrily at Malfoy, fur bristling. "When did you get a pet, Severus?"

Snape smirked. "I didn't. It's Selene's."

"Hideous thing, isn't it?"

"It's part-kneazle."

Galileo growled in warning, her body poised to jump at him.

"Bollocks."

"Get the hell out of my house, Lucius."

Without another word, Lucius Malfoy disapparated from the spot.

Galileo immediately calmed down, her fur smoothing, her claws retracting. With a happy chirp of a meow, she walked the back of the couch and reached her head towards Severus' hand, demanding he pet her then and there. Absently, he gave in, his fingers smoothing over the fur and small head, a deep purring coming from her small body.

"What the hell do I do now, Galileo?"

The kneazle looked up at him before hopping off the couch, strolling to the hidden door, pawing at the seam between it and the wall.

"How'd I know you were going to tell me to go talk to her?"

Galileo gave the closest feline approximation to a human shrug physically possible, then sauntered to the kitchen, towards the bowls of scraps and milk left out for her.

The second he reached the hallway, she slammed the door in his face.

_Typical. See, this is why I keep my liaisons rather uncomplicated._

_Oh, stop your whinging on and go talk to her._

_And say what, exactly? Hell, I don't know what I'm doing here._

_Well, telling her you're not mad at her for neglecting to mention one of the highest ranking members of your 'youthful indiscretion' calls her his baby sister would be a good start?_

_Since when am I not mad at her for that!_

_Since you decided you didn't really want to see her walk up those stairs._

_Gods, I just want a sign I'm not losing my sanity._

_Be careful what you wish for…_

One of these days, he needed to find a psychologist and ask if these conversations with his conscience were normal. He doubted it immensely.

Throwing open his bedroom door melodramatically, he stopped his fuming at the sight before him. Selene sat, perched on the windowsill, the curtains blocking the setting sun from her, peeking out through the edging, tears glistening on her cheeks.

"Anyone else on the planet would have understood the unspoken cues that a slammed door manages to convey."

He winced at the edge of pain on her words.

"First of all, lest I remind you, this is my bedroom. And secondly, I thought we should talk."

Selene's head turned to him, eyes furious, burning passionately. "Talk? About what? About how I could keep such a retched secret from you? How I should have told you before seducing you and having my way? How I should have pushed you away and said 'this isn't a good idea – my brother happens to outrank you in that little group you pretend to no longer associate with'? Tell me, Severus, how in the hell was I supposed to tell you something that you should have figured out ages ago? Especially something I'm not overly proud of to begin with?"

He stared at her, anger flaring, his temper beginning to get away from him. "The last time I ever laid eyes on Claudius Sinistra, I was nineteen, and he was one of over fifty men around me, all in cloaks and masks at the time. All I remember is that he was probably around thirty then, was much taller and broader than you are, and had light brown hair and hazel eyes. Trust me, I wasn't close enough to him to know he had three brothers and a baby sister that was hidden away in Bulgaria. Unless someone told me, besides the last name, how in Olympus was I supposed to make the connection, Selene? Please tell me, because I'd love to know how this is completely my fault!"

She roared back at him. "I've hidden everything about myself since I was twenty-one, Severus! I haven't trusted anyone with any secrets about myself since I came to Hogwarts. Why in hell would I share them with someone my brother is convinced is a traitor to his beliefs?"

"Because I slept with you!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I never learned that social rule that dictated that sex came with a full disclosure agreement."

"Damn it, Selene, that's not my point! I would have assumed you'd trust me by now." His eyes reflected the implied insult her words had conveyed. "Clearly, I need to assume less where you're concerned."

_Once again, girl, you're pushing him away. Thought you'd come to a decision about that…_

Selene leaned back against the window, the coldness seeping into her, chilling her fury as her conscience has its way. "Trust isn't exactly my forte."

His hand instinctively rubbed his left forearm. "Nor mine."

"I didn't tell you because I thought that either you already knew, in which case I thought I'd let you bring it up, or that you didn't know, and if you found out, you would change your viewpoint of me." Shrugging, she stared at the floor. "I rather liked being appreciated for my academics and not my lineage. To know you befriended me out of genuine opinion and not anything from my past."

"I never even guessed. You're nothing like I would have expected a Death Eater sibling to be." Relaxing his posture slightly, he asked the question on his mind since her outburst downstairs. "You don't sound as if you approve of your brother's choice."

Groaning with exhaustion, Selene rubbed her face, trying to massage away the ache in her temples. "Claudius was one of the original Death Eaters. I was in Durmstrang when he made the decision. There was… well, an _incident_. And when Claudius found out, he went a little mad. Storming around about how he needed to ensure Mama and I were kept safer. One of his friends had a friend who knew of a wizard who wanted to make changes in our world, and one day, when I was home for Christmas, a man in heavy robes came looking for my brother." Her eyes looked up, meeting his. "By that evening, my brother wore that bloody mark on his arm."

"Incident?"

Selene's lips twisted in an odd smile-grimace. "An old friend of yours named Karkaroff decided to swap labels on a bottle to test a theory he had about my exemption from Herbology classes. I managed to taste test a laughter draught that had hellebore in it."

Severus' eyes widened. "Hellebore causes a vampire to…"

She nodded. "I know. Increases our sensitivity to light. Trust me – I learned that one."

Severus sat on the bed, fatigued from the unexpected visit and the current discussion. "Karkaroff poisoned you and your brother went and sided with you-know-who?"

Selene shrugged. "Not quite like that. But yes. Basically. Mama was furious. She didn't talk to Claudius for weeks. I remember Julius spent a lot of time trying to calm them both down. Turns out, in the end, that Voldemort only wanted Claudius because he would be able to persuade the different factions of the vampiri to join his side. Because of Mama, we knew some, one in particular who was well-connected, and Claudius exploited that to his advantage. I remember I had sons of Death Eaters who attended Durmstrang playing bodyguard for me, on Claudius' command. When I left for university, he actually tried to send a pair with me." Her eyes reflected a calm passion. "I loathed him for it. For the choice. Everything I ever saw about that damn mark and everything that came with it repulsed me."

Severus visibly winced. "So… you knew about me?"

The worry, the warped confusion in his eyes calmed Selene's temper. A bit. Nodding, she unfolded herself from the wide windowsill and walked over to him, reaching for his left hand. "I did. When I first accepted the post, Claudius came to Hogsmeade and met me for dinner. Went on and on about how he detested the idea of my teaching with you, how he swore you were most likely a traitor but no one could prove it, how you had some people convinced you were a true Death Eater, but not everyone, and it would be safer for me to stay away from you. I told him to never again tell me how to live my life. That I would make my own mind up, regardless of his threats or arguments. And I reminded him I was highly unlikely to socialize with anyone anyway."

His voice was low. "And you didn't."

Her deep brown eyes met his black. "Not for a long time. Not until I knew for sure."

Bewilderment twisted his features. "Knew what?"

Her fingers deftly pushed up his robe sleeve, her fingers tracing the mark she knew so well, ignoring his jump from the soft contact. "That you were much more than just this mark."

_If you were looking for a sign, you stubborn idiot, she just handed it to you…_

Severus' hand shook beside hers, feeling her fingertips still trace the snake that had been burned into his flesh years ago, on a dark night when he made a choice that he regretted to this minute. That thing on his arm was why he rarely entertained female company at all these days. It usually became too much of a complication to hide the Dark Mark. He'd hidden it from her for the last few days for no reason.

She'd known. She'd known he bore that sign and she'd known everything that came with it.

And she'd slept with him anyway.

The realization was mind-blowing.

He had to shake his head to clear his thoughts, searching for clarity. "You should owl your brothers. Let them know you're alive and in one piece, since Lucius made it clear they're concerned. Or go to them. You haven't had a dizzy spell in almost two days. You could probably apparate easily enough without causing a relapse."

The concern in his voice made her smile. "Claudius needs to learn he's not my keeper. Another few hours of not knowing where I am should teach him. Besides, I doubt lovely Lucius is going to keep him in the dark for long. Trust me – he'll be on your doorstep within hours."

Her fingers still idly outlined his mark.

"Well then, shouldn't you go to him, to prevent him from killing me for harboring his sister without his knowledge?"

Selene shook her head, her other hand reaching up, sliding against his cheek, her body stepping closer to him. "I can handle Claudius. The question is, can you sit back and let me, without being my knight in shining armor?"

His right hand settled on her hip, feeling the slide of her robes underneath his calloused fingertips. "I prefer not to interfere in other families' politics. Always seems the safest course of action."

Her lips ghosted against his own, turned upward into a wicked smile. "Good."


	16. Chapter 16

The pounding on the door as the clock chimed nine made him jump on his couch, dropping his copy of Dostoyevsky's 'The Gambler' to the floor, the Russian words not distracting him as they usually did when he was on edge.

_Well, she did warn you he would be prompt._

Glaring at nothing in particular, he went to undo the wards on his home and open the front door.

In stepped a tall figure, broad-shouldered and impeccably dressed in robes of a deep wine-red. Hazel eyes that lacked any real warmth surveyed him up and down, a cold sneer twisting his lips, his hand clenching a walking cane, its head decorated with a silver falcon.

Every line of Claudius Sinistra's demeanor was meant to intimidate.

Too bad he was about twelve years too late to have that effect on Severus Snape.

A thick Italian accent etched his words. "Where is my sister?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Good evening to you as well."

With a smooth motion, Claudius pulled his wand from his sleeve, holding it within an inch of Snape's nose. "Listen, you. I care very little for how much or how little our Lord thinks of you right now. As far as I, and others, are concerned, you showed no loyalty to your brethren all those years ago. You're as beneath me as the filthiest Muggle. So, quit wasting my time and tell me where Selene is, or…"

"Or you'll what, exactly?" Black eyes narrowed as he glared at the older man, his own wand held firmly in hand. "The wards on this home will ensure anything you do to me will be done to you in kind. So, you can forget that crucio you likely wanted to bestow upon me…"

Claudius' fist curled. "I don't need to use magic to handle you, you revolting…"

"_Arresto!"_

Selene stood in the doorway of the staircase, her own wand pointed directly at her oldest brother, fury and a dark passion radiating from her. Beside her, a grey bundle of fur growled, fur bristling, fangs bared. "I said stop, damn you both!"

"Non divenite coinvolti, Selene."

"Don't tell me what to do, Claudius!" Her hand never wavered, regardless of the steps she took towards the taller man, before snatching his wand from him. "Zeus and Hera, you'd think by now you'd have grown up a little bit. Or at least learned a few manners Mama tried to teach you."

"Selene, siate silenzioso! Vi porto casa."

Selene glared. "You can drop the Italian – he speaks Latin, so he'll understand every word anyway. And you're not taking me home or anywhere else, so you can stop acting so noble. And don't ever tell me to be quiet again."

Claudius' jaw hung open. "I am not leaving you here with this…this…"

Her eyebrow shot straight up. "This what, Claudius? This man to whom I owe my life?"

Hazel eyes flew wide-open. "Your life? Surely you're just being dramatic. You don't look as if you've been in any danger…"

"Don't belittle me, Claudius." Selene stepped between the two of them, her wand finally lowering, clutching hers, slipping his into her pocket. "I mean it. If it hadn't been for him, I'd never have survived the other night. Or the next three days. I was poisoned last week, Claudius."

The deep olive coloring in her brother's face began to fade. "Poison?"

Severus finally spoke up, stepping out of Selene's shadow, beside her. "Her wine was laced with wolfsbane. It almost killed her. She spent days in a coma; I had to pour potions down her throat and hold her while she purged the poison from herself. All unconscious. It took two more days before she could even stand on her own. Trust me, she's not being dramatic. She came close to death."

Claudius paled even more, swallowing hard. "Wolfsbane? In your wine?"

Selene dropped her ire, staring at her brother, searching his eyes, his words. She knew that tone of his voice. "Yes. My wine. Why?" The hazel eyes lowered, not meeting her gaze. Another marker she knew all too well. "What aren't you telling me, Claudius?"

He turned away from his sister.

She wrenched him back. "Claudius Nero Sinistra, don't you dare… what are you hiding from me? Because if I have to owl Mama…"

Claudius shook his head, thick brown hair swaying with his motions. "Leave her out of it, _sorellina_."

"Then tell me. Or I will owl her. Or Julius. At least I have one brother who won't lie to me or treat me as if I were still ten."

Claudius paced in the small living room, avoiding his sister's iron gaze, murmuring in Italian at a pace far faster than Severus' limited Latin could follow. One word finally caught his ears, grabbing his attention and refusing to let go.

Before Selene could react, he grabbed the older man and swung him around to stare into his face, fury fueling him. "Mistake? What the bloody hell do you mean, a mistake? Your sister was almost killed and you strut around here crowing about a mistake!"

Selene grabbed his arm. "Severus, please." Her voice shook as much as the slender hand pulling him away. "Please, don't. You promised." With swimming eyes, Selene stared at her brother. "The wine was a mistake? Is that what you're saying?"

Claudius had no choice. With the air of a broken spirit, he nodded.

Severus' mind lurched, along with his stomach. "You sent your sister the wrong wine? You meant the wolfsbane for someone else?"

At another nod from her brother, Selene's voice grew quiet and dejected. "You broke your promise to Mama. You swore to her you'd never …"

"Clearly, _sorellina_, I kept that promise."

"But you meant to!" Her voice shook the very walls. "You swore to Mama, swore in blood, and you intended to break that vow! Claudius, how could you?"

"I did what I was told to do, Selene. Greyback had a traitor in his midst; he needed the poisoned wine to deal with it quietly, without involving his pack…"

The twisted snarl that came over her shocked Severus – it was as uncharacteristic as possible for her. Or, at least, every side of her that he'd seen thus far. "That filthy, repugnant werewolf matters more than our mother? More than ME?"

"Damn it, of course not, _sorellina!_" The regret and fear was giving way to the arrogance that enveloped him when he first walked into the home. "I had no idea the wine was sent to you. I've been worried sick since you didn't show up for dinner. I've had everyone I can think of searching for you. This is why I keep begging you to come home. If you'd been with us, it never would have happened, and even if it had, you know Marcus could have…"

"I was in rather capable hands, Claudius, no worries. Don't twist this into your campaign to drag me home and use me as some little mascot to justify your deplorable choices."

"Oh, grow up, Selene!" Claudius' voice barely contained his rage. "The war has begun again! There are choices to be made, and people live or die by them. You live in your idyllic little world where you pretend that everyone can be noble and kind. That's not real, Selene. Besides, not all of us have the luxury of hiding in castles away from it all…" His eyes leered over at the other occupant in the room, his words clearly intended for another target.

"Go to hell, Sinistra."

"Not unless I take you with me, Snape."

"STOP IT!"

"I'd like to see you try it."

"I think it's one unforgivable I'd be forgiven for, in the end…"

"I SAID STOP!"

This time, the whole room shook, books falling off narrow shelves, the clock crashing to the floor with a sickening crunch, before both men finally stopped their row to stare at the woman, her hands clenched into fists, one gripping her wand so tightly blood dripped from her palm to the wooden floor where her nails cut her flesh. The air around her still faintly crackled with energy, and Galileo wrapped herself around an ankle, protecting her mistress from her own temper. In the pale candlelight, Severus could see the tearstains on her cheeks.

Selene took a deep breath, Galileo's calm purring giving her something to center herself on, regaining her self-control. "I will not stand here a second longer and put up with this completely petty bickering. War or not, Claudius, good intentions or not, orders or not, you broke a vow to our mother. I almost died, as much from those people you try to save me from as from your anger and stupidity. I've made it clear I never want to exist like Mama, unable to see my own face, to know that I'll outlive the very notion of family, unless someone is kind enough to drive a stake through my heart at sunrise. If I'd have died, Claudius, I'd have become everything I never wanted for myself, and regardless of why, you're the one who almost made that happen. You claim to care about your baby sister, your precious _sorellina, _but you haven't so much as thanked the man who saved me from your carelessness, your utter stupidity. I don't give a damn who you tried to kill or why. Get the hell out of my sight."

"Don't be silly, Selene."

"I'm not." Her voice trembled with unshed tears. "Get the hell out. Now. I don't know what to even think right now. I'll find you when I'm ready to talk to you again. But for now, Claudius," she finished, her words shaking to the point of almost no coherence, "just go away."

"I'm not leaving you with him…"

"One again, Claudius, not your choice. I'm an adult. But don't worry." She turned her head to stare at the other man in the room, her eyes narrowed and cold. "You're not. I'm returning to the school before morning. I'll be safe enough there."

"Selene, come home. Mama wants…"

She couldn't keep the tears away any longer. "Since when do you care anymore what Mama wants?"

Claudius' shoulders sagged and his head hung low at the accusation. "For what little it's worth, Selene, we all want you home."

"Not this Christmas, Claudius."

She stood in place as she handed her brother his wand and turned his back on her, walking out through the front door.

At the discrete cough behind her, she spun around, livid. "You promised me to stay out of it." Without giving him a chance to respond, Selene stormed up the staircase to the bedroom, wand flashing around, her items packing themselves into a small case found in the closet.

She'd meant what she'd said. She had every intention of returning to Hogwarts.

* * *

His house echoed as he walked through it, the familiar walls and filled shelves somehow not exuding the solace they usually did. The furniture hadn't changed in thirty years, nor had the limited décor. It was, ironically, just how he wanted it. Ever since going to teach at the school, this was his sanctuary, his way to escape his world, his torment, his own private hell.

Now, it had become the hell he sought to avoid.

Severus picked up yet another book, the binding broken from the fall from the shelf, cleaning the mess that had been left in her wake. How Selene had shaken the house evaded him – on the other hand, vampiric psychic ability wasn't unheard of. And the house was barely stable. Hadn't been for years. The falling books had reminded him of another winter night, years ago, only the woman who had wielded the wand hadn't had Selene's high cheekbones or tall, slender frame.

That was the night his father had left them for good.

Shoving aside memories best left forgotten, he repaired torn pages and broken covers, sliding each book home with reverent care. They were all Severus possessed now of his father, besides a few stolen Muggle pictures and a pocket watch that he'd found when cleaning the home after his mother's death. He remembered that night, regardless of how he tried to forget. Home from Hogwarts for Christmas break, he'd sat back and watched, yet again, as his mother drank to the point of irrationality and his father reacted to her drunkenness with his usual anger. Tobias had thrown Eileen against the bookcase after she'd tried to slap him, his books flying everywhere as his wife scrambled to her feet.

Neither Tobias or his son had seen the wand in her hand.

It had only been reflex from the torment of the Marauders that had honed his reflexes to where he could deflect the stinging hex Eileen had flung at her husband. Her rage had then turned toward them both, and it was only from the liquor and the bump on her head that caused her to not react.

Once Eileen had fallen into her stupor, clutching the bottle that had become her solace as her marriage crumbled and her life unraveled, Tobias Snape pulled his only child aside, explained in the best terms a thirteen-year-old boy could understand how he simply could not handle her anymore, how he'd once truly loved her, how sorry he was he couldn't save him, and left. No case, no bag. Just a lecture on how he couldn't live with a witch who resented him, a regret on not being able to take his son with, before he grabbed his coat, hailed a Muggle cab, and left.

When his mother had woken, the beating she'd given her son had been harsher than any hex he could have felt.

The burdens of being his mother's mistake.

Severus' left arm ached as he remembered why he'd taken the mark in the first place. It hadn't had a thing to do with those damn bastards who tortured him every year of school. It hadn't had a thing to do with his father. It wasn't power or possible wealth or even manipulation.

He just wanted to be good enough for her.

She'd died, alone, rejecting him at her bedside.

"_I was pureblooded. Noble. Respected. And I just rebelled against my parents and married him. What a fool. And more the fool - because of you, I stayed with him."_

Holding a copy of 'Othello', Severus' long fingers caressed the binding, no fault found in the old book, one of his favorites. Selene had left an hour before, with no word, just an awkward silence and a stiff nod before using his fireplace. He knew why, he understood completely.

Family, after all, was all that the outcasts had in the end.

He had clearly stepped the line. She'd asked him, with her quiet strength, to leave her brother to her to deal with. It was her fight, and instead he'd allowed Claudius to get to him, to get under his skin, and he'd risen to the bait. But that was not the only catch.

He'd snapped when he learned about the wine.

_Why did I do that? _

_Maybe because you care about her?_

_But if I cared, wouldn't I have abided by her wishes?_

_Not if you felt she'd been in harm's way…_

Bollocks.

This wasn't the way his life was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to let anyone in, he wasn't supposed to let his guard down. That had been Eileen's mistake. He'd sworn on her grave not to make the same mistake.

So why did this house now feel like a stifling prison of his own design?

* * *

Her apartment seemed so foreign to her, so distant and cold, as she stood beside her bed, her hand holding one of the posters. The deep sapphires and burgundies that had decorated the few rooms of her apartments seemed wrong somehow, too bright, too rich.

Too alone.

Galileo had immediately made her displeasure known, growling and hissing at her mistress the second her paws stepped from the fireplace. She didn't like leaving the little house, and she refused to allow Selene the luxury of ignoring that fact. Settling on her grey couch, leaving her bag on the floor without care, Selene hugged a pillow close to her, for once not smelling cloves or some odd concoction of potions ingredients clinging to everything around her. She needed that separation, that space, to work through the convoluted thoughts she had.

She should have been angry at Severus for interfering the way he did, especially after she asked him not to do so. She should have been livid for his defending her, for silently implying she was incapable of doing so for herself. And most of all, she should have been fuming over the fact that he'd disregarded everything she'd said in bed that afternoon, about Claudius' need to control and intimidate, and not to rise to the occasion.

Instead, the memory of his vehement defense of her made her stomach twist in a way it hadn't in half a lifetime.

This needed to end. It wasn't practical in any way. All Selene could see coming from the liaison continuing was either awkwardness or regret. Neither were sensations she enjoyed. The term would begin, they'd have work and obligations, classes and students, research and exams. They wouldn't have time to even consider regular dates for coffee, let alone trysts behind everyone's backs. Not to mention the effort to keep this life private – she couldn't see either of them ever comfortable with the idea of Madam Sprout making commentary to them at some feast.

But the thought of letting go of the most freeing and effortless relationship she'd had in over a decade just seemed so utterly and completely wrong to her.

Everything about him, about the feel of being with him, was completely counter to Anatoli. It wasn't about lust and control and ownership. It was about mutual desire and freedom and respect.

Things that had been long missing from her life.

Anatoli Korovich had been introduced to her at a university function. She'd been twenty, studying in her final year in Astronomy. Her advisor at Durham, Professor Coulter, had introduced Novakoff to the event, to show off his former student as she presented their joint research, and to allow her student to socialize with a fellow wizard.

He'd brought his nephew, Anatoli.

Blonde, glacier-blue eyes, and exceptionally tall. That was her first impression of Anatoli. A few glasses of champagne and a couple whispered comments from Novakoff, informing her that he was 'their kind', and Selene had been willing to let him walk her home. And into her life.

Until a few months later, when he finally noticed the puncture wounds she'd tried to keep him from seeing. The fangs she hid with every kiss. The way she had convinced him she hated quidditch and preferred to study in the day, that her studies required a different sleep pattern.

Then he'd turned on her.

It had been in Azkaban when one of the investigators let it slip that Anatoli had told them about her. Anatoli, who had spent the short time they were together telling her how to dress, how to act, what to read. Anatoli, who had tried to get her to move out of university dorms and into his flat, to not pursue such Muggle studies anymore, to study something more practical than astronomy. Anatoli, who in only a matter of weeks had completely turned her from this growing independent woman to someone who could scarcely breathe without the man she was so sure she loved.

Anatoli had sent her to the Dementors.

The betrayal had almost cost her her sanity. And she'd sworn to never trust again.

Now, this other man had come into her life, treated her with respect and some admiration, had given her a level of his own trust, and hadn't asked for anything in return. Except trust.

And she had been able to give it freely. That thought scared her.

She hated the idea of choosing between her family and her life. Selene had never once been comfortable with the idea. Her mother, her brothers – they had always been there for her, even if they didn't always agree. But Claudius and she had never agreed where to lay their loyalties. The idea of Voldemort and his corruption of the idea of wizarding superiority sickened her, especially after years at Durham, studying alongside them. But her days in Azkaban repulsed her as well, showing the prejudice towards her kind, and others, that existed in their world.

She could never choose a side. How could she? They both were wrong.

Rising to her feet and stretching, Selene wandered to her kitchen and fixed a cup of tea, needing the warmth in her hands and in her belly. Taking the cup to her bedroom, she changed, slipping her dress over a chair and pulling a nightgown on instead, then crawled beneath her blankets. She held the teacup, sipping and watching the light behind her curtains begin to pale and grow. As the sun rose and her body grew tired, she settled down, the bedding, the pillows, the sheets all not feeling the way she remembered.

Her last thought before sleep consumed her was how they'd never feel right again.


	17. Chapter 17

The incessant tapping on his window finally drilled through his groggy, drunken haze.

Shoving aside tangled blankets, stumbling over the shoes he'd kicked off at some point in the night, Severus threw open his bedroom window, allowing the bird entrance. He took the envelope from its mouth, and watched as it sailed cleanly out again, not even waiting for the usual obligatory treat. Which served well, since he never kept any on hand.

Few were the letters Severus Snape received.

The familiar Hogwarts crest rose from the red wax sealing the parchment, and the sight of it made him groan. Flipping it over, he noticed the usual perfect scrawl of the deputy headmistress was absent, replaced by the short, loopy style of the headmaster himself. This wasn't merely a notice of some kind, or a boring announcement.

_Bloody hell. I'm too hung-over for this._

The insomnia had returned, and he'd tossed and turned in his bed, staring at the ceiling until, at some godforsaken hour, he gave up, storming downstairs, and pulled out the bottle of whiskey. He hadn't been angry enough for vodka, and he hadn't been pleased enough for rum.

And he never, ever, touched tequila anymore.

Ironically, he never had to drink a large amount to find himself in a drunken stupor. Contrary to what his students, and likely fellow faculty, presumed, he had a fairly low tolerance to alcohol. He never could understand how Malfoy managed to drink so much and not kill himself, the few times they actually socialized outside their respective homes. So, for him, a few long, deep swallows of the burning liquid was sufficient.

Instead of returning to his own bed, he stumbled up the stairs to the guest room, flinging himself on his childhood bed, the small, confining room for once being a haven for him. At least in here, he didn't reach over for the feel of another warm body, or breathe in the scent of jasmine all around him. And in here, the incessant dwelling over every word, every action, every mistake of the past few days didn't reach him.

Fuming, he sat down on the bed and opened the seal on the parchment, his eyes scanning the words quickly.

_My office. One hour. I'll have coffee waiting for you._

How did the bastard know he was out of coffee?

A quick shower and a shave, a change of clothing, and several quick charms to straighten his home later, and he found himself ready to finally floo himself back to the school. With a grimace, he stepped into his fireplace, and out into the headmaster's office.

As promised, a rather large mug of coffee was waiting for him.

"Headmaster." With an incline of his head, he settled himself into the chair directly opposite Dumbledore, reaching for the coffee in front of him.

"Severus, would you care to explain to me what Professor Sinistra is doing in her apartments when I clearly instructed you to keep her at your home until further notice?"

"Because she insisted, and frankly, I'm not exactly desiring to have her temper aimed in my direction any more than absolutely necessary."

"Well, I thought her safety would be paramount…"

"Her safety isn't in jeopardy. Her own brother poisoned the wine."

That stopped Dumbledore. He stared across his desk at the younger man. "What?"

_Well, clearly he doesn't know everything._

Severus sank back into the chair, the coffee tasting like ambrosia to him. "I received a visitor last night. Claudius Sinistra, looking for his sister." His black eyes narrowed in bitter anger. "Informing me that I was harboring the sister of one of the inner circle of Death Eaters should have been one of those tidbits of news you provided me with before sending me off to my home with an unconscious vampire in my arms."

"With a name like Sinistra, I would have assumed you would have discussed it already."

"Oh, right. And break that little vow you made me take years ago about not discussing my prior occupation with anyone inside these walls save yourself?"

Dumbledore merely nodded his head slightly. "Excellent point. However, it doesn't explain how Claudius Sinistra found you, nor how you discovered he poisoned his sister's wine. From everything I know of the man, harming Selene would be the farthest thing from his mind."

"Malfoy came to visit me, and Selene made the untimely mistake of coming downstairs. He saw her, they bickered back and forth, and he left, presumably to tell Claudius, because within hours he was on my doorstep." The coffee mug was empty, and with a smug little grin, Dumbledore refilled it with a gesture. Sighing, Severus continued. "So, there I am with the eldest and youngest Sinistra siblings, listening to what is likely an age-old argument between the two, when Claudius lets slip that Selene received the wrong bottle of wine. Turns out Greyback had asked for the wolfsbane wine to take care of a traitor in his midst." His words took a knowing lilt with those last few words.

Dumbledore's eyes grew large. "You don't think…"

Severus shook his head. "It's not Lupin. Greyback would just kill him outright if he knew. My guess is, the need for a subtle death in the pack would indicate a much higher-ranking member of his little gang of flea-ridden sycophants. One whose clear murder would cause him more trouble than its worth to him. Have Lupin do his usual snooping around, he'll likely find the answer."

The headmaster breathed a sigh of relief. "So, knowing that Professor Sinistra's poisoning wasn't malicious doesn't explain you disobeying me."

"I didn't. She made the choice herself. I merely didn't stop her."

"Any particular reason why?"

The black eyes narrowed further. "With all due respect, none I care to share with you."

Now, the blue eyes filled with a slight amusement. "Well, that is an interesting reply indeed."

"Last I knew, private discussions between myself and another professor were still truly private."

Dumbledore waved his hand absently, rising to offer a treat to Fawkes, who clearly had had a burning day recently. "Yes, yes. I meant no insult, Severus. However, what's done is done. Unfortunately, I cannot prevent Professor Umbridge from going to question her on her absence. Nevertheless, rest assured that Professor Sinistra's trip to Alaska for research purposes with an old colleague will be sufficient cause to justify her leave, I believe. She accepted my word, at least, as to your home visit with your Aunt Medusa, so all is well."

With a roll of his eyes, Severus set the mug down and left the office, fuming the entire way to his workroom, determined to work on some random complicated potion.

Perhaps the exactness needed would distract his mind.

* * *

The incessant knocking on her door roused her.

Groaning, Selene wrenched herself from the bedding, snatching her robe from its usual spot, draped over a chair, and slid into it before letting in her visitor.

"Ah, Professor Sinistra. I do hope this isn't an…_inappropriate_ time?"

The high-pitched, clipped tones and the insinuation dripping off Delores Umbridge's voice immediately made her skin crawl. Clutching her robe closed, she took in a deep breath and replied as calmly as possible. "I was sleeping since I'd stayed up late working, but I assume I have a few moments. To what do I owe this visit?"

Without waiting for an invitation, Professor Umbridge led herself into Selene's living room, perching herself on the end of her couch, looking at her expectantly, her creeping eyes taking in closed curtains and the bag still tossed on the floor. "I assume that, before you left on your little trip, that you had received a copy of the Educational Staffing Decree number seventeen?"

Rolling her eyes, Selene tightened the sash of her robe and settled herself into her armchair, shaking her head. "The last such Staffing Decree I remember receiving was, I believe, number sixteen, focusing on topics of research deemed acceptable for Hogwarts professors. So, no, I had not received any number seventeen. Pray tell, what was the contents of that particular decree?"

Umbridge's eyebrows shot up for a moment, then she regained her usual, somehow repulsive, calm. "I believe that Staffing Decree seventeen was scheduled to arrive the morning that you left, therefore you should have received it."

"Ah." Selene smirked at the professor, gaining a bit of pleasure from her distasteful grimace. "See, I left the evening before. Therefore, I would not have received this decree. So, what desperately important information did I miss?"

Umbridge cleared her throat in annoyance at Selene's dismissive attitude. "Hem hem. Educational Staffing Decree Seventeen states that any absences from the school at any point in the academic term requires approval from the High Inquisitor, that is to say, me. Any violations of this decree can result in immediate suspension as deemed necessary by the High Inquisitor, once again, me. Because of this, we need to have a discussion, considering I did not approve your leave." A look of triumph was stretched across her toadlike visage.

It disappeared within seconds.

"Was the Decree retroactive?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Selene leaned forward, talking slowly, enunciating every syllable. "Was the decree retroactive? Did it cover any pre-existing travel plans in the lettering of the document?"

Umbridge shook her head no, once, the motion barely visible.

Selene sat back, smirking again. "Then I fail to see what your approval has to do with anything."

Umbridge narrowed her eyes, giving her the appearance of a constipated frog. "Just because Professor Dumbledore informed me you were conducting observations in Anchorage…"

Selene cut her off immediately. "I have a standing commitment with a colleague who happens to run an observatory in Alaska. Every so often, she happens to have an opening in her schedule, and since it's mostly Muggle astronomers who use her observatory, I need every opportunity to observe that I can grasp. After all, the Northern Lights don't quite reach us here. The cloud cover, you see." Silently, she blessed the headmaster for the prearranged excuse, used any time Selene felt it necessary to sneak away from the school. In all these years, only three times had it been so. "Therefore, when I received her letter, I requested the week from Professor Dumbledore and left. It is not my fault that your Educational Staffing Decree arrived scant hours too late to prevent my leave. However, I will strive to ask your blessing before conducting my Ministry-approved research in future."

The chill of her tone was unmistakable.

Umbridge glared openly at the professor. "I wasn't aware, Professor, that you had such an arrangement. You never mentioned it to me when we discussed your research three weeks ago."

"You never asked."

"I asked you how you conducted your research."

"And I answered you honestly. By observing astronomical phenomena through telescopes, using mathematical logarithms, and interpreting star charts over several hundred years." Selene shrugged nonchalantly. "I would have assumed a professor intelligent and insightful enough to achieve the position of high inquisitor would have been able to logically deduce that not all astronomical events take place above the skies of Great Britain and, therefore, would necessitate occasional trips to observe elsewhere in the world."

Umbridge's voice remained her high-pitched usual volume, but her demeanor grew dark and menacing. "The next time, Professor Sinistra, you even contemplate trying to use semantics with me to get around rules that the Ministry of Magic sets in place in order to ensure the smooth functioning of this school, I will personally ensure you that Ministry officials will be involved in talks with you."

Selene almost growled in time with Galileo, who loudly made her unease known. "And the next time you dare attempt to threaten me, no matter how politely, Inquisitor, do yourself a favor and recall that I am not a citizen of Great Britain, and thus your Ministry officials can no longer touch me. As I recall, that law passed a scant dozen years ago. And I will personally ensure _you_ that the Italian _Ministero__di Magia_ will not give a damn for any number of Educational Staffing Decrees, and any violations of my rights will cause a rather unpleasant diplomatic situation. I am here because it seems that your educational system has short-sightedly ensured that the Astronomy curriculum was neglected for decades, thus necessitating my hiring from another country, and I have worked tirelessly to improve this academic field in your precious school. I would think your Ministry would be appreciative, but clearly you have a limited capacity for appreciating the backgrounds of your colleagues. " Selene rose, striding to her apartment door, throwing it open. "And one more thing, dear Inquisitor. The next time you endeavor to threaten someone, remember this – subtlety is by far not your strong suit. So, perhaps instead of trying to sneak around manners and polite words, you should come out and make it clear you're trying to intimidate someone. Good day."

When she slammed the door behind the wretch of a woman, Selene actually laughed in an odd euphoria of accomplishment.

* * *

Christmas morning dawned brightly, the sun reflecting off the thick snow that covered the castle grounds.

The normally cheery sight only managed to annoy Severus Snape even more than he was already.

Umbridge had managed to disrupt his work the afternoon prior, her usual effeminate personae shoved aside, her attitude curt and sharp. Even though she found nothing at fault with his excuse of visiting the fictionally-ill Great Aunt Medusa, she took the opportunity to make it perfectly clear that his alterations of the new term's curriculum was not, as of yet, on target with Ministry-approved guidelines.

His response hadn't pleased the Napoleonic-driven woman one bit.

_At least you stopped before you told her what, anatomically, she could do with her commentary._

The complicated draught ruined by her ill-timed disruption, he'd stormed out of his workroom in a rage, flying down the halls to his apartment, slamming the door shut with gratification.

Christmas Eve, and all he had to show for it was a ruined potion and a furious disposition.

Blessing the lack of students remaining during these holidays, and the fact that he would, blissfully, be spared any socially-required attendance at a feast or gathering, Severus had showered and fallen asleep, deeply.

Deeply enough that he never heard the house-elf deliver the package.

He held that package now, wrapped in plain paper and twine, wrapped with care but without the usual affectations of color and good cheer. Instead, it was utilitarian, plain, as if the sender loathed the gaudy packaging usually attributed to holiday gifts.

Only one such person in the entire castle fit that logic.

_You know, usually, people open their Christmas gifts fairly quickly, rather than standing in a castle window, holding it for an hour, brooding until they become almost formulaically worthy of a bad Muggle Gothic novel._

He seriously wondered if anyone else had such a loud and articulate conscience.

Untying the twine, he allowed the plain brown paper to drift away, holding a book, a small vial, and a note written in long, precise handwriting.

"_You mentioned once, over coffee, how rare it was our disciplines ever collaborated. Here is proof that, while it is rare, it does occur. I hope this gift finds good use in your research."_

No signature, no badly-scrawled 'Happy Christmas', no wishes of good cheer or shared affection.

It was probably the most perfect gift ever given.

His hand swept over the leather binding, turning the book to read the spine. 'Astronomy and Alchemy – a Shared Science'. Turning pages, he found not only academic discussions of the relationship between the two fields, but some instructions for perfecting existing potions as well as new ones entirely. One page gave him the clue for the identity of the mysterious white powder in the vial that he held absently.

Powdered meteor rock.

Such an ingredient was rarer than unicorn blood. Often, the cost of obtaining the ingredient far outweighed the usefulness and profit of the potion it enhanced. At the last time he had inquired into obtaining some, the cost had been quoted at three hundred galleons a _gram_.

The vial in his hand was worth a small fortune.

_How in bloody hell…?_

_She's an Astronomer. One that does have Muggle connections in her field. Likely, she has sources no one else does._

The gift was beyond belief.

* * *

The sun was setting as she woke again, having slept poorly for the last day or so. Selene stretched, groaning, sitting up in the pile of bedding, turning to stare at Galileo, whose meowing had awoken her from fitful dreams. "Well, happy Christmas to you too."

Galileo rose, revealing a slender, plain-wrapped package on which she'd been perched.

Selene's eyes grew cautious. "What the hell is that?" Getting up from the bed, she reached for it, the scratchy feel of the plain brown paper catching her fingertips. Confused, she pulled it open, slowly.

A piece of paper, with spidery, even writing, faced her.

"_I didn't remember seeing this in your collection. Hopefully I didn't make a judgment in error."_

She shook her head. The terse wording could only come from one person. With the slightest of smiles on her lips, she finished pulling away the paper, gasping in shock.

Homer's 'The Iliad'. In original Greek.

Selene's fingers caressed the cracked leather binding, the pages crisp, yellowed with age. Clearly protected magically against further wear, the book was older than its appearance. She closed her eyes, holding it to her chest as she made her way to her living room, curling on the couch, thoughts going through her mind.

_He got me a gift?_

_Well, didn't you send one as well?_

_That doesn't matter. Mine wasn't this personal. It was a gift from one colleague to another._

_You don't know that. You spent all those days in his home. Did it look as if getting Christmas gifts was a regular occurrence?_

_But when did he find time to get this for me? _

_Maybe he made time before you got sick – same as you did._

The idea made her blush.


	18. Chapter 18

Footsteps crunched under the thick snow, and in the pale moonlight, against the whiteness of the ground, a shadow crept behind his back, growing closer.

The faint wind brought the unseasonable scent of jasmine.

Her voice was low, but it cut through the silence between them. "Please tell me your cloak has quite the warming charm on it."

"It doesn't, actually. After spending most your life in the dungeons, you don't mind the cold so much."

Her feet stopped at a point just slightly behind him, a pace to his left. "I would have thought a Slytherin was far more adept at lying."

"I keep forgetting you're graced with empathy."

"I wouldn't call it grace."

"What would you call it, then?"

"Lamentable."

He actually cringed at the soft pain he heard as she spoke the word. "I never would have thought of it in those terms."

Selene blinked away the tears before they fell, staring at the ripples on the lake near them, watching the squid raise and lower tentacles. "It's hard, being so aware of others in the back of my mind, and yet never being close to anyone."

Severus turned, taking in her heavy expression, the light breeze toying with locks of her hair, left down to hang around her shoulders, black silk sliding across her cheek. The voice in his head urged him relentlessly to change the subject, yelling at him about how thoroughly awkward the current discussion was becoming. "What brings you out here tonight? I thought I was the only one to appreciate the starkness of the lake at midnight."

She schooled her expression to one of vagueness. "I saw you from the tower walk and decided you could use the company."

He managed to hide the stunned sensation that hit him at her words, instead looking away, avoiding her yet again. "I didn't see you at dinner tonight."

"Why didn't you come up to my tower?"

"I didn't want to intrude. You'd made it clear you needed distance."

The lack of accusation in his voice surprised her. "I did. I just needed to think. About everything."

"Understandable. It's been a rather complicated week for you."

"An amazing understatement." Selene sighed. "And before I forget, thank you."

Severus nodded. "So, I take it you opened your gift."

Selene blushed, words coming easier now that the conversation was shifting to a completely neutral and clearly comfortable topic altogether, the tension dissipating with the cold December wind. "I did. How ever did you find it?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I have connections in Muggle bookshops. It's amazing what they can find. And speaking of finding, I do have to ask where you ever found the meteor rock."

A mischievous grin crossed Selene's blue-tinged lips. "Simple. The professor I worked with in university has a connection with someone from the Meteor Institute in New Mexico, and she was able to obtain one for me. For some reason, Muggles manage to get their hands on meteorites far more easily than we do."

"I never would have been able to attain it on my own. I've tried for almost a decade." Severus' voice held a note of appreciative reverence.

Selene smiled. "You're welcome." Rubbing her forearms under her robes and cloak, she nodded. "I should probably leave you to your solitude. I shouldn't have intruded. Forgive me."

His hand snaked out to catch her arm as she turned, his black eyes lit by moonlight. "I never said you had to go."

Selene gave him a look that was completely unreadable. "Severus, I might spend hours every night I can outside with a telescope, but it doesn't make me entirely immune to the cold."

His eyes grew heavy with guilt. "Would you care to join me for coffee, then?"

"I wondered when you were going to come around and ask me." Her voice teased him as he glared slightly, then silently led her back into the castle and to his dungeon apartments.

All commentary about cold dungeons seemed deceptive. A warm fire lit the main room, orange light flickering off stone walls, bare and unornamented. Shelves lined one entire wall, filled with books of various titles and bindings, some which she recognized as books she herself cherished. As he'd once promised on a night that seemed like a lifetime ago, his collection was rather intriguing, and a corner of her mind began making a list of ones to request for lending later on in the year. A cracked leather couch and chair filled the small room, the coffee table littered with even more books.

It was exactly as she imagined his apartments would be.

Waving his hand to the couch, he strode to the small kitchen, producing two mugs and a pot of coffee, bringing it to her. "This should warm you."

The scent of the coffee reached her nose, and she took a deep swallow immediately. "Oh havens, this is brilliant. Where do you get your coffee? I can't ever find any that is quite this rich."

Severus actually chuckled slightly. "Russia, actually. I order it from a small village I visited a dozen years ago."

"It's heaven in a cup."

"I'm flattered."

Selene stared at him for a solid minute, sinking further into the couch, holding the mug in her hands, an unreadable, odd faraway look in her deep brown eyes, making Severus slightly uneasy. "What is it?"

She blinked, looking down for a moment. "I'm starting to wonder if my brother wasn't right about you after all."

"Excuse me?"

Selene set the mug down on the one bare spot she managed to find on the table. "You're not like Claudius. Or Lucius. Or practically any of the idiots with masks that paraded their way through the villa when I lived at home. You're intellectual. You're quiet and subdued. You're contemplative. Even now, you're not holding some ulterior motive around yourself, pretending to be something you're not. I never actually saw it before, but now that I know what to look for, I see you were putting on far more airs around Lucius than you ever have with me." Her body leaned forward, her eyes searching his, and he felt this overwhelming sense that she was peering far deeper than he wanted to ever allow someone to look into his soul. "I just don't see how you can truly be the kind of man my brother has become, and still be so quietly moralistic."

Severus swallowed hard. _Careful, lad. She's getting too close._ "Maybe I'm just lucky."

"Somehow, I don't see luck as playing such a strong role in your life."

"Perhaps."

_And once again, lovely work, Selene. Let's keep making this awkward and complicated._

She rose seamlessly to her feet. "I should probably go, let you enjoy the rest of your evening. Besides, I forgot to feed Galileo. She's temperamental. Likely to destroy the couch if I don't…"

_Don't let her go, lad. Not unless you enjoy this empty silence..._

Before she finished her words, a pair of fingers stopped her, resting against her lips, black eyes staring down at her, not quite sure when he stood up. "Your pet is resourceful. I'm sure she'll find a way to find her own meal. Besides, I don't want you to leave."

Despite the drowsy heat from the fireplace, a shiver went through Selene at the simple words, dripping with honesty.

* * *

Her eyes narrowed darkly as she was joined at the table at the Three Broomsticks. "I can't believe you talked me into this, Claudius."

Her brother reached across the table for her hand, the skin chilled from her long walk from the school to the small village, his words lapsing back into the more-familiar Italian of their youth. "Selene, please. You are still my sister. Why can't we talk about everything?"

She sighed in reply, following suit and speaking in a language that has, over time, grown almost alien to her. "I'm tired of this all, Claudius. Alright? I get to a place where I can almost completely forget about this war and that thing on your arm and that retched prison they sent me to, and then someone or something happens to bring it all back. I don't want to think, I don't want to know, and I don't want to choose. I just don't."

"We must all choose in the end, Selene." Claudius' words hung for a moment, as if a portent of some future doom. "It will come, sooner than you think. Everyone has assumed this is the end, when in reality it is merely the calm breeze that comes before the heavy rains. Prepare yourself and save your crop, or grow content and safe and watch them be destroyed."

"Only you would make a metaphor of war out of the damned vineyard."

"I never understood why you loathed the vineyard so much, Selene."

The look she shot him was heavy with unspoken anger. "It's easier to hate than it is to accept what you can never have."

Her brother's eyes grew sympathetic. "I am sorry, little sister. I really am. Life has not been fair to you."

"At least I've had a life."

"What does that mean?"

Selene leaned forward, her eyes sweeping the room to seek out anyone who might be hearing the conversation, despite the foreign tongue. "You sold yourself years ago to that creature, and you haven't truly lived since that night."

"I did this for you! For Mama! Who was going to keep you both safe?"

"I didn't need protection. You broke Mama's heart. And for what, Claudius? So you could bring in more soldiers for that snake every time one died, or worse, found their way to that prison of theirs? To slip poison into wine and kill people you don't even know? To never be able to so much as breathe without another's permission? What kind of life is that? Just answer that."

Claudius' entire body seemed to sag with the weight of his sister's words. "A life that our father rejected. He should have been the one to keep you safe, to keep our mother protected. Not run off because he thinks his child is a monster."

"That's something for Mama and I to cope with, Claudius. Not you."

"Doesn't matter, Selene." The older man played with the signet ring on his right hand, a blood-red ruby set in gold. "I didn't come here to argue about the past."

"Why did you drag me out here, then?"

"I need an answer to a question."

"And you couldn't have just asked in your letter?"

"I needed to see the truth for myself."

Selene sighed, a dark, almost jealous emotion pushing his words to her. She had a faint idea where this was going. "Fine. Ask."

"What is your relationship to the traitor?"

Her eyebrows rose at his words. "I'm not quite sure to whom you refer, brother dear."

"Don't play coy with me, _sorellina_. Snape. What is your relationship to him?"

She groaned. "Bloody hell, Claudius. Where has this come from?"

"Don't sidestep me, Selene. He holds favor in my Lord's eyes by the narrowest of threads, and most of us trust him about as much as we would trust a muggle. So, don't pretend and don't lie. I need the answer."

_And this is why I never go home any more than necessary…_

"We teach in the same building."

"Don't lie to me, _sorellina._ I was there, in his worthless little house. I saw the way he defended you. Now, I'll ask you again, what is your relationship to him?"

Selene braced herself for the inevitable explosion. "Perhaps it's not as professional as I would like the world to believe."

Claudius narrowed his eyes. "Are you two…"

The table shook as she slammed her hand down, flat, on the wood, eyes burning, almost baring her fangs, completely oblivious to the other patrons around them. "None of your concern, Claudius. Leave it be."

"Selene, don't be a fool!" Claudius' voice was low, hissing his words to her, aggressive and forceful. "Didn't you hear me before? His life is forfeit, one way or another. If I am wrong and he is still a faithful follower, then do you honestly believe he won't be a target for those blind blood traitors? If he truly is loyal to that idiot man who you work for, my Lord will have him killed. Either way, Selene, this will end badly if you don't stop this insanity. Walk away from him. Now."

Her teeth ground as she clenched her jaw. "I don't give a damn which side he's on. I'm not choosing…"

"Selene! Gods above and below, don't you understand? Have you not heard a damn thing I've said? You will choose. Someday, you'll have no choice. We all have to choose. If you don't, you'll lose."

She rose, pushing herself from the table, eyes narrowed, fighting for composure. "Leave Severus be. Stop trying to live my life for me. Get it through your head now, Claudius. Neither your lord nor my employer have it right yet, and until someone does, I won't choose. I'm not idealistic like some of these zealots, but I'm not giving up on hope."

As she walked away, Claudius' voice stopped her. "Hope for what, _sorellina_?"

Selene's heavy brown eyes turned to him, haunted and filled with bitter pain. "Hope that someday, I won't have to hide in a tower."

Neither brother nor sister noticed the black-cloaked man sitting two tables away, downing another shot of whiskey, a headache growing between black eyes at the strain of listening and translating the frantic Italian.

_This complicates everything…_

_

* * *

_

The cough from the doorway made Severus' head jerk up, and a pair of blue eyes that seemed to not twinkle as brightly as usual, came into view over a haze of fumes from a cauldron.

"Yes, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore closed the door, walking closer to his potions master and his work. "An interesting color of potion, to be sure. I never would have imagined you to create something that vividly pink." At Snape's dark stare, he coughed again, slightly. "I have a conversation to bring up to you, Severus, and a request."

Somehow, the tone of voice told him he wouldn't enjoy either. "Which would you like to bring up first, Headmaster?"

"Selene Sinistra."

Severus groaned. "What about her?"

Dumbledore chose his words carefully. "You can pretend to myself and the rest of the school, but there's clearly something there with the pair of you." He held a hand up to stop the argumentative stream of words inevitably about to come from the younger man. "Frankly, I have no personal opinion on the matter."

The word choice made Severus immediately go on guard. "Personal opinion?"

Dumbledore nodded. "I worry about how such a relationship could affect or alter certain commitments you've made over the last fourteen years."

"I don't plan to become her brother's best friend any time soon, if that's what you're alluding to."

"I didn't say that. However, having a relationship with someone as noncommittal as Selene could affect your judgment. That concerns me."

An eyebrow quirked up. "Noncommittal?"

"She hasn't chosen which side of the debate she supports."

Severus slammed down the stirring rod he'd been using on his potion recipe. "Can you blame her? She told me, Headmaster, about being locked away in Azkaban. We both know I can relate to that experience, but to be tortured, interrogated, just because she had the misfortune to be born as a _moroii_? Frankly, I wouldn't blame her if she took the damn mark herself. However, she's too ethical. She'd never be able to bear the burden."

_Now, if only you'd been as ethical the other night._

_Shut up!_

_Eavesdropping never gained anyone anything desirable. You should know that by now._

_I said..._

"Exactly." Dumbledore's eyes shone with regret. "Our world isn't perfect, Severus. But it will never be as long as people who have been wronged do nothing. She didn't deserve those days, but it doesn't absolve her to hide behind this curtain of familial obligations and personal ethical arguments."

"And you're worried her ethics could prevent me from my usual fetching of certain pieces of information for you."

"I wouldn't put it quite that way."

"It's the most logical deduction of your words, with all respect."

Dumbledore sighed. "Perhaps. However, as long as Selene doesn't know the truth about you, it puts you in risk. If not from discovery, then from your own feelings."

"Are you ordering me to stop socializing with Professor Sinistra?"

Dumbledore waved his hand. "No. It's actually refreshing to know you're finally rediscovering a piece of your humanity. I merely ask that you consider the potential consequences of your relationship with her. That's all."

Severus fought to control his temper. "And your request?"

The old man's shoulders sagged. "I need you to teach Occlumency to a particular student."

Immediately, trepidation filled Severus Snape. "I assume you mean Potter."

The white-haired man nodded.

An hour later, Dumbledore left the dungeon room, leaving in his wake a rather irate, unhappy, and fuming potions master, a slight smile on his lips as the cursing and blistering voice followed him down the hall.


	19. Chapter 19

_How in Avalon did this become so uncomplicated?_

Selene curled herself in the oversized chair in his bedroom, dawn scant minutes away. Exhausted, yet unable to sleep, she'd slipped along seven floors of classrooms and offices, opening his door, walking in as if she lived there herself. Over several weeks, this had become a way of life for both of them, silently agreeing to the arrangement. Some nights, she'd leave her tower to find him waiting her in her rooms, others she crept down to the dungeons.

Never once did it occur to either of them to ask the other's permission.

He turned in his sleep, in a manner that had become as familiar as anything she could recall. He only moved when he was close to waking – a habit she herself shared. Hers was force – Galileo made it clear that she preferred her sleep undisturbed, thank you very much. Most times, she wouldn't have thought twice about slipping into the bed with him, the air in the room often chilly. This morning, however, she stopped herself, settling in the wing chair, pulling a spare blanket around her, and watched him sleep.

She loved the moments just before dawn, where she could let her mind wander, thinking about anything and everything imaginable. It was her time, where he would be sleeping, getting those precious last moments of rest, while she would either curl beside him or pull away without feeling obligated to share her thoughts. It was blissful, either way. Comfortable. Safe.

The mornings when she was alone, however, bothered her. They weren't often anymore, but when they occurred, she found herself unable to sleep. It was as if there was a feeling of dread in the air, something she couldn't quite name. It always bothered her, because those moments came without explanation or warning.

And then his eyes the next day, always guarded and hidden. Those were the moments that made her doubt everything. It was as if there was some side to him he would never let her see, some secret he couldn't ever tell. She hated it, even though she understood it all too well.

Severus' eyes opened, the sensation of another person in the room pulling at him, turning in the bed to stare at her, her shoes on the floor beside the chair, her toes peeking out from under the blanket. How she managed to curl up quite like that baffled him. "What the devil are you doing?"

"Thinking."

Some days, she was a complete enigma to him.

"About what?"

Selene searched the room with her eyes, debating with herself.

_Do I tell him what I was really thinking? Do I tell him how I hate knowing he still hides from me? Do I ask him where he goes, who he sees, what he does? _

The fabricated query came to her lips before she'd answered herself. "Who was she?"

The question came out of nowhere. "Who was who?"

Selene nodded toward a shelf on the wall, tucked away, a crystal vase holding a black rose, almost hidden from view. "The rose. Who was she?"

He glared at her. "You're sitting in my chair in my bedroom wondering who gave me a flower?"

She nodded. He sighed. "This is one of those times where you're not going to allow me to be vague, isn't it?"

Selene gave him a look. "With all due respect, no, not really. You made me tell you about Anatoli."

"That's different. You were screaming in your sleep again."

"And you've got a flower in a vase in your bedroom. Doesn't that beg the question?"

Severus groaned, sitting up, rubbing his face. "Can't you ask questions like these when I've had coffee or a shower?" Sighing deeply, he stared across the distance at her, surprising even himself as he gave her the truth, bluntly and without embellishment. "She's someone who I broke a promise to when I was eighteen. And I haven't forgiven myself for it, yet."

"She must have been special, for you to not have forgiven yourself in all these years."

The words physically hurt him as he spoke them, his stomach twisting into the familiar knot. "She was. I didn't deserve her."

Selene closed her eyes, hiding her face behind a curtain of black hair, the question hanging unasked in the air.

_Do I deserve you?_

Neither could answer that question as long as neither asked it. Instead, in silent agreement, he rose to begin his day and she left for her tower, for what sleep she'd be able to fetch as the sun rose high.

* * *

Blood dripped from his hand, the cut deep, seeping through the gauze hastily wrapped around it. There'd been no time to heal it, to do a simple spell, and now he was far too exhausted to light a single candle, let alone stop the blood from trickling to the floor. 

This was quickly becoming far more than he'd ever anticipated.

The deed was done, the dominoes were beginning to fall just as Dumbledore wanted. It was his own stupidity that had made him forget about the guardpets that Crabbe had raised over the years. One had gored him, sight unseen. Hence all the damn blood.

There was no moon tonight. Which had made this entire idiotic stunt plausible, in Dumbledore's eyes, but caused one major worry for him. Selene. What does an Astronomer study when clouds cover what little light there is in the sky?

_She deserves to know the truth._

_I can't tell her, though. I can't tell anyone. I swore…_

_She'll find out someday. She's not blind. _

_She doesn't deserve to know. She doesn't need that knowledge. To know what I do…_

_She doesn't deserve to worry in ignorance, either._

His conscience seemed to be growing louder with every evening spent with Selene.

Groaning, Severus found his way to his bathroom, unwinding his hand, snatching a flask of antiseptic and pouring it liberally over the wound, purple foam closing the cut completely. The sensation was like dipping his hand in boiling salt water, but at least it cured whatever poison was lingering in the wound, and it would heal within hours. With one hand, he worked the clasp of his robes and the buttons on the black frock coat, peeling the sweat-and-blood covered clothing away with a grimace of distaste. Shedding clothing with every step, he entered his bedroom.

And found he wasn't alone.

Wrapped in blankets, Selene slept, the candles in the sconces guttering. Her copy of 'The Iliad' sat on the bedside table, and her body was curled tightly.

Guilt hit him at the sight.

_It's not the first time you've found her in your rooms. Besides, how often has she come home to find a similar sight?_

But that was different. Selene was always in her tower. Not out of the country, not risking her life, not spying and lying and manipulating others.

Selene never came home bleeding.

Silently, he knelt by the bed, watching her deep, even breathing. In sleep, Selene lost the guardedness that she kept around herself instinctively. There was no fear to smile too wide, to let someone see the fangs, to let her sleeve ride up just a bit too far to show puncture wounds. Even after these weeks, she still winced if he happened to touch the marks, to graze them slightly. She guarded herself completely.

Just as he did himself.

He hated letting his guard down, for letting this woman get to him, under his skin. It worried him, made him acutely aware of his usual loneliness. The very thing that had kept him safe for all these years was also slowly suffocating him, and Selene made him face that realization. There was a quiet strength to her, a calm passion to her words and thoughts, that appealed to him. He hated that. Letting her in meant that someday, she'd find out where he went and what he did on these random nights. Letting her know was more of a risk than he wanted to take. She'd made it clear she wouldn't choose sides. How to tell her he'd made such a choice, just as her brother had? How to not tell her, knowing someday it would inevitably come up?

He brushed aside a lock of hair covering her eyes, the peace of the moment hitting him hard. How rare were such moments in his world.

And as the saying went, all good things must come to an end.

With a heavy sigh, Severus Snape left the woman sleeping in his bed, unable to sleep, his conscience and his own burdens twisting his gut, keeping him wide awake despite the lateness of the hour.

* * *

For days, a twisting behind Selene's chest had grown, from a tiny twinge into an undeniable pain. It was as if her heart was trying to tell her something that her mind kept pushing away, denying, refusing to see, hear, or speak aloud for fear that the words would come true. But now, with a warm breeze trying to come over the castle, still dusted with snow from winter's last rout, she finally had no choice but to reflect and determine what was truth and what was not. Otherwise, the twisting would continue, unabated, until it drove her mad. 

He was hiding something from her.

Standing on the lookout from her observatory, Selene watched the tops of barren trees move with the wind, blackness barely driven away by moonlight. Her observations were done, and he was likely waiting in her rooms for her, as was customary. But she couldn't face him. Not now, not yet.

_What could he be hiding from me?_

_How are you so sure he's hiding anything?_

_Empathy. It's not clear, but whenever I'm around him, I just feel an imbalance. A shadow. A darkness behind his words. He's lying, keeping something from me. _

_He hides from everyone._

_It's not the same. He's deliberately holding something from me. Something he doesn't like hiding from me. I can feel the debate inside his mind._

_Then you have a choice. Ask him or ignore it._

_But it hurts to ignore…_

_Then you have your answer._

Sighing dramatically, Selene glared into the darkness, stepping back into the tower. Closing doors and windows, she blew out the candles and left the observatory behind, locking the door behind her. With heavy thoughts on her shoulders, she carefully made her way down the winding stone staircase.

Voices in a dark corridor between her observatory and the next floor made her duck behind a stone statue.

"She's already involved, Severus. You can't pretend otherwise."

"Headmaster, you have lectured me for years upon years that I need to move on with my life. I attempt to finally abide by your request, and you insist on dictating how I go about doing so."

"Last I recall, Severus, all I made comment on was that someday, sooner or later, Selene would discover this little secret of yours. Whether she learns from you directly, or some twist of fate, it will happen. Wouldn't you rather control that situation?"

Selene held her breath.

"Selene has enough to cope with, right now." Severus narrowed his eyes, his fists clenched. "You know her beliefs. Morals and ethics. We've both heard her stance on this. I refuse to put her directly in the middle of that quandary."

Dumbledore let out a deep, weighted sigh. "She needs to be swayed…"

A loud thunder came from the normally reserved man. "Then you sway her! I played with one woman's heart. I'll be damned if I ever do it again!"

Silence echoed loudly between the two men. Selene swore her heart beat audibly. Emotions thundered in the air around the two men. Anger. Regret. Respect. Frustration. Rage. Exhaustion. She couldn't separate them all out, and her mind spun rapidly, the air thick with hostility.

"I've tried to sway her. I've tried to bring her to reason. Severus, you know her better than anyone outside of her family. She'll never see reason as long as she believes she's protecting Claudius."

"Then let her live without reason. She's not your puppet. Leave her be."

"I won't let this war end badly."

"Last I understood, it was out of your hands."

Both men stared at each other, neither speaking, before footsteps fell against the staircase, some of the jumbled emotions leaving with the headmaster. Pushing herself away from her hiding place, Selene stepped tentatively from the shadows, her voice shaking. "So, this is your big secret?"

Severus paled. "I had hoped you were still observing."

She shook her head, black locks slipping from the chignon to wisp around her face, shadowing her cheekbones. "I finished early. Thought we could share breakfast. Wasn't aware I would interrupt…"

"You didn't." Severus kept his eyes downcast, hidden, his usual guarded stance surrounding him again. "I never even knew you were there."

Selene took a deep breath. "So. This is what you've been hiding all these weeks. My brother was right about you. You are a traitor to his side."

He groaned, wanting nothing else in the world more than to punch a wall or kick something. "It's not exactly like that."

"I don't care, Severus. You could be a Death Eater or you could not. I. Don't. Care." Selene's sudden vehemence surprised both speaker and listener. "I've told you this before, damn it all. I won't choose, and I won't suddenly hate you just because you have chosen. It's your life, not mine. I don't have the right to be angry with you for doing what you wish."

Severus finally lifted his eyes, searching for her, shadows filling the space behind her. "I had to choose, Selene. If I hadn't…"

Her hand went up, silencing him with the gesture. "I said you don't have to justify it to me, Severus. I meant it." Wearily, she began making her way to her apartment, walking past him.

His hand reached out, catching her arm, causing her to turn and face him. "Don't, Selene."

"Don't what?"

"Don't just walk away like this."

"I'm not, Severus." Selene's patience had found its limit. "Contrary to your belief, the world is not clear-cut, one side or the other. Some people can see past the boundaries and actually make their own decisions. End of story. I'm not angry because you're clearly who I was warned you were. I'm angry you couldn't tell me, that I found out by eavesdropping. So, if this is something you want to keep talking about, you know where to find me."

He stared in shock as she stormed away.

Within minutes, he knocked at her door.

Selene opened the door without a word, wine glass in hand, Galileo growling from the couch.

"I'm sorry."

Silently, she let him in.

The door shut behind him, and with it, the dam keeping the secrets in finally broke. "Your brother was more right than even he knows, Selene. I've been playing both sides since the first war."

Selene's voice carried waves of accusation. "And Dumbledore now wants you to convince me to do the same thing. Play both sides."

Her eyes made him flinch. "I told him I won't."

"So I heard."

"I can't tell you what to do anymore than you can tell me, Selene. Any more than _you_ would tell_ me_ how to live."

Her need for answers outweighed her concerns for his privacy. "And if I don't do the same? What if I ran to Claudius right now and told him?"

A long pause was broken by a prolonged breath. "Then I'd be in danger. Claudius would tell the Lord. My life would be over. I don't know if even Dumbledore could save me. Or would. Sacrificing me would be a small price to pay for saving the Order."

Selene blinked her eyes, refusing to allow him to see the tears. "Why? Just…why?"

"Why what?" Fear made the words echo harshly.

"Why did you say what you said? To Dumbledore? About refusing to sway me?"

Relief hit him hard. Of all the questions possible, that was the least of his worries. "Because I won't. You've made it clear that you have your own reasons, very strong ones, for staying neutral. I've seen you after talking to Claudius, or reading a letter from home. I can well imagine what Dumbledore's said to try and make you choose. I won't do it, Selene. I won't break your trust that way."

"Like you broke her trust?"

He felt himself jerk. "Why do you keep bringing her up?"

Selene's voice trembled. "Because you bring her up, Severus. I don't even know her name, and still this memory of a girl you haven't seen since you were eighteen still shadows everything you say or do outside of your classroom. You never talk about her, you never even say her name, and yet I know damn well you think about her constantly. Every time you keep something from me, every time you hide from me, every time you let some tiny secret out, she's there, inside the back of your thoughts. I can feel her, Severus. And I don't care about that. We both have pasts. Circe's breath, we both know Anatoli's memory still keeps me awake at times, just knowing he tried to break me into some unrecognizable, twisted representation of myself. But this girl… she's more. She represents something to you. Something more than I ever will."

_She has a point. Several, in fact._

_This isn't the best time for a running commentary from the voice in my head._

Severus' voice was almost strangled. "Her name was Desdemona. Or is. For all I know, she's dead. I don't know. But yes, I lied to her. I broke her heart, and her trust, with this damned thing on my arm. And every time Dumbledore asks me to betray your brother and his kind, I pray to every God ever imagined that, somehow, it makes up in some tiny way for what I did to her."

Selene swallowed hard, feeling the barriers fall completely, for the first time not having the twisting of her instincts telling her he hid behind nuance and shaded interpretations. "I'm sorry. I never knew."

"I never told anyone about her."

Selene set the wine glass down, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'll never tell Claudius. All I ask is that you don't push me into a decision."

He nodded. "Fair. But someday, Selene, you may not have a choice."

The words echoed Claudius' far too closely. "I know that. But right now, neither side is right. One side wants to kill all the muggles and the mudbloods and Merlin knows who else. The other side claims to want peace and understanding, but will seek out dark corruption with the zealousness of any dark wizard. I've seen the bad of both worlds, and both sides have logical arguments. My brother is obsessive, but he began walking that path out of familial responsibility and love. I can't condemn that any more can I condemn you for working to undo a lifelong regret."

Severus nodded. "And therein lies the dilemma."

All Selene could do was agree.

As sunrise came, the pair remained at their impasse, still desperate for the other's company, both unsure of what words to next bring to life.


	20. Chapter 20

Owls flew in and out of Selene's apartments so often over the next several weeks that a few students began secretly calling it 'the second owlery'.

Letters arrived almost daily from Claudius, beseeching his sister to rethink her stance, hinting at a change on the wind without ever declaring it thusly. Hints were dropped about his lord's growing strength, both in health and in followers, and how the chances to change her mind were dwindling. On the heels of those owls were ones sent from a less vexing brother – the enigmatic Julius, who always put Selene at ease. His were always straightforward: 'Don't listen to Claudius, Mama's sick of his rantings, just come home for a weekend, we miss you.'

Other letters came as well. Some from schoolfriends from Durmstrang, inquiring about her life in such a manner as to be almost attempting to uncover hidden truths. Almost entirely likely they were influenced by Claudius or someone close to him. A few from old, trusted colleagues, especially Professor Coulter, who still taught at Durham. Hers scared Selene. They hinted at dark wizardry aimed at Muggles, the very beginnings of the war creeping closer, all being carefully silenced by the Ministry. The latest letter, still in her shaking hand, attested to that fact.

_And Severus wonders why I can't decide. How does one choose between shadow and shade? Aren't they both, essentially, the same?_

_Not always. Shadow doesn't cool. Shade doesn't hide._

_Some days, I wonder if I shouldn't just run away and hide where no witch or wizard could find me._

_Yes, do that. I hear Siberia's lovely this time of year._

Her conscience never gave her solace these days.

Sunlight began to peek through the curtains, and Selene felt the back of her hand begin to redden and hurt. With an angry admonishment to herself for being forgetful, she pulled back, a flick of her wrist drawing the curtains closed more tightly.

"How badly is it burned?"

By now, she was used to the voice in the room this early in the morning. It seemed to be their destiny – just as she retired, he rose for his day. This was the third time this week alone she'd managed to give herself a sunburn from standing too close to the windows, her mind adrift in thoughts, at sunrise. All three times, he'd asked that question, never once admonishing or repulsed, just matter of factly asking the extent of her recent injury.

Selene shrugged, holding her hand out to him, the other pulling back the sleeve of her nightdress. "It hurts, but it's not peeling."

Severus shook his head at her. Without a word, he reached for a small jar he'd discretely left at her bedside the first morning this had happened in his presence. Taking the jar, he spread the salve over the back of her hand, the skin repairing itself almost instantly. "Get some sleep. You're exhausted."

Selene rolled her eyes. "Sleep isn't easy these days."

He laid a kiss on her forehead in reply. "I know. Try anyway. I'll see you after your evening classes."

She sat down on the rumpled bedding as he quickly and efficiently dressed, black frock coats and robes hanging in a closet filled with midnight blue and dark metallic grey. Yet another silent reminder to her of the unspoken accord between the two of them. So many things were left unsaid, so many decisions left unmade. It bothered her, deep down, but at the same time the knowledge that he was still there, that something was still constant and undemanding comforted her. Life was chaotic enough without having to answer such trivial queries as 'is it alright to leave a change of attire here?' Besides, a set of her own robes hung in the dungeon apartments as well.

As he swept out of the apartments, leaving her behind to curl into her blankets, Galileo running to jump up and stretch beside her, Selene had the same last thought before sleep that she'd had every morning for almost a month now.

_What do I say when I tell him I've chosen?_

The problem was, she never knew which 'him' she meant.

* * *

He swept down staircases quickly, making his way to the Hall before the passageways were filled with students and other faculty. Nothing would have vexed him more than having to explain to McGonagall what he was doing away from the Dungeons so early in the day. 

_Especially since her new-found hobby seems to be asking intrusive questions about Selene and I. Besides 'how many ways can we tell Umbridge to bugger off without actually saying it', of course._

Exhaustion filled him, and at that moment, he would have sold every book he owned for coffee and the day off.

Sleep hadn't been terribly constant the last several weeks. When he wasn't playing one side of the war's errand boy, he played the other. When he wasn't doing that, he was with Selene, spending what precious time he could before hell completely unleashed its fury on their world. And half of his time spent with her was listening to her rage about the persistence of both sides trying to pull her in their directions.

They no longer mentioned the Order. Ever. It was as if anathema.

Breakfast was never a loud or boisterous meal, thank Merlin and Morgan both. The students slowly filed in, yawning widely, trying to study or finish homework, or didn't even bother to come at all. All in all, the best hours of the day for him in regards to the juveniles in attendance. Taking only enough toast to tide him over, and drinking several cups of coffee, he left the students and other faculty behind, immediately spiraling down staircases to the dungeons, planning to throw himself into his work in order to focus his mind for the day.

He'd spent part of the evening before meeting with Dumbledore, revealing the latest bits and remnants of information he'd gleaned from a rather boisterous drinking session with Crabbe and Goyle. The two might be moronic rejects from early evolutionary processes, but ply them with enough firewhiskey and they talk as freely as Trelawney. The rest of the evening was spent in Selene's apartments, the pair of them silent as they graded essays before he crept into her bed.

She hadn't joined him until an hour before dawn.

He understood. If only because of the vampiricism, Selene wouldn't be able to sleep at night. But the letters were never kept secret. Severus knew what was written on parchment that flew in her bedroom window every morning. He knew the pressure she felt from family, from old schoolmates, from himself. He stopped bringing it up to her, out of respect. Selene didn't need the added pressure.

Neither did he.

The meeting with Dumbledore had ended with another debate about his unwillingness to twist Selene to join their side. To push her meant to push her away.

He'd done that once. He refused to do it again.

* * *

The tension was growing. Dumbledore had vanished, Umbridge had placed herself in control over the school. Severus grew more guarded than before. The mark on his arm rarely gave him an evening's peace, burning and twisting, beckoning him to the side of a madman.

The last time he'd been able to slip from the castle, it was not only the Dark Lord who demanded a word.

"Sinistra." The name was spoken with disdain and a practiced boredom.

Claudius Sinistra glared at the younger man before him. "My sister knows not of what we speak. You will keep it that way."

"I hardly intend to go running to her with this amazing tale."

"If I were you, I would not be so flippant. Regardless of our Lord's impressions, I don't believe in your loyalty."

"That's nice. What do you want from me? Your sister grows anxious when I don't return before dawn." The dig was intentional, stressing their tenuous connection. It was childish, to say the least, but it gave him a little more sure footing.

Claudius' eyes narrowed tightly. "Selene would be wise to let go of her stubborn pride and walk away from this odd fascination she has with you."

"I, for one, would never doubt Selene's intellect. You, on the other hand, used to bully her about it, if I recall the tale."

"I didn't pull you aside for such nonsense." Claudius bent his head forward, his eyes narrowed tightly. "You heard the Dark Lord's plans tonight. You know what is about to occur." Severus nodded silently. Claudius' voice grew more guarded. "Selene will be in danger when such plans come to action. Again, her stubborn pride. She wants to cloak herself in neutrality and anonymity, and she refuses to see that cannot continue much longer."

"If you're asking me to influence her, forget it." Snape's voice grew cold, and his mind reeled. Why did everyone seek to turn her into some sort of pawn for their own intentions? No wonder Selene avoided discussions of the war. "Like hell will I try to push her into one decision or another. She has her reasons…"

"Her reasons are idealistic!" The hissing sound slurred the words, and the accent grew heavier. "I don't give a damn which side she truly is on. I just want her out of that damned castle."

For the first time, Claudius Sinistra let down some of the arrogant barrier that surrounded him, and showed a true human emotion.

Fear.

"I assume all those owls you've sent your sister have made that desire abundantly clear."

A low growl came from Claudius' throat. "She seems to listen to you more these days than her own family. And although that level of trust in you seems unfounded and dangerous, I need you to help persuade her to at least listen to me in this matter."

"What do you want me to do?"

Claudius reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box. "Just give her this. She'll understand." As soon as Severus had taken it, he turned on his heel, storming off to join a knot of conversation with other similarly-cloaked treacherous men.

An hour later, he stood in his own apartments, handing the box to Selene.

"My brother actually spoke to you? Without raised voices?" She sounded as disbelieving as she felt.

He nodded. "All he asked was that I give you that package. He refused to comment further. Apparently, he still dislikes our arrangement."

Selene winced slightly, hiding the involuntary action by turning at the last possible second. 'Arrangement'. The word seemed to completely and correctly describe their current situation. She needed to stop fooling herself. This wasn't about love or affection, or even a relationship. Those words never were spoken, and it often felt as if any chance to speak of them had passed. Perhaps they might have come to be said aloud, if they'd remained even a day or two longer at the small house in which he'd cared for her. But now?

_Stone walls hide more than just the school, these days. _

It still broke her heart, how she'd never trust herself to admit the confusing feelings she felt inside. Nor would he be able to confess to her; the mixture of thoughts that came from him told her that. Two grown wizards, both easily in their thirties, and neither could simply say 'I care about you'.

_If this is the way we are today, what happens when tomorrow comes?_

Severus caught the look in her eyes, a feeling of total awkwardness coming over him. She had that look in her eyes. The same one she seemed to have so often these days. It was that haunted sadness, that catch of darkness and twisting confusion that hid in the back of her eyes, in her guarded posturing. It was in the way she curled in on herself when she thought he was asleep, or the rigid hold of her back when she sat in the Great Hall.

He had no idea what to do to alleviate it.

_She's scared to trust you._

_As well she should be. I wouldn't trust me if I were her._

_You always say that. But you never tell her how you feel._

_That's because I don't know how I feel. How can I tell her if I love her or not when I don't even believe I do?_

_You're holding on to a memory so tightly it'll break you in half if you let it._

_But that memory was so different than this. Desi felt so easily. Selene complicates everything past usefulness._

_Desi was also a girl. Selene's a woman. One who has never had an easy life. She's lived in the shadows for most her years. Can you blame her for complicating things?_

_Desi gave me everything. What does Selene give me besides silence?_

_Companionship, for starts._

_I just don't understand how she just can't tell me things. Desi could…_

_If all you ever plan to do is compare one to the other, she'll never give you anything. You utterly stupid wizard. _

Selene sat down on the leather couch, her fingers quickly opening the box. The necklaces inside didn't surprise her at all. If she'd given it more thought, she would have guessed this is what would be inside.

Two rubies caught in gold. One on one chain, one on the other. One already pulsing with a shimmer of power, the other plain.

_Sanguini _charms.

Severus leaned forward, staring. "A birthday gift I wasn't aware of?"

Brown eyes narrowed, and a hint of annoyance shot through her. "My birthday isn't until June. It's…something else." That tone of voice made him back away slowly, withdrawing from her, retreating behind his walls. That retreat annoyed Selene even more than before.

"I need to be alone for a while."

Severus nodded in understanding.

Moments later, Selene was standing in her tower, under moonlight.

_Damn you, Claudius._

Fastening one necklace around her neck, Selene held the other jewel up to the moonlight. Her sleeve slid down her arm, baring the familiar puncture marks to her. With a grimace, she bit into her arm, blood trickling down to her elbow. Instead of feeding, however, she trailed the ruby through it before reciting Latin words, the translation pounding through her mind.

"Blood calls to blood and binds me to thee."

A deep red shimmer settled over the ruby, and faded away. Immediately, she could feel the power settle into the charm. Now, she would return the necklace to Claudius, and although she hated it completely, they would be bound. If anything happened to either of them, the other would know immediately.

This was the sign he told her to expect.

Holding onto the parapet with both hands, Selene bowed her head and shed the tears that tried to drown her heart.

The war was coming, and she couldn't stop it anymore than she could stop the sunrise.


	21. Chapter 21

The distance between Selene and Severus grew out of control. There was less and less of the companion-like comfort to be had between the two. Slowly, they began sleeping apart, spending less and less of their hours together.

Both hated it; both did nothing to stop it.

Galileo leapt into her lap as she sat at her desk, grading yet another set of essays. Her purring was calming and reassuring to her. It reminded her to take a break and relax. Pushing herself away from her desk, Selene groaned, her head aching.

A knock at the door at this hour of night caught her attention.

"I assumed you'd be sleeping."

Severus nodded. "I tried. Not bloody likely anymore."

Selene let him into her apartment, walking to the kitchen area and automatically pouring two glasses of wine, bringing them both to the living room, handing him one. "If it's not Umbridge and her bloody awful rules, it's the whispers in the faculty lounges. Am I right?"

He nodded. "That, and other things." Setting the wine glass down, he leaned forward. Enough hours had been spent pacing his office, trying to decide the best way to broach the question. "Why do I feel like we're talking from across this distance these days?"

Swallowing hard, Selene took a breath before letting the words pour out of her. "I don't know. It's complicated. It's like we both don't know where the other stands. I don't know what to say to you anymore. What to do. I don't want to have to choose. I don't want this war. I just want to study and teach and look at my stars, and everyone I care about wants to pull me one way or another, and I just don't want to be pulled. How can I choose, Severus? How am I expected to make a decision between right and wrong, when that means choosing between my family and the people I care about?"

He opened his mouth to answer. She didn't give him a chance.

"I care about you, alright? Is that what you've wanted to hear for all these months? I care. I respect you, I admire you, and I appreciate you. I enjoy spending time with you. Hell, I even enjoy sleeping with you! But I don't know if I love you, and even if I do, I don't know if I love you more than I love Claudius, or my brothers, or my mother. The only people I've ever truly loved are my family. How do I look at you and know that you lie every day to my brother, that you and he aren't the same? How do I choose? I can't, Severus. And because I can't make that choice, and because you can, and because everything's coming to be, it's tearing us all apart. So yes, we are talking across this distance. But I don't know if we can stop it."

Severus rubbed his face, trying to pull himself together. "What do I do, Selene? Do I do what I know is right, what I've been doing this entire time? Or do I turn my back on this all and step in line with your brother just to make this easier for you?"

"You follow your heart!" Selene shouted much louder than she expected to ever do. "You do what you want. You do what you believe is the right thing for you. You can't change for me anymore than I can change for you. I thought you knew that."

Lank black hair swept forward, shadowing his eyes from her gaze. "All I know is I care for you. I don't like knowing you're being pulled in these directions. I hate knowing that what I do could cause you more pain or frustration. It's never been my intention."

"But you've been doing it since before you ever sent me coffee in my office."

Her words summed everything they both knew was true.

"Do we still talk over the chasm, then, Selene?"

She bit her lip, her fangs showing in the candlelight. "I don't know."

"Neither do I."

Silence sat between them for long minutes, before Severus rose and left, never once saying what he had climbed seven floors of stairs to say.

_Don't push me away…_

As the door closed behind him, Selene threw her wine glass against it, glass shattering in all directions, red wine splashing against wall and carpeting, coloring it all in its wake.

_All I want to do is follow you…_

As the sun rose, the both of them sat in their homes, in equal silence, both hating themselves for not speaking their minds, both hating the other for not speaking first.

* * *

The sensation swarmed around Selene's mind, almost dropping her to her knees, as the telescope swerved on its pedastal, veering from the view of Mercury she'd been staring at moments before.

_Anger. Fear. Loathing. Rage. Out. Out. OUT!_

The emotions pounded against her conscience, the weight of them almost overpowering her. Forcing herself to move inside from the observatory, Selene took deep breaths, trying to close herself from them, to control them before they completely controlled her. The sensations were so real, so strong.

She had no doubt from whom they came.

Leaving papers and star maps scattered all over her work table, Selene flew out the door, her feet barely touching the stone steps as she whirled down them. It felt as if something was pulling her, dragging her, drawing her closer, like a needle to a magnet. The further down she raced, the more controlling the sensation got.

Finally, breathless and on edge from the waves of anger and panic slamming her mind, she shoved open a heavy door, her eyes growing wide at the sight. Glass covered the floor, tiny shards of it twinkling in the candlelight. Smears of foul-colored slime dotted the walls and floors every which way. A shimmering blue light came from a wide-rimmed bowl in the middle of the room, which illuminated a figure in black robes, his fingers gripping the bowl so tightly that she could make out the white of his knuckles from across the room.

"Get the hell out."

His voice didn't sound like him. It carried a wealth of pain barely kept below the surface.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

Her voice wasn't the one he expected to hear, and it wasn't until that moment that he caught the jasmine on the air. "Thought he'd have gone running for McGonagall, send her to chew me out seven ways from Sunday."

Selene didn't bother to ask who 'he' was. It didn't matter. Now that she was in the same room as him, other images crossed her mind, a jumble of pieces of memory and dream.

_A woman leering over a small boy, her hair barely covering a bruised eye, returning the favor to the child._

_A group of boys levitating balls of mud in the air, splattering a thin, gangly youth, robes and book covered in the slimy mess._

_Staring out a window, longingly, watching children laughing and playing in the summer sunshine._

_Watching a man pack his bags, walking away for the last time._

With a physical effort, Selene forced the images down, silencing her mind, staring at the man who clearly raged as silently as possible for him. "What happened?"

Severus didn't bother turning to her, the softness of her voice outright infuriating him. He never asked for pity, for understanding, for kindness or empathy. To hear it being offered to him was almost an insult. Who the hell was she to come storming into his world like a savior, trying to offer him comfort and solace?

_You're being cruel. She didn't offer you anything. She asked a question._

_I don't want to give her the answer._

_You hypocritical . You forced her to turn to you when it was convenient for you. And now you shun her just because she wants to know._

_I don't want to share this…_

_You made her let you in. _

A list of dark, twisted oaths in various languages exploded from him, slamming the stone walls with their vehemence. Selene rolled her eyes, her patience being pushed to its breaking point. "Is that the best you can do? I can swear in more languages than that." Without letting him answer, she began steamrolling him. "Fine. Don't tell me what I already know. After all, it's not as if I couldn't hear your anger on the complete other corner of the castle."

When the office door slammed behind her, Severus finally let go of the pensieve.

_Well, that went well…_

With every step, Selene fumed.

_That obstinate stubborn MAN! You would have thought I asked him his secret recipe for some illicit potion the way he snapped at me. It's not MY fault I could hear him..._

_But how often do you actually hear someone in anguish, let alone go flying out of your tower like banshees were on your heels?_

_That doesn't matter! _

_When are you going to admit it to yourself?_

_Admit what?_

_That you care..._

_Don't even say that! I don't…not like that…_

_Liar. You keep the truth from Claudius, even though you know it. You defied your family for him. You shared secrets in a dark room at night. Hell, woman, you know every star in the sky, but you can't decipher your own heart?_

Selene stopped, hiding behind a stone statue in a dark hallway, leaning to catch her breath.

What if her conscience was right?

Half a castle away, a man in black robes had a similar argument with his own conscience. Holding a tattered paperback on a shelf in his living room, Severus flung himself into a chair in the corner, reading a pair of inscriptions. One written by a loving parent, the other by an idealistic young girl.

_Didn't anyone teach you actions speak louder than words?_

_I guess I just always search for the hidden meaning in both._

_When are you going to let go of a dream, Severus?_

For almost an hour, the question hung in his mind, without a possible answer coming to mind. He had none. For the first time in years, the mind that had learned to pull solutions out of thin air, to be creative with his talent, to find the loophole in every twisted puzzle or complicated situation had no answer for a simple question asked by his own mind.

Or, if he were more honest with himself, he had the answer. He just didn't want to accept it.

_Because of me, she hides. Because of her, I'm tied to an old man and his mission to save the world. Because of us, I shove away someone as lonely as I am._

When Severus Snape had made that choice, years ago, to play both sides against the other, he'd made himself several promises. To atone for his youth. To let go of the need for revenge. To ask forgiveness from a red-haired girl.

As much as he tried to convince himself he'd worked towards those goals, a woman who lived on her side of the night made it clear to him that he hadn't come close to meeting them.

_If I can't keep promises to myself, how could I ever keep them to Selene?_

Sleep never came, as his mind searched for a loophole that didn't exist.


	22. Chapter 22

Chaos loomed through his mind as he raced down stone steps to his apartments.

_That foolish idiot boy! I don't care WHAT vision he saw in his head. He deliberately tried to get that retched excuse for a Ministry spy to threaten my job AND my safety just because he saw a nightmare of that MISERABLE wretch he calls a godfather! Merlin's blood, if I could have five seconds to teach that whelp a lesson…_

Within moments he was within safety. He knew that as long as Umbridge was busy with the do-gooding Gryffindor brats, he'd have a few precious seconds where he wouldn't get caught. Umbridge may be completely entranced by Fudge and the Ministry, but there were others as closely connected to the office that had their loyalties in a whole other set of circles.

Getting caught now could mean his life.

Throwing floo powder into his fireplace, he glanced over his shoulder before whispering the address, stepping through quickly, before he could be discovered.

"Snape."

The bitter voice speaking his name could only belong to one man. Immediately, seven years of childhood torment and a shared animosity took over Severus' better judgment. "Well, I always knew the boy would eventually go off his rocker. Now I have proof."

Sirius Black paced towards him, a caged beast who had been taunted one time too many by his keepers. "What are you blathering about, Snivellus?"

He reached into his robe pocket for his wand, clenching it for a sense of safety. "Your beloved little James Jr. had a bad dream, evidentally. He claims he saw you, in the Department of Mysteries. And since the son is so very like the father, he'll likely be seeking you out there. After all, Potter Sr. was always a bit rash, a bit arrogant in his belief in his own immortality. All of this, I can assure you, the Dark Lord counts on. Which means the boy is walking into a trap."

Immediately, Sirius lost his arrogance, as he and the other figures in the room, Lupin and Moody, jumped to their feet. "Harry? Department of Mysteries? TRAP!" Sirius glared at the man he hated more than any other. "How can you be so sure?"

Severus narrowed his eyes in anger, curling his lip before pulling a deadpan impression of Harry Potter's voice. "They've got Padfoot! They've got Padfoot in the place where it's hidden!"

The shock and realization of what was going on hit all three men at once. "The visions…the Occlumency… he thinks you-know-who…"

Severus Snape merely stood there, eyeing the trio. "Brilliant deductions, one and all."

Lupin pulled Black away before he could throw a punch.

As pandemonium organized itself in the large house, Severus paced, waiting for a safe time to return to the school. Umbridge may be occupied, but those idiots she placed in small pockets of power weren't, and he'd taken chance enough in coming to give these men their warning. He lost just as much as they did if the Dark Lord succeeded.

Too bad they couldn't grasp that.

_Whatever. Likely, all they'd do is offer me pity. Gods strike me dead before I accept that from any of these self-righteous pawns…_

As plans were quickly made and groups pulled together, to both stand watch and to go off on their little rescue mission, he kept pacing, eyes narrowed, posture the same intimidating, hostile one he'd used to preserve himself for most of his life.

"Ah, Severus. Spot of tea?"

Dedalus Diggle was many things. Oblivious to his desire for solitude was one of them.

"No, thank you."

Dedalus nodded, pouring himself his cup. "Nasty evening. First, that business with the break-in at St. Mungo's, and now this bad news about Potter and the Ministry. Two battles in one night. What a horrible way to start the war."

Severus turned slowly on his heel. "Two?"

Diggle nodded, sipping from his cup. "Oh, that's right. You were at the school – you wouldn't know. A group of followers of You-Know-Who broke into the hospital tonight to release a trio of vampires who were being held there, treated for injuries before their trials. Doge and Vance were sent alone to go handle them. Doge took some injuries, but Vance made it alright." Looking up, the stately witch of whom Diggle spoke entered the room, looking exhausted. "Ah! Emmeline! I was just telling Snape about your evening."

Groaning silently, Severus endured the moment, interested only in the topic at hand.

_Vampires…_

Vance nodded. "Bloody mess over there. Most of them were clearly newly-recruited. They didn't follow order or pattern. We managed to capture most of them. Aurors are interrogating them now." Stretching, she took a deep breath, trying to rest shaking hands. "No matter who you're facing in battle, it's never easy to use an unforgivable. And to have to use _that one_, even in self-defense…" Her voice trailed off for a moment, before forcing herself to snap back to reality. "Clearly, he had no idea I spent summers in Italy with my aunt Gemma. I understood every order he gave them."

_Italy…_

Severus forced himself to ask the question, a deep sinking fear crawling into his very gut. "Did…did the captured give you any information?"

Vance nodded, her forehead crinkling as she took in the man before her. Although she rarely spoke with Snape, his voice seemed less solid than usual, his face more pale. If she didn't know better, he was showing…concern? "They did. At least one of them finally identified the body. You might have known him… he's older. I know Moody recognized the name. What was it again? Siniri? Sinisi?" For a moment, she paused to think, a look of triumph finally crossing her face. "Sinistra! Claudius Sinistra."

Vance and Diggle stared in confusion as Snape bolted for the fireplace before she even finished speaking the name.

Footsteps pounded as he tore from his apartments, racing up the winding staircases. A stitch in his side grew almost unbearable before he realized he wasn't breathing. He didn't care who had seen him return anymore. They wouldn't be able to find the house anyway – the protections were there. But if any of the watchers watched for someone else…

None of that mattered anymore. Only one thing did.

_How in Hades do I tell her?_

Reaching her apartment door, he knocked once. Twice. Thrice. No answer. Holding his side, trying to breathe away the pain, he moved to turn away when he heard a noise.

Heartsick sobbing.

Pushing the door open, he found Selene, on her knees in her living room, clutching a ruby necklace, the stone cracked in two, tears and racking sobs shaking Selene as she weaved back and forth.

He took a step towards her, his hand out. "Selene? I…"

A hiss and a deep growl were his only warnings, before Galileo leapt from the top of a bookcase between them both, fangs bared and fur standing on end. Posture was clear, especially given the history of communication between the man and feline.

_Leave her be. Get the hell out._

He wasn't about to listen to that kneazle half-breed right now.

"Selene…"

"Get out."

The words were barely whispered between sobs, Selene choking on her tears, the pain in her heart overwhelming. The effects of the sanguini charms were absolute. Just as Claudius would have known the second any pain or harm came to Selene, she knew with undeniable clarity what had happened.

_The anger. The thrill. The rush of adrenaline. The dark hatred._

_The flash of green light. The sense of evaporating._

_Silence._

_The shattering of the necklace as she held it tight, praying it wasn't so._

She could feel him still hovering, silently watching her.

A spark of consciousness flared in her mind.

"You did this!"

Severus knelt down beside her, a hand moving to rest on her shoulder, Galileo growling, actually spitting at him. "I did what?"

She shoved his hand away, surging to her feet with a sense of power that knocked him backwards. "You did this! You lying son of a squib! You killed my brother!"

A fog of confusion slid through his mind. "Me? Selene, I've been here the whole time. How could I…?"

"You betrayed him!" Her voice screamed, shattering the air around them. "You betrayed them all! You turned on them and played tattletail to Dumbledore, and now my brother is dead! Killed! By your precious Order of the bloody Phoenix!"

Every sentence was punctuated by her reaching for anything near her to fling in his general direction – a pillow, a paperweight, a book on Astrological Phenomena in the Middle Ages. Severus raised his arms to block them, pushing up to his feet, reaching for her arms to stop her. "Selene…that's not true…"

She jerked one hand out of his grasp, her palm flying in the air to slap him square across his cheek. "You lying bastard! They killed him! I felt it! I heard the curse and I saw the light and I FELT HIM DIE! And you're one of them…" Her screams died down, her nails digging into her palm, still clenching the shattered stone tight in her fist. The voice that now came from the slender witch was soft, defeated, lifeless. "I never told him about you… I never said anything… I kept my promise…why did he have to die?"

The pain radiated from her, rage mixing with a bone-deep sorrow. He reached for her again, his voice low. "I didn't know, Selene. I would have done what I could if I'd known…"

Disgust, anger, fury crackled the air. She shoved him away, fumbling in her robe pockets, finally finding her wand. Gripping it in her free hand, she aimed it right at him, despite her body's shaking. "Liar. Get the hell out. NOW!"

"Selene, please…"

The hex missed him, but caught the hem of his robes, searing a hole through them, striking the wall behind him. Stonework sizzled as the power struck it. Selene's eyes blazed hotly, but her voice was glacial. "I said get out."

Swallowing, Severus did the only thing he could. He quietly turned the doorknob and strode into the hallway.

He spent an hour there, leaning against the cold stones, then a second. He listened to every anguished wail, every fresh burst of tears and painful sobbing. It wasn't until a house-elf came for him, demanding his attentions, that he realized the sun had risen. The battle was fought. A life was taken. The end was beginning. All of which had taken place without him even being aware of the world around him.

All he knew was that, again, a choice he'd made had broken a heart.

* * *

The sun rose twice more before he finally made his way back up the stone stairs. The time in between had been reeling, to say the least. 

Sirius Black was dead. Lost forever. And while a quiet corner of his mind found a level of twisted satisfaction in the man's death, he found himself feeling empty. It wasn't right, his death. It lacked finality, it lacked absolution. Now the chance to finally end the bitter feud was lost to the ages.

His arm burned relentlessly, and he found himself called back to his Lord time and time again. All with Dumbledore's silent acknowledgment. After his return to the school, one pointed look had made it clear that his role in the world was still vital, still necessary. It sickened him. Selene's absence in those days shook his acceptance of the order of things. He no longer was content slipping around corners or slithering through loopholes.

Severus Snape was, for lack of a better expression, sick and tired of the world.

He found himself outside the familiar door, one that scant weeks before, he would have opened without hesitation or fear. Now, it seemed a physical manifestation of the barrier that had clearly come between them.

Swallowing his pride, he knocked.

The door opened, slowly, showing him not the red-rimmed, deep brown eyes he'd expected to find, but a sadden, sympathetic set of blue.

"Severus. I almost wondered how long you planned to linger in the hallway."

He swallowed, his small black eyes narrowing. "Headmaster. If I may be so bold, what exactly are you doing in Professor Sinistra's apartments?"

Dumbledore sighed, his posture showing his exhaustion and age. "Waiting for you, Severus."

"I don't follow." Severus' eyes traveled the room. Many of the items remained, but a few treasured pieces were missing, if one knew where to look and what to seek. The small framed picture of Sicily, waves crashing on a shoreline, was missing. So was a book, bound in wine-colored leather, in which Selene kept her diary. And a small crystal ball possessing constellations, which always stayed on the coffee table and had often been the only illumination in the room during some of their evenings together.

His mind knew the answer even before he spoke the question.

"Where is she?"

Albus Dumbledore closed his eyes before speaking. "She's gone, Severus."

"She can't be gone."

The stubborn, almost petulant tone of his voice made the headmaster pity him even more. "I received her resignation this morning. I'm sorry, Severus. She's gone."

When the door slammed shut, hard enough to shake candles in their sconces all around the room, Dumbledore merely whispered a prayer. Not only for the lost, but for the seeking as well.


	23. Chapter 23

One thing Severus Snape despised above all things was being kept waiting.

A house elf led him inside the villa, with rooms whose wide, tall windows were covered with thick drapes. All the lights in the room came from a multitude of candles, and even at that, the room was cast in an array of shadows.

There, inside a well-decorated, plush sitting room, he waited.

A subtle cough made him turn his head. She stood as a statue on the last step of the winding staircase, her thick black hair pulled up into a knot. Her black robes fit the air of mourning that encased the home, the very grounds of the vineyards. He rose from the chair, taking a step to meet her, her name on his lips.

That's when he noticed. It wasn't jasmine hanging on the air between them. It was sandalwood.

"Signora." His head inclined slightly, in a show of reverence.

The woman's lips turned into a sad smile. "My sons were wagering on whether or not you'd be able to tell the difference. The twins said you wouldn't. Julius, on the other hand, never wavered in his particular conviction." Her soft footsteps drew her closer to the man who intruded upon her solitude. "You must be Professor Snape. Claudius mentioned you a few times over Christmas."

He hid his displeasure at that comment well. "Don't feel you need to tell me he spoke well of me, Signora. I know better."

The woman shook her head once. "Adriana. Please. I have so few visitors anymore. I miss the sound of my own name."

Her quiet dignity echoed that of her daughter's. "As you wish, Adriana." His eyes swept the staircase behind her. "I don't wish to sound rude, but I had rather hoped to speak to Selene. She was who I asked for."

Adriana sank into the couch, gesturing him to return to his seat, as an elf served them both tea. "And if I could help you with that, Professor, I would. However, my daughter is truly her father's child. She isn't here."

His eyebrows shot up. "Not here? But…"

Adriana held up her hand, silencing him. "She left sometime before dawn. Durmstrang was looking for a new professor in her field. She took the position, without consulting any of us. Not that she would have. Selene has always followed her own path, never asking permission or council."

His stomach twisted with guilt and self-loathing. The expression must have translated into his facial features, for the woman before him, who appeared to have not aged in over thirty years, leaned forward, setting down the teacup in her hands. "I have the impression, Professor, that you are a rare person indeed. One who values a blunt word over one couched in metaphors and flowery poetry. Am I right?"

Severus nodded.

She continued. "Then allow me to be overly blunt now. My daughter ran from you. The minute she realized you'd seek her out here, she ran. Selene does that. She has spent half her lifetime keeping people out. For her, it's a defense mechanism." Adriana waved her hand around, taking in the room around them. "I've had no choice but to accept my fate. This life. I haven't seen the sun since before Selene was born. I haven't left the grounds of this estate in all that time. Look all you like. There are no mirrors here, except in my sons' rooms. I've resigned myself to this existence, Professor Snape. Selene, on the other hand, fights it tooth and nail. She lives in limbo, not quite one and not quite the other. She doesn't feel as if she can let anyone into her world, to see the true her. Twice, now, she's slipped. The first time, I held her as she cried her broken heart out." With a sheepish look, Adriana dropped her eyes. "Too many years have passed for Selene to let me hold her this time."

The guilt grew inside him, chilling him inside and out. "I never meant…"

"I know that. If Selene hadn't let herself become so overwhelmed, she would have as well." Adriana stared straight into his black eyes. "If she didn't let herself become so twisted by Claudius' death, she would have known. I could feel it from upstairs. You carry guilt, Professor. Not blame."

The comment stunned him into silence.

"Selene and Claudius rarely saw eye to eye her entire life. He would hide her textbooks, she would jinx him. It went on and on for years. And although my son was a complete idiot, a misguided fool, he did what he did out of love, for her as well as for me." Adriana's eyes misted over with tears. "And everything Selene ever did, she did out of a need to find herself. Studying with muggles, teaching, her research. She kept seeking herself everywhere. And, for a moment, I truly thought she had found herself."

Adriana rose from the couch, her arms wrapping around herself, walking over to the fireplace for warmth. "Selene came to visit me, shortly after she recovered from the incident this winter. She told me about you then. And while she didn't say everything," her pointed look held a hint of amusement as she turned to stare at him, "she didn't need to. I honestly thought she'd found the contentment she sought. When she said your name, she was more alive than I'd ever seen her, _moroii_ or not."

Severus had the good manners to look uncomfortable.

She continued, as if speaking the thoughts she had wanted to share with her daughter with this man instead would help balance the pain in her heart. "Don't mistake me, Professor. I didn't say love. Selene wasn't ready for that. After all these years, I wonder if she ever will be. Claudius filled her with poison, making her believe her father didn't love her, love us anymore. I never could tell my children that I sent my love away, so I would never harm him. All Selene has known from humans is doubt, pain, and heartbreak. With you, at least, she found solace. Someone else who understood those feelings, who carried them much as she does. I dare say, if my daughter were capable of love, she would have loved you dearly."

He swallowed, the teacup shaking on its saucer. The implications of the words spoken in such a lilting accent, stronger than Selene's, but with the same inflections, cut him deeply. Could have. Would have. Clearly did not.

_Then again, you never told her you loved her._

_But I didn't know if I did or not._

_Did you?_

He had no answer.

Adriana Sinistra gifted him with a wry turn of her lips, so similar to Selene's when she was drawing out a witty, dry remark. Softly and with a grace that outshone her daughter, she stooped down, taking a calloused hand into her own. "You care for my daughter, Severus. That was clear even to Claudius. But no, you didn't love her. You tried. I see that in your eyes. But you didn't love Selene. Not in the way you wished. And you couldn't have. Too many differences in your life and hers. Too many paths diverging for you both. You live in a dungeon without light, and my daughter lives for the stars. You rise at dawn when she seeks her slumber. You live on the other side of midnight. The one that people like Selene and I cannot join. You helped her forget so many pains, and at the same time you reminded her of everything she can't ever possess. It would have happened, someday. A comment. A look. You wanting to take a holiday in Greece. Whatever would have happened, the point is, it would have happened. Claudius' death only quickened it. End of story. You tried, Severus, and for a time you gave my daughter back her humanity. That is, by far, the greatest gift any of her lovers have ever bestowed upon her. And for that, I do truly thank you."

Footsteps in the hallway drew her up, and a pair of identical men, with Adriana's dark hair and the hazel eyes that he'd seen before, in another angry older Sinistra brother. Adriana smiled. "I am well aware of the time, my sons." Turning back to Severus, she explained. "Unlike my daughter, my nourishment is necessary more frequently. And I doubt you care to watch." As she took the first stair, she stopped, reflecting one last time. "Think on what I have said, Professor. And do keep it in your heart."

With that parting comment, the enigmatic, philosophic woman glided away, ascending the staircase once more, both young men following her, eyes narrowed in loathing at the man in their sitting room.

Severus rose, setting the teacup down.

"If you don't mind, I'd care for a word."

The masculine voice sounded like a darker, richer version of Selene's. Turning, he found a man the exact opposite of the twins. Selene's deep brown eyes stared back at him, but he possessed the sandy colored hair of his older brother.

This was the favored brother. The one Selene talked about the most. When she did speak of family, which was rare. The one she always had felt closest to.

The one who might tell him what he needed to hear.

Julius took in the defensive posturing, the stiffness of his carriage, and almost laughed. Lene had been right. He was overly-protective of himself. He would have to tread carefully. "Don't worry about the twins. They're just protective of our mother, especially after we learned of Claudius' death. Your ministry has been here several times, interrogating us. You can imagine what that did to our sister. After all, Lene told me quite a bit about you the night she arrived. And how close you both had grown." His eyes said far more than his words had.

"Le-nay?" That was one nickname he'd never heard her mention. Then again, Severus remembered, she rarely spoke about family after the evening with Claudius in his home.

"It was my nickname for her when I was younger. I lost several teeth right around the time she was born, and couldn't pronounce my S's. A lifetime ago, it seems."

"How interesting. However, I doubt entirely that you stopped me just to tell me that little piece of news."

"I didn't." Julius stared at him for a minute, measuring him. "She knew you'd come. Last night, she told me she knew somehow that you'd finally make the choice."

Severus swallowed. "I didn't know until last night that she'd left the school. This was the first place I thought of…"

He nodded. "I told her that would be the truth of the matter. After everything she told me…"

"With all due respect, I don't know if I really want to know what she said."

"You might."

"I doubt it. Your sister and I didn't part on the best of terms."

"I'm well aware of that fact. She talked to me for hours about that. And given the situation, I don't necessarily think it was for the worst." He took a deep breath. "I loved my brother, but Claudius was an idiot for his beliefs. He drowned in his self-imposed expectations. He's the only one of all of us who remember Mama's transformation, Selene's birth, our father's departure. He was old enough to assume responsibility for her safety. And Selene never stopped chafing under that pressure. But despite the pressure, they did love each other. And the shock of feeling him…" Julius swallowed hard.

Severus nodded. "If I had any clue that would happened…"

"She knows. She really does know. She said so, last night. Said she'd been unfair, that you hadn't deserved her pain. That you deserved to know that much, at least." Julius stared at him carefully, withdrawing out a scrap of parchment.

"_You're taking the coward's way out, Lene."_

"_So? I'm not ready to tell him. To say I'm sorry…"_

"_Under the circumstances, I doubt he needs to hear those words, sorellina."_

"_Don't call me that. Only Claudius called me that."_

"_Lene, please. You don't want to end it like this. Trust me."_

"_I can't say it. Not aloud. Not yet."_

His voice was almost penitent. "Lene asked me to give you this. When you came."

The letter rested in his hand, cold and ungiving, Selene's graceful hand marking his initials on the front, a seal of grapes under moonlight in red wax on the back. As Severus examined it, his mind turned over the voice, the slight shake as he spoke, the tremor in his hand. As if he feared his reaction.

Or as if he disagreed with the action.

A letter. He bribed Lucius for a week for the Sinistra address. He came to beg her forgiveness. To see her one last time. And all he found himself taking away was a letter.

_Didn't I deserve more, Selene?_

Julius never had grasped his mother's empathy, nor his sister's. However, he knew well by now the look of pain and bitterness in someone else's eyes. He'd seen it far too many times in Claudius' eyes. And Selene's. And every so often in his mother's.

It shone in a pair of black, chilled eyes.

Any further remarks the man would have made died in his throat. He carried enough hurt with him. He didn't need more. Didn't need to know how, regardless of what this man thought, his little sister blamed herself far more than her lover could blame himself.

_Little Lene, if only you could have given him your heart. He might have been the one to piece it together again for you._

Words seemed meaningless anymore. An exchange of pointed looks said it all. It didn't matter anyway. Selene was gone, and all he had left to remind him of her was a piece of paper. A cowardly end to their liaison. It wasn't worthy of her.

Silently, Severus nodded and left, apparating at once to his home. Not the school, but the small, cramped house where he almost never allowed another soul in.

Almost immediately, he regretted it. Every room somehow reminded him of her.

* * *

Several weeks had passed since his visit to Italy, and he still hadn't opened the letter. As summer passed, as the sun and moon rose and fell, he debated the decision. It had originally sat on his bedside table, then moved to his pocket, then finally to his cluttered desk downstairs. Every time he thought he could open it, something stopped him.

Now he sat, before the fire, a choice made.

Even though a tear slid down his cheek, he knew he made the right choice. Not just about Selene, but everything at this point. He was sick of sides, sick of choices. He just wanted to pretend the world around him didn't exist.

_Forgive me, Selene. I can't give you what I no longer possess._

With one last twinge of regret, he tossed the letter into the fireplace, the flames instantly licking at the parchment, the wax on the unbroken seal melting, obscuring the bunch of grapes, the moonlight vanishing into obscurity.

A knock at the door wrenched him from his isolation. With annoyance at whoever the hell could be knocking, he went to answer it. At the sight of white-blonde hair, he realized he'd faintly hoped it would be her. Since it wasn't, he resorted to instinct.

He pulled the mask on yet again, the mask that no longer felt right, relying on reflex to give him a grounding, a set of instant guidelines.

Hate it though he did, this was his side of midnight. Adriana was right – Selene could never live on this side. For a woman who lived and breathed nighttime, he was the one who lived in darkness. Not her.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped into his darkness.

"Narcissa!"


End file.
